The way I see it, no board about Friends can be complete without a thread about whether or not Rachel and Ross were on a break or a break-up when he cheated (or didn't cheat, depending on one's point of view).
It's an unending argument for fans of Friends, so I thought I'd start one here, to make this board official ;)
Well this has come up enough times. So I just meshed all my answers together into 1 long post. I'll copy and paste. Anyone is welcome to read if they care enough. lol
They were broken up. Rachel said so 3 different times. She tells Monica that they didn't get to dinner, because they broke up instead. Then she leaves a message on Ross' machine, saying she doesn't wanna get back together that way. You don't get back to something you never left. Finally, she asks to be his girlfriend again when he opens the door. So there's no question. They had broken up. Ross did not cheat on her.
Now, regarding his sleeping with Chloe. He was not right to do that. But he wasn't wrong either. He was emotional and upset. His girlfriend had just called it quits on their relationship, then when he calls to talk to her, he finds she's got Mark in her apartment after 10:00 p,m. Then she was caught lying about it. Ross asked her was anyone there, and she said no. Then he asks if it was Mark, and she reluctantly says yes, prompting Ross to hang up. Why did Rachel lie about having Mark over? Because she knew it would upset Ross. But why is she so intent to hang out personably with a man her boyfriend clearly didn't feel comfortable about? Even in the midst of a break-up, she can't stay away from Mark. Rachel lied about Mark for the same reason Ross tried to keep her from finding out about Chloe. Both knew the other would be upset at their actions.
Ross was rebounding when he slept with Chloe. He did love Rachel, but after she calls a break and has Mark in her apartment alone at night, he thought he'd lost her, and that she'd made her choice. He didn't go out looking for women to sleep with. He went out to have a drink, and Chloe came on to him very aggressively. Being slightly drunk and upset, he gave in to temptation, and trying to console himself with another person.
Rachel did the exact same thing. When Ross came home with Julie, Rachel was devastated and went to Palo's place and slept with him. Does that mean she didn't want Ross? No. it means she thought she'd missed her chance with Ross, and now he's chosen another woman. So she was hurt and upset. Even the following morning, she was upset over Ross and what she did that last night. But even though she'd just had sex with another man that night, she still had feelings for Ross and wanted him. Palo was a mere distraction and stress-release. No different than Chloe. So yes, Ross had sex with another woman. but that didn't mean he loved said woman. It was an emotional thing he did in distress over losing Rachel.
And Rachel doesn't give Ross enough credit. Does she really think so little of him that she thinks he went out to look for women to shag after the break? She should have understood he was upset and emotional -just like she was when he was with Julie. Rachel had nothing to be upset over. Ross just had random ONS with a rebound girl he cared nothing about. Is she honestly threatened by that when she's been dating him for an entire year and he loved her dearly? She acts as though he just casually slept around on her. Or like she just found out that he was cheating on her, and almost left her for Carol or something.
But when Rachel finds out about Chloe, she changes her tune. Then she turns everything on Ross. All her mistakes didn't matter when she found out what he did. He explains his feelings about why a break = break-up, and she had no answer. All she could do was say he was using technicalities. Then he again points out how he didn't want the break, and that she ran from things as soon as they got rough. Once again, she has no decent response and just brushes it off with "that's neither here nor there." That was very here and there. She broke up with him, and had hurt him. Then she further screwed up by having Mark over at 10:00, then lying about it.
She accuses Ross of jeopardizing their relationship by sleeping with Chloe. But she jeopardized their relationship by breaking up with him in the first place, and still keeping personal contact with Mark. When she called the break, Ross wanted to calm down and suggested they get yogurt. But Rachel corrects him and says she meant a break from their entire relationship. He stands there and stares at her for a min, and she stares right back, and says nothing -which told him all he needed to know. So, he left.
BOTH were at fault. But Rachel refuses to admit that she wasn't a perfect girlfriend. She made bad choices as well. And even during their fight, it was all about how hurt she was. She never once stopped to think about how hurt Ross is. He grovelled and begged all throughout that episode as if he was the only one who made bad choices, and victimized Rachel.
And I don't think Ross lied about still wanting to be with Rachel if she'd slept with Mark. Because it was the same with Carol. She cheated on him, and chose Susan. But when Carol was pregnant, he still clearly had feelings for her, and even aske
Thanks for christening this Friends board!
shareWell, it can actually be both. There are two parties in a relationship. Each have their own interpretation of things. Since things happened so suddenly and there had not been any real defined discussion between the two of them than the reality that existed in each of their minds at that time was reality. If one intended for a temporary pause and the other a complete break up than both of those are reality. They really never talked it all out so whatever each of them had going on in their mind was real. One could have been on a break and one could have been broken up and both can be true and the reality of the situation.
shareI wrote the OP as pretty much a joke, but yours is the best, most sane post I've ever read on this much-discussed and hotly debated topic.
shareIt was a break-up, even Rachel said they had broken up and asked Ross if she could be his girlfriend again. But Rachel admitted that she didn't even want a "break", she regretted saying it, so the difference doesn't really matter, I would say.
Ross technically didn't cheat, but even after hearing Mark at the apartment and assuming the worst, he shouldn't have slept with another woman if he really wanted to try getting Rachel back.
They broke up. Rachel says, "A break from us". That means a break from them dating. Even if you only mean it to be temporary, you aren't dating during that time. A break from us doesn't mean to be apart for a day or two to cool off and think more rationally.
share[deleted]
People would go into full blown tantrums over it. Freaks like Ppllkk and Imaneassi would cry and wet their pants if someone disagreed about it.
share[deleted]
Yep, to a laughably pathetic level. Anything Rachel did was evil, and if you took her side on anything, he'd write an essay about why you were wrong and make up facts.
share[deleted]
[laugh]
I got along just fine with Ppllkk, UNTIL the "issue" of Ross, Rachel, and The Breakup came up. I really don't even care much about it, but good god! It was as though I'd accused his mother of something horrendous. All rational thought went straight out the window, and he became very hostile towards me.
I still think it's the height of absurdity that so much vitriol has been cast about over one aspect of a freaking *sitcom,* titled Friends!
don't have anything much to add to this debate (they were on a break but Ross is clearly an idiot for sleeping with chloe when he loved rachel, regardless of how drunk he was)
just wondered if theres any more active friends messaging boards around as this one seems fairly dead
LOL! I remember imaneassi. Man, the same argument for years. She couldn't let it go and hated the Ross character. You've thought he was some ex that had wronged her in real life.
shareHow many threads got ruined because of that psycho? Anytime the break or just Ross was mentioned she'd come charging foaming at the mouth.
shareThey were both stupid and wrong in their own ways imho. But to answer the question, while you might not technically label it as cheating, the lack of respect for the relationship that was shown by Ross sleeping around the night he and Rachael broke up was just as hurtful as cheating, especially when you consider that he lied about it when they got back together the next day.
Also, thank you for making this post, if you hadn't I would have ;-)
I know this thread is a year old, and the last reply was 6 months ago, but I don't care. I am giving my opinion, anyway, so here goes :)
Ross was jealous of Mark, and yes, Rachel told him there's no need to be jealous, but it wasn't that reassuring. There were other ways she could of reassured him. Ross, on the other hand, acted like a complete idiot because of what Carol did to him. She blindsided him, and he was scared that it would happen again.
Ross was wrong to think Rachel would do that to him, but Rachel was wrong to not be more reassuring. I agreed with her about when Ross fell asleep. The job meant something to her, and just because she had a separate life outside of him, it wasn't a big deal. Ross couldn't accept that.
Then there is the whole Rachel having to work on their one-year anniversary of being together. She promises Ross she'll make it up to him, and he understands at first. Then he shows up to her job unannounced. While I understand he wants to be with her on their anniversary, it was not a good time to show up. He still felt that Mark was a threat even though Mark was no longer working there. Rachel felt suffocated and suggested the break. Ross thought she meant break up.
Later, when Mark comes over, Rachel tells him she doesn't want to take a break from Ross. At the bar, Ross calls her to try and work things out. He hears Mark in the background. What Rachel does wrong here is lie about it, and then try to cover it up. Mark is at the apartment with Rachel, so now he believes his worst nightmare was coming true. Rachel was having an affair with Mark. What Ross does wrong is hang up without Rachel finishing her explanation.
He thinks they're over. The break meant something different for both of them. They were both in the wrong.