I don't get it

I think we're also forgetting:

Nice ex-juvee-con black army man saves girls by declaring a situation in which a man shot himself in a closet with a blindfold on as a suicide, which apparently becomes irrefutable.

Additionally:

Sister drinks equivalent of a liter of jack in shots and fake-stumbles a quarter mile in the dark to an ill-lit wooden shack, becoming pissed off at the sound of her sister running one finger along a leg of the perv janitor which she heard over both her illogically-barely-drunkenness and her own sneakers creaking along the rickety wooden floor.

Also:

Sisters find fat hula-hooping girl and *beep* with her in a scene absolutely necessary to forwarding the plot.

And finally:

Guy watching gets pissed off wondering what the hell he's just watched and why he's wasted an hour and a half of his life with Netflix streaming because a cute girl on the cover of the movie was sexily eating an apple so he gets onto imdb to see what the *beep* other people are saying about it and finds a curious warmth in the consensus he experiences there.

(DISCLAIMER A: This post in no part defames Netflix inc. or any of its services, nor would it, because Netflix is kickass and the author of the post watches it straight through his XBOX which absolutely amazes him. The author merely found frustration with the ridiculous plot of the film in question and provided ample detail to lend credence to his story and irritation. Seriously, though, Netflix, the author of this post would love to be your posterboy. The offer is on the table. The decision, however, is up to you, you sexy, sexy video rental company, you. *long, passionate movie kiss between the author of this post and netflix*

DISCLAIMER B: Whereas the author of this post is not drunk nor is he under the influence of any foreign substances, it is his winter break; and he is quite bored.)