MovieChat Forums > Mr. Holland's Opus (1996) Discussion > Mistreated his son

Mistreated his son

posted 12 years ago by nutritionist
20 replies | jump to latest

I feel that the movie did not age well. On recent viewing, he did not seem to be such a great teacher after all- he just went from hating teaching to finally trying to teach well. And he mistreated his son so BADLY for much of the son's childhood that it is inexcusable and bordering on neglect and psychological abuse. Just because he decided very late to sing him a song in public- Oh, look what a good father I am- does not make up for the private abuse and mean behavior towards his son. It was unbearable to me to see him ignore and belittle his son for much of his childhood.

[–] yolhanson 12 years ago

Regarding his son, the things I got from the film were as follows:
* he struggled with the idea that his son wouldn't ever hear music in the way most people do
* his frustration with Cole's hearing impediment created frustration in his life just as he was getting on top of his teaching job
* they clashed due to mutual misunderstandings--having said that, Holland was the senior party in the relationship, so the leadership role was incumbent upon him
* the "song" was a belated attempt to make up with Cole. It wasn't insincere, and seemed to be taken in the intended spirit
* by the time of the farewell concert, they seemed to have patched things up admirably

"Psychological abuse"...hmmm...I can see what you mean, but I don't quite go that far. If that were the case, any occasion of conflict between father and son, with raised voices, cross purposes and unresolved issues would fall into the same category, regardless of disability. Plus, I see little evidence of Holland actually neglecting his son; rather, it seems to be a long period of adjustment and acceptance. Not ideal, but some situations are far from ideal.

Interesting post. Thanks.

[–] road_runner_outsmarts_the_coyote 11 years ago

Glenn and Cole appeared to be bonding when he and Iris found him listening to Glenn's records late at night. Glenn had realized that deaf people could learn music. Also, they found that they shared another common interest; Cole became a teacher.

[–] kmarbrooks 12 years ago

I agree that he mistreated his son. It is actually fairly common with parents of children with disabilities (Note that I am not saying ALL parents of disabled children do this, just that it does happen with alarming regularity). I taught deaf children for several years, and I saw many parents refuse to learn to sign and avoid spending time with their children. I think these parents feel overwhelming guilt over their child's disability (most of the time unfounded guilt), and many are in a stage of denial and feel if they ignore the problem, they can avoid facing it. Doesn't make it right, just maybe helps to explain it.

I will say, though, that the song he sang to Cole was an attempt to make things up to his son. Maybe not the grandest gesture, but it was sincere and he was finally making an effort. To me, though, what was more moving was when they got home after the concert and Cole asked his dad to teach him about music. That was the beginning of them repairing their relationship.

[–] clearthinkernow 8 years ago

Be careful of making judgements. How did you do under the same conditions? Oh, didn't have a disabled child? Then you truly have no idea and you certainly have no idea how parents and their children spend their time. As a substitute teacher, I will say that today most (well over half) parents neglect their children. That means have no interest or desire to know their children for the individuals they are, have no interest in their child's progress in school or their children's future or even their interests so that they can be encouraged. They care only that the child doesn't get expelled from the school (but care not to make sure the children know proper etiquette and how to get along) and are out of their hair while they're at work. This has absolutely nothing to do with abilities or disabilities. It's just a lack of interest in doing the job of parenting.

[–] kmarbrooks 8 years ago

Not making judgments, just stating my experiences teaching deaf children. And by the way, yes, I have a disabled child that I adopted through foster care, knowing full well he had disabilities, so you might consider taking your own advice about making judgments. But in my years teaching, I have found that while there are neglectful parents everywhere, even among regular ed kids, there seems to be a higher percentage among special ed kids. Some have shared with me that it's hard for them because they feel their child's disabilities are their fault. I've always reassured them they're not and encouraged them to get to know their child and be involved in their lives. Some have worked at doing that, others have not.

[–] stevenackerman69 12 years ago

He didn't think his son understood what he was doing. Remember, his son was deaf so he figured he had no idea who Lennon was. It turns out that he was wrong. I was that way with my dad, who died the year before this came out. My thought was that since he didn't go to college I thought he wasn't very intelligent so one time I used the word "sequester" in front of him and thought he didn't know what it meant and he told me he knew.

[–] pioneergrrrl 12 years ago

My father is not an educator, but we've gone through the same issues because of my own disabilities.

They grew up in an era when people with disabilities were not 'public'. We were locked away--and not considered equals.

Finding out your own family member has a disability is hard.

Plus we have to remember that specifically when this movie took place, special education was just starting. So the Hollands even if they wanted to educate their son, would not have legally been able to place him in public schools until 1975.

People are influenced by the era they grew up in/grow up in.

[–] chas437 12 years ago

Nice Post.

First and foremost, Mr Holland never mistreated his son. He had a problem communicating with his son, and he was neglectful in trying to better understand Cole. But his is far from mistreatment in my opinion.

My father was an extremely busy man, and didn't make it a priority to always be there for his children. That said, he never mistreated any of his children. I'm sure many people can relate to this.

[–] gabby_bm 12 years ago

The doctor was no help either. i think when we saw them arguing in the garage was likely the first time Holland considered his son could hear and understand music- understand his passion. Understand his life.

Fathers want to pass to their children all they know and understand. To be denied the one thing he was passionate about made Holland forfeit his son in favor of his students to whom he could pass his knowledge and experience to. He had never considered that his son was always going to be his greatest student.

My "#3" key is broken so I'm putting one here so i can cut & paste with it.

[–] pioneergrrrl 12 years ago

The doctor was also a product of his own era.

He came from a time when people with disabilities were 'sick'. The idea that they were productive. functional members of society went against training.

The doctor is helping by explaining what the medical profession then believed. It is 'backwards' today because the disability rights movement has done/is continuing to do a good job of raising conciousness.

[–] gabby_bm 12 years ago

Definitely. Only in hindsight are we gifted with the perspective that his advice was wrong. And one can see that his advice would make sense from the vantage point of ignorance. I loved the mother's argument for the school and for sign language. It was an argument that Holland could not dispute.

My "#3" key is broken so I'm putting one here so i can cut & paste with it.

[–] pioneergrrrl (2389) 3 years ago

The mother's scenes occur in the early 1970's when parents were challenging oralism---and laws which intentionally kept their children from 'public' schools.

This is how special education was created. It was not done to be 'nice' or as a favor--like when they are 'helping' Lou Russ learn how to play a drum in the 1960's only so he can get back on the football team. Back then schools did not have to work with a student who 'was different'. Wanting a student to continue to play is not the same as wanting him to get a degree and understand his classes.

I am not deaf (I have TBI/epilepsy) but I was born in the same generation as Cole would have been and I understand that we had to fight for access.

It took a while for Holland to learn/accept that Cole was a human being too. Holland did that later than Iris.

And it's hard for people to understand now. It's expected everybody IS educated next to each other and for free---back then people DID have to pay for private services if they DID want the schools to have to work with their disabled child too. This is why the people with disabilities who DID go onto college (JFK, Henry Winkler...etc) frequently attended private schools....because the entities DID provide comprehensive services. The public schools would do whatever they felt like regardless IF it was appropriate.

This is why Iris says she does not care what it costs in case anybody is wondering. It's all free (taxes) now. The schools cannot charge families.

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Ainull_seepage 12 years ago

If we nitpick the so called 'mistreatment' of his son, we miss an integral part of the films message.
Holland is a man who loved music... it was his passion. He has a son who is deaf.

It's blatant. Not quantum physics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73SidPwuG78

Confound your lousy toll.. TROLL!

[–] do-bye 10 years ago

he could have done more!!!

"Peace and love"