I understand both positions. The parents weren't strict in the usual concept of it, but imposing expectations, especially by the mother, had been put on him. This, to his personality, could have caused him to feel strongly the need to please and live up to the expectations of the parents as he perceived them. The mother's mother had apparently told her daughter to "cut him some slack" in her own way, which later during the early grief stage the mother threw back with resentment to the grandmother. Parents are not omniscient. They can't plan for every eventuality.
Probably, there had been more pressure about school etc than we, the viewers, were shown. A friend of the mother's after the church service told her that she expected Jimmy to become a Yale or Harvard graduate. That implies that everyone knew of the expectations of the parents.
The other odd characteristic of this family structure was that Jimmy is ready to graduate from high school, whereas he has two much younger siblings who while close to one another in age are distant from Jimmy in age. This situation might have rendered Jimmy into a more isolated state in upbringing. He'd have been for six or eight years an only child, and then would be in the position of being an older than normal sibling which can take on the characteristics and demands of almost being like a third parent along with the mother and father.
Also, in the grieving process, the mother felt she had to "run the show" and control events, and implied that the father was incapable of handling the responsibility of the suicide. Such an "in control" person somewhat incapacitates the other members of the family, and imposes her expectations on others.
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fiatlux-1
13 years ago
Very good post, Chops-4. I agree with much of your reply. It seemed to me as well that Jimmy was *supposed* be become a graduate of Yale or Harvard, a terrible pressure many parents put on their kids. Your kids have their own lives to live, I say. They're not miniatures of parents, or a 'second chance' for the parents.
They're their OWN person, with their own dreams and rights.
I can relate somewhat to the age gap/third parent thing. I was an only child for 5 years, and I loved it! Then along came my brother, and while 'playing second mom' was fun sometimes...my brother was a spoiled brat. And I liked having my own space, my own quiet time. And later, my parents used the 'you both did something wrong, but its your fault as you're older and should know better than he' crapola.
"I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus."
"Didn't he discover America?"
"Penfold, shush."
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