this film saved our daughters life

Our sweet little Susan Lucille, whom we call Twinkles, was playing in the kitchen and got under the sink, without my wife noticing her. Twinkles drank a gallon of heavy duty drain cleaner. When Brunhilda, my darling wife, found her, Susan was wanly lying there, the life slowly draining from her cute little body. Brunhilda attempted to induce vomiting, to remove the nasty chemicals from Twinkles' little tummy, but she was too weak to throw up. Then my wife got the inspiration to pop Last Resort into the DVD player & carry Susan into the living room. Wow, the vomit shot out of Twinkles like Niagara Falls. Thank you, National Nampoon, for saving my daughter's life. My wife became increasingly depressed, over the next few days, about letting Twinkles out of her sight. Finally Brunhilda drank some poison. Fortunately Susan found her and, being a very bright toddler and loving her mommy, she jammed Last Resort into the player. Brunhilda instantly puked the poison out, as well as her last couple meals. Unfortunately I, too, threw up when I watched this piece of garbage but that's life, eh? Have a problem with squirrels in the attic? I lugged our DVD player up there and put on Last Resort. Those squirrels are now our neighbors' problem. :) Constipated? Put on Last Resort, and you won't be any longer. A problem with mosquitos biting you? Put on Last Resort, and they'll avoid you like the plague. I don't even bother to lock my doors or close my windows, while away on vacations anymore. I simply set Last Resort to play continuously, and burglars go elsewhere. I heard that the way professional models stay so slim is by watching Last Resort and unavoidably losing their lunches. The sad thing is that this is all a hundred times funnier than that flick.