Seems like a lot of drama came from cultural differences.

Debra and Ray are both born and raised Americans, but they come from different familial heritages. I'm a Toronto Italian, and a lot of the Barone's quirks come off typical of people raised by immigrants. Bombastic, overtly honest speech, old fashioned ideals, and keeping close nit with the family etc.

Didn't it ever just occur to Ray to say "hey, that's the way we are. That's how I grew up." Maybe Debra would come off less whiny and intolerant. And if your in-law wants her son's house cleaned, and you keep complaining that cleaning the house is a hassle, than why whine when she cleans the house! You got a free maid!