MovieChat Forums > Future War (2005) Discussion > MST3K Commentary Quotes about this film

MST3K Commentary Quotes about this film

posted 19 years ago by hollankreil
53 replies | jump to latest

Anyone remember any funny quotes from the MST3K(Mystery Science Theatre 3000 Series) episode that dealt with this film? Here are the ones I remember(I've seen the episode a few times, it's my favorite):

(dinosaur explodes) "No wonder dinosaur fossils are so rare."

"It's a giant-faced Bruno Kirby!"

"Careful that chin might go off!"

"My trained weiner will finish you off!"

"Battle of the guys who peaked in high-school."

"The L.A.P.D gun closet."

"Say Uncle. Uncle! That's right now give me your lunch money!"

"No Dino! NO!"

"It's SUPER POPE!"

"It's Liberation Theology versus Opus Day!"

"The Lutherans built a Cyborg!"

"PACKERS!"

"He runs at the dinosaur with a boy scout knife(not exact quote)."

"The awesome powr of a 60 watt bulb."

(I apologize if I got any of the quotes wrong, and of course they are funnier when they heard in the episode).

Thanks in advance

[–] scythe1138 19 years ago

This is probably one of the greatest MST3K episodes. The beginning bit on hallucinogenic drugs is classic. I had it recorded, but have since lost it so I'm quoting from memory and, therefore some of these may be slightly inaccurate.

"Is this a halfway house for huge guys?"

"The sad thing is they're all former prostitutes."

(Crow, mocking huge guy, Fred Boroughs, after the nun hits "Runaway" with her car)"I'll loan him some flesh."

"There's no butter in my coffee."

Gangster: "Yo. Lets collect wildflowers."

"Well that was easy. Maybe it was butterflies that killed all the dinosaurs."

"Cardboard boxes aren't working try throwing a piece of paper or a cotton ball."

(punches alien handler) "He's got clown-white all over his fist now."

(after handler pov) "So he sees considerably worse than humans."

(runaway points up, trying to indicate that hes from space) "I live in your air vent"

"Thanks for playing reporter and camera guy with me, I think the cardboard camera's working good."

(SWAT team comes upon remains of dinosaur's prey) "Reminds me of the time Chief Gates chunked all over headquarters."

Cop: "Hey captain! I think we've got something here!"
Servo (mimicking cop's voice): I found part of a burger I wanna know if I can eat it.

not a quote, but it was funny when Mike pointed out that they had just draped paper in front of the editing machine to get a quick new location to film in.

wall in the sewer end sequence is obviously the train from the earlier scene

(dinosaur dies) "He was three days away from retirement!"

(Tyrannosaurs are facing eachother across the room) "I only wish my arms were long enough to hold you."

Woman: Thank you for not killing me.
Crow: They should make a hallmark card for that

[–] rgayers 19 years ago

The best joke in this MST3K episode is arguably the scene in which the Runaway, peering through a gap in a wall of boxes, spies a persuing cyborg and, for no clear reason, grits his teeth in an enraged and muscular scowl. To which Servo remarks: "If only I could fart!"

[–] mx1349 19 years ago

Sister Ann: (narrating) "I have a past I'm not very proud of..."
Crow: "That's why I keep this scrapbook!"

[–] 19 years ago

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[–] 19 years ago

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[–] annieskid 19 years ago

"Ladies and Gentlemen....FRED BURROUGHS!"

"This is Boris Becker reporting live."

"Am I Ving Rhames? I can't remember."

"Puffy hat police" (I LOVE that guy...him AND Cpt. Polaris)

"They're broadcasting over a baby monitor."

about a Robert Duvall-looking henchman "I guess I'll go back to being The Apostle"

and many more...

[–] vincent_valentine_77 19 years ago

cyborg with makeup on in previous scene is magically without it in next-
"He really looks alot better without makeup."
"Yeah, he's so pretty he doesn't even need it."

Crow: "Y'know, he should probably throw another box so he doesn't forget how to."(not exactly correct)

next two about mysteriously super-light boxes-
Mike: "Maybe they're shipping blown-up balloons."

"Instead of throwing a box, why don't you throw a piece of paper or a cotton ball?"

Sister Anne: "Is God out there?"
Servo: "Oh, he's out there!"

And, probably my favorite MST3K jokes of all time, the one-two-three punch in the last scene-
"It's SUPER POPE!"
"The Lutherans created a cyborg."
"It's Liberation Theology versus Opus Day!"
I always fall over laughing at those.

[–] 19 years ago

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[–] The_Cackling_Stump 19 years ago

*future dude is gesturing with a toy space ship and a globe to try to explain to the seemingly moronic ex-whore that he's from space*
Crow *as future dude*: I'll hit you so hard with this...you'll go flying that way....

lol it's a lot funnier when you see it but you get the idea...also:

*future dude and ex-whore are walking away from her house after the dinosaurs attack*
Mike: Man it's a good thing we left that kid behind; he made a great distraction!

This is where the fish lives.

[–] Discodrew2002 19 years ago

"oh no, he's boxed in."
"and i am card bored."

"it's hard to sample off the radio."

[–] armyofdorkness 19 years ago

Detective: "What the hell made that?!"
Crow: "That's your shadow, boss."

"This is the worst kind of discrimination! The kind against me!"

[–] watjibbit 19 years ago

"its a future sacred statue hater" XD

[–] shouken 19 years ago

I second anniekids' nomination:

"Ladies and gentlemen...FRED BURROUGHS!"

"Man, just wait until Fred Burroughs shows up, man, I tell ya..."

[–] FredBurroughs 19 years ago

Someone call for me?

[–] dilskee 19 years ago

Yeah, Fred. I found part of a burger. I wanna know if I can eat it.

Quotes:

(Shot of train going by)
Servo: Trains bringing in food for the roommates!

(After Sister Ann lets out an echoed scream)
Servo: She's gargling with fright.

(After Capt. Polaris tells Sister Ann that Fred Burroughs bailed her out)
Servo: Fred Burroughs... Fred Burroughs... someone check their Rolodex for a Fred Burroughs!
(followed by shot of Runaway in jail)
Crow (as Runaway): FRED BURROUGHS!!! HELP ME!!!!!

(shot of Runaway holding a flashlight when everyone is getting their weapons)
Servo (as Runaway): Oh, this is one of the things the cops hit me with.

(Max speaks into a Talkboy. Does anyone remember those?)
Max: Hi, my name is Max.
Mike: Hi, I'm your toy. Nice to meet you.

(when Runaway comes onto a loading dock with boxes everywhere)
Crow (as Runaway): I'll disguise myself as a box. Must look corrugated and square...

[–] connorose 16 years ago

"So when they edit this it's going to look like I stabbed him right?"

"According to the bells it's 97 o'clock."

[–] Outer_Heaven 19 years ago

"...your way are not my ways, says the Lord."-Runaway (quoting from the Bible)
--"Jack Lord!"-Crow

"Dust Buster Galactica!"

"Sister vehicular homicide."-Crow (After Sister Ann's car hits the "Runaway")

"The dinosaurs used to rule Hollywood, now Spielberg won't return his calls."-Mike Nelson

"An actor prepares...to suck."
"He's read Uta Haagen's Respect for Acting..like an Imbicile."
"He studied under Lee Strossberg's...car."

"Detective Alan Thicke."

"A halfway house for huge guys!"

"My shirt was knocked off I swear!"

"Calista Flockheart's belt."

"Oooh Heaven is a Place On Earth, the movie."

"They made abductions from Earth's past..."(Backstory credit roll)
"...And withdrawls from Earth's banks."-Tom Servo

"They're crediting the entire United States person by person!"

"Kazja-goo-goo."

[–] eatyourveggies 19 years ago

"A man was snapped at today by a forced-perspective puppet"

[–] 19 years ago

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[–] deaconyourmouth 18 years ago

The train scene when Sister Anne busts out with a baggie of beef jerky or something.
Crow: "How about a little convent issued pot?"

When the nun and Runaway jump into the back of some random guy's truck and yell at him to drive, drive, DRIVE!!!!!
Tom: "There is no inherent quantity of driving. If you want me to go faster, you should say so."

Lastly, when they're in the sewers at the end and Runaway yells at everybody to go, and the guys start yelling it for no reason as well.

But I would have to say that the best lines came from the actual movie.
Runaway: "I am a tool."
Sister Anne: "We need your help...monsters in the hood."

There's something you don't know about me Joe Rogan: I smoke rocks.

[–] 18 years ago

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[–] DrSoloMan 18 years ago

The best bit in the entire film is when the Runaway is doing his exercises in the jail cell. He extends his arm, and just as he stretches out a finger, Crow butts in and says "I'm number One!"

Perfection.