Nope...

(Weary Sigh....Spoilers)

I've watched a lot of reviews for this film on YouTube, and they are
mostly positive. Nobody seems to give this one less than perhaps a 7 or
8 out of 10. I finally watched it today.

I am a cat lover, an aspiring vegan, and an animal rights advocate. I
am also pushing middle age (45 this October), so by no means am I a
kid, alright?

I thought this was a crock of excrement. And it really didn't have to
be. It could have been many things. THE PLAGUE DOGS? THAT is a
compassionate statement against the evils of humans using, enslaving,
exploiting, torturing and murdering animals.

Nope, I'm not opposed to "adult animated" flicks. I rode my first
dragon at the age of 12 when I watched WATERSHIP DOWN and THE SECRET OF
NIMH for the first times. And both of those movies fascinate me to no
end, to this day. I just re-watched the bunnies the other day and they
still hold up. John Hurt rocks!

Nope, I am not a prude. I write gay erotica, and as a matter of fact, I
found the kitty style scene fun, even funny, especially when they
both...um...finish...and both say, "Aw yeah!" together. Besides, what
do you see? It's only sex for Pashtsake, and sex is so much less
offensive to me than violence. I found it hilarious that some of the
reviewers praised the gore and violent images but said the mating scene
was "a bit too far."

Nope, not even some of the gruesome imagery or nightmarish visions that
Francis had was so horrid that it bothered me. At least not the
nightmares. We'll go further on that in a moment.

OK so what's my problem? My problems are multiple with this film.

First and most obvious, is that unless Francis suddenly changed his
name to Freddy Kreuger, there's no blinking way he could EVISCERATE
Pascal, with one swipe of his claws. It is ABSOLUTELY LUDICROUS that
Mr. P's guts spilled out everywhere, and that you could see his rib
cage, AND THAT HE WAS STILL TALKING!!!

I love and respect cats, and I find them clever, personable, even
trainable in some cases, but a cat "learning" to type on a computer by
watching a human? A cat keeping a database of all the cats in the
neighborhood? I wish I was allowed to cuss on IMDb because I have a few
choice words. Suffice it to say that unlike WATERSHIP DOWN, this movie
is NOT naturalistic about the lives of cats. This movie has a
super-intelligent cat who made a premeditated decision to kill a human.
This same cat also, using his puter mind you, constructs a plan to
"breed out" all inferior cats, and take cats back to their "roots".
Hmmm...jeez...

A completely different character is a cat "preacher" (WTF???!!!) who
leads some cult of cats who worship some deceased legend named
Claudandus. These cats gather on the top floor of a building that used
to be an animal experiment lab. In honour of the late, great Claud, the
crazy old human doctor's last victim, these cats yell out,
"Hallelujah!" and some of them commit suicide by throwing themselves
into some electrical shock device...And I thought the Jonestown and
Heavens' Gate people were nuts.

Yet a couple more characters are supposed cats depicted in idiotic
fashion. One of them Kong (how original) looks more like a mutant
bulldog, his lower jaw hanging way past his upper. And pray tell, are
the "neutered" cats drawn to look like inbred, cross-eyed psychos?
Really? What is this film trying to say to everyone?

I had no problem with the plot. New cat moves into neighborhood, meets
a gruff neighbor cat named Bluebeard. Suddenly they see the body of a
cat in the yard, with its throat open. Bluebeard assumes it's one of
zillions of cruel human beings, and of course, that would be anyone's
first assumption. Francis, the new cat on the block, argues that the
throat of the murdered cat has been "torn" open rather than cleanly
sliced. Francis is convinced an animal is responsible for the death. He
quickly appoints himself the neighborhood "Sherlock" and begins to
scour the area for clues. More bodies begin to show up. So many
suspects. Francis interviews different cats, has some horrific visions,
learns stuff about Darwinism and genetics, and meets a seductive but
odd looking female cat who tells him that her kind are of a breed both
"old and new".

Intriguing stuff, honestly, but the execution of this story, and the
conclusion it comes to...well, it makes no sense.

I reiterate...this is not a naturalistic depiction of cats at all.
WATERSHIP DOWN is a naturalistic depiction of rabbits...100%. THE
SECRET OF NIMH is a fantasy/fairy story. I saw a lot of both films in
this one. I saw Don Bluth-ish drawings and expressions in the
characters. I saw SOME naturalistic MOVEMENTS and frank nature in the
cats like I had seen in the bunnies. It's like the 2 films I like got
together and this mutant child came out. It's like somebody watched
both those great films, found themselves a book to work with, and
shouted, "I want to make a movie like my 2 favorite animated, not-for-
kid movies!!!" This movie was trying so hard to be "dark, twisted,
gory, adult," etc. etc. etc. It was so transparent. I watched the
English dub of course, and it was obvious how "cool and edgy" the film
was trying to be, using a few cuss words (except the F bomb) and clumsy
dark humour.

I'm not an idiot. I know when there is a sincere use of gore to tell a
story and when gore is being used purely for shock value. Again, no cat
can disembowel with a single swipe, unless they're one of those big
kitties like in THE LION KING!!! And why a gruesome decapitation of the
sweetest, most likable character in the movie???

Cats might be clever and independent and retain some feral qualities
even in their lives with humans, but cats don't type, don't read, don't
spell, and don't concoct elaborate plans to conquer or destroy humans,
they don't go around "murdering" because someone "knows too much".

The corpses in various stages of decomp underground being "tended to"
by some wacky looking old cat...This movie is an incoherent mess,
that's all it is. It could have been a film simply about the lives of
cats, the REAL lives of cats. Instead it's some mind-screw murder
mystery, and it's not even realistic. HUMANS are the only murderers on
this ball of dirt. It could have been a film waking up our consciences
about the horrors animals endure in test labs. It could have been a
historical account of the evolution of cats, from their glory in
ancient Egypt to their persecution during the ages of superstition to
present day. It's almost like the people who made this movie, or the
author of the book upon which this is based, didn't know what kind of a
story they wanted to tell.

At the very end, Francis, having defeated the perpetrator of the evil
murders and plans, completely contradicts himself by subscribing to the
very philosophy of the main villain, and again, we see him hoping for
some fun from...I'll just call her Cleopatra (sigh), and his parting
statement, "Maybe one day humans and animals can coexist peacefully,
maybe we need to evolve some more, maybe we need to become Felidae."

Whatever...perhaps what offends me most about this tripe is that, like
that travesty called CATS & DOGS, cats are depicted as evil,
calculating, self-involved opportunists. Two words, and they are not,
"Merry Christmas."