Favorite line - Night Stand Discussion

[–] tom-insley-1 18 years ago

Dick is interviewing some chick with a European accent, which he asks her about...

Chick: "I'm Flemmish."
Dick: "Ah. Well, I find that it helps if you do this..." *tries to hack up some phlegm*
Chick: "No! I mean I'm from Belgium."
Dick: "Okay, then let's not waffle!"

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[–] jkitteraljr 18 years ago

My favorite line is "oh, no people, no."

The funniest line was in the episode where a man was complaining that he was kicked out of the navy for being gay. Dick asks him when was the first time he realized he was gay, and the man responded "I guess I would have to say when I was at Annapolis" (the naval academy). Dicks tells him "when you were at Annapolis, you must have been around a lot of seamen."

I have about 80 episodes. Its been years since I've seen the others. DVD please!!!!

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[–] dave246810 18 years ago

I agree with jkitt. we need this show out on DVD. Who owns the rights to the show? They're the ones we gotta get on about that.

I remember watching it and loving it as a kid and getting my dad into it.

I just remember the episode with Bob as the polygamist, and each time he was caught having a new wife, he would suddenly reveal a new split personality or get amnesia. hilarious.

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[–] jkitteraljr 18 years ago

Yes. He was Bob to his current wife (I don't remember her name). He was Harry to his wife Joan. He was Julio to his other wife named Ruth. Finally, his name was Happy Snake to his last wife named Susan Running Beaver. I like that one too.

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[–] TheFinalSay 18 years ago

"Have you been unjustly sent to prison and felt you were given the shaft? Call Night Stand now"!.......That one has stuck with me thru the years and never fails to bring a smile to my face.....

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[–] rpilles1-838-98996 13 years ago

That bit was one of my contributions to the show as writer/producer. I suggested to Stack when people groan or otherwise react to some double entendre, he say "Oh c'mon people. Please." - as if he didn't mean to say the thing. It evolved into "people, please..." I also came up with the silly bit where, when running a piece of tape, he says "You guys in the studio audience, watch the monitors. And you folks at home, watch your TV sets." And "I'm sick, I need help" was based on my observation of Michael Douglas at the time allegedly checking into a clinic for sex addiction, able to avoid responsibility for his actions because "I'm sick. I need help". Good show, not nearly as great as Fernwood 2Night. 99% of Stack's humor was based around sexual double entendre which was limiting.

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[–] jkitteraljr 18 years ago

Dick: "You could be my co-host on Night Stand" Good one.

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[–] Hendrax 18 years ago

"Are you a grown man who goes to the toilet sitting down? You could be a guest on Night Stand"

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[–] badhabits 18 years ago

The running bit with Amazing Andy doing 'magic tricks' and Dick looking disgusted, "Oh, my God...that was AMAZING!"

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[–] theoldbull 18 years ago

Uh..thenk yaw!

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[–] sportsnight1 17 years ago

i don't remember the epidsode, but it was something to do with a son being gay and the dad was in the military, and his name was,,,,

rear admiral colon hunter

i laughed sooooo hard at that,

there has never been a show like it since

www.donpixel.com
www.mofunzone.com
http://jayisgames.com
do free games get any better than this?

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[–] nateroofams 17 years ago

Oh my god, That is astounding!!!! Thank You!

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[–] GreatMovieBuff04 18 years ago

My favorite line was when he had a guest on that was a parody to Richard Simmons and he goes to introduce him and looks to the side of the stage; then the guy comes out of the back and runs down to the stage and sits down. Dick then says," O that's right...I forgot you always like to enter in the rear" (or something like that). The crowd then laughs and Dick does his ever popular "No people". Another good one is when he says "there was a line in the sand and you just crossed it".

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[–] immortal005 18 years ago

A couple lines I remember off the top of my head are...

Home-Owners meeting show(or something like that, could've been Condos)

Dick challenges his neighbor to a debate and as they go to commercial he says, "...you'll see what kind of master-debator I am!!!" And I think it was followed by his "Oh no, people!" line.

Cyber Sex Episode

One of the guests, a woman, is describing cyber sex and how it's the future of partnerless sex. And Dick says, "Partnerless sex has been around since...well since I was 12!"

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[–] delphiaa 18 years ago

The running bit with Amazing Andy doing 'magic tricks' and Dick looking disgusted, "Oh, my God...that was AMAZING!"

The guy calls himself Astounding Andy and he would do some "astounding" trick...

Dick: "That's astounding!"

Astounding Andy: "Thank You!"

One of the memorable jokes was during that mock talk-show break where Dick tells you call if you have a certain problem...

Dick: Have you ever had sex at the office or become romantically involved with a pencil sharpener?

...Call 555-DICKI

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[–] delphiaa 18 years ago

I recall another deep thought by Dick Dietrick:

"It's lonely at the top when there's no one at the bottom."

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[–] jkitteraljr 18 years ago

I don't remember that one. Which episode did you get that from?

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[–] delphiaa 18 years ago

I don't know what episode it was.

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[–] servo333 18 years ago

I'm not sure if these are the actual quotes as it has been some time since I saw the show, but they go something like this:

Are you a person who likes to eat peanut butter and ky jelly sandwiches? You could be on Night Stand.

And:

Are you a beautiful woman who likes to undress in front of windows? You could be my neighbor. Gimme a call.

Those are the only two I can remember.

Bring Night Stand to dvd!!!

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[–] sully593 18 years ago

"Dick all I was doing was stuffing myself with footlong and dingdons"
Dick "yes but were you eating anything?"

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[–] JERSEYKID75 18 years ago

Dick was interviewing an angry lesbian.

Dick.."On our show now is Jenneifer who is a lesbian...So Jennifer....What's eating you?

Dick...."Oh no people no!!"

Classic show

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[–] jkitteraljr 18 years ago

I loved that one. What happened was Dr. Susan Sonspeen (the radical, feminist, lesbian therapist)got upset about something and Dick asked her "Dr. Sonspeen, what is eating you?"

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[–] alexlifeson 18 years ago

He had a middle eastern guest and he shouted offstage: "Makeup, we have a pimple on Mahiney".

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[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] alors7 17 years ago

No, I think her name was Salspeen, not Sonspeen. I remember an episode where Dick introduced her to the audience, to which she assertively replied "It's a pleasure to be here, Dietrick!" Dick gave her an ironic look and said "Surprised I could pleasure you." She then glowered at him as the audience laughed.

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[–] jkitteraljr 17 years ago

No, her name was definitely Sonspeen...the IMDB cast list confirms it. But the episodes with her were among the funniest.

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[–] misterogony 17 years ago

"So tell me Regina, how long have you been a...Vagitarian?"

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[–] bossf51 17 years ago

Amazing Andy=Steve Valentine from "Crossing Jordan"

The Richard Simmons guy=Ant from VH1.

This show launched a lot of careers.

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[–] LONDON537 17 years ago

I actually think of that line all the time (Hey, I'm sick, i need help)... couldn't remember where it was from.

The two bits I always remember best were the one where her husband was addicted to strippers, and any time Dick referred to the stripper, he'd just run a clip of a girl. At one point he says to the wife:

Dick - "I'm sure that was difficult to watch..."
Wife - "Yes"
Dick - "It was hard on me too..."

I also always liked the one where the boyfriend was revealing his crossdresser tendencies. And Dick asks:
Dick, "So, how did you two meet?"
Girl, "At a Save the Whales protest".
Dick, "God cause. Good cause. (to audience) "For those who aren't aware, Wales is a small island outside of England. Many famous people come from there. Prince Charles, and that guy who plays Sean Connery in those movies..."
Stage hand "James Bond?"
Dick, "Yes, James Bond".

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[–] south_tx_wanderer_77 17 years ago

my favorite line was when dick asked an old lady why the bigamist guest was married to her when all the other women wer drop dead gorgeous and the old lady answered and said thats because im worth 90 million dollars ( or some huge amount i forget how much) and dick asks her , what are u doing saturday?

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[–] tommy_a83 17 years ago

A guy named Billy Ray Jim Dick has had an sex change operation and Dick says he's now Billy Ray Joan Dick. He corrects him that it's only Billy Ray Joan to which Dick replies "So you lost the Dick"...."No people, no!"

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[–] billyb8671 17 years ago

From the "you can be on night stand" promos: "do you like to take naked pictures of yourself and send them to complete strangers? then here's my address"

also the episode titled: The 99th episode, a premature celebration

every episode has a bunch, just gotta pay attention.

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[–] osumarko 17 years ago

One I remember was from the 2nd appearance of the woman who loved to have cybersex. She revealed that she wanted to have a real relationship and that she was in love with someone on the show. Dick thought it was him but she blurted out that its Mueller. Then Mueller gave his best line of the series: "Watch out, I'm coming over there and I'm gonna whip some nasty on you"

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[–] Nick_Denife 15 years ago

I remeber that one! It was the first episode I ever watched and I laughed till I cried. As I recall, the show was about a murder at at trailer park of a guy named Billy Ray Jim, and when Dietrich asked the guy's name, his mother replied, "Billy Ray Jim, Dick," and for the rest of the show Dietrich referred to the guy as "Billy Ray Jim Dick," which was hilarious but topped when he came out with the line you quoted, and then he doubled the laugh with the look of confusion followed by him snapping his fingers and saying, "Oh, no, people! No!"
I'm laughing out loud just remembering it.

And I agree with everyone else: I WANT NIGHT STAND ON DVD!!!!

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[–] Lex_Tan 17 years ago

Dick is lying front down on a massage bed getting a massage from a hot Asian girl and climaxes while she barely touches him:
Asian Girl: Is it too hard, Dick?
Dick: Not anymore!
(Some fighting happens soon happens)
Dick: (paraphrase) No fighting here on this show! I won't stand for it!

The army episode where a woman is kicked out of a battalion just because she's not attractive:
Male Soldier: (To unattractive female) If you were a man, I'd kick your ass!
(later)
Susan Sonspeen: Dietrick, if you were a man, I'd kick your ass!

Commercial:
Dick: Hi, Dick Dietrick, here and if you love Night Stand with Dick Dietrick, call your local tv station and say
Audience: "WE WANT DICK!"

In between commercials: Hi, Dick Dietrick here...
Were you a former cartoon character who was abused as a pencil sketch? You could be a guest on Night Stand!
Do you get a thrill out of beating people up? You could be a member of the LAPD! For more information,
Are your ankles thicker than your thighs? You could be a guest on Night Stand!
Were you born without nipples? You could be a guest on Night Stand!
... give us a call!

(sic) Please tune into Night Stand next week where our guest stars Jim J. Bullock, Richard Simmons and ________ join us. Our salute to Queens!

Night Stand's Phone number: 555-Diki

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[–] bassslayer77 16 years ago

"Have you ever seen Mr. Rogers fly off the handle? If so, call our show!"

Classic.

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