50 things I learned from Alaska
Nobody seems to care about this movie, but I'm going to do this list thing anyway because it is hilarious.
1. This is the 90's, old man.
2. Polar bears live further south than we thought.
3. The only thing worse than a thief...is a liar.
4. If you are ever stuck in a deadly fire, follow the damn bald eagle.
5. Baby polar bears apparently know the difference between good kids and poachers by seeing their boats.
6. Alaska and British Columbia are interchangeable.
7. After a long, violent fall down a mountainside that ends with cracking your head on a rock, you will be knocked unconscious, have a dream about a creepy Indian, wake up two seconds later, and be walking perfectly within the next two minutes.
8. The color bright yellow is invisible to search and rescue teams, as are flares.
9. Reaching out the window to catch the picture of your kids is way more dangerous than you think.
10. Devil's Thumb doesn't really look like a thumb at all.
11. Even though you left all of the climbing equipment on the dining room table at home, don't worry; it will magically appear in your backpack as though you had it there the whole time.
12. Sean wishes that his dad had died instead of his mom.
13. One of the kids is obviously adopted; their accents are completely different.
14. Native Americans that you know from home will show up out of nowhere in the middle of the wilderness to lend you a hand at just the right moment.
15. Charleton Heston wants that bear.
I am Jack's broken heart.