MovieChat Forums > The Three Musketeers (1993) Discussion > Funniest lines + scenes

Funniest lines + scenes

posted 18 years ago by nationalazkaban
41 replies | jump to latest

I was laughing most of the time I was watching this movie! I loved how every time Aramis shot or killed someone, he said something like, "Go with God" and then one time he made the sign of the cross with the smoke of his gun after shooting someone. <-- JUST NOT LIKE THAT

And there was that time where Porthos and Aramis were trying to teach D'Artagnan how to catch a girl's eye. Porthos liked it one way: , and Aramis liked it the other way (with poetry!): . And then there was Athos: .

I don't know...I thought it was really funny when those bad guys ran away from Porthos. "It's Porthos the pirate! Aaagggghhh!" .

What did you guys think? I know I left tons out!

Oh, I've got a bad feeling about this...

[–] GosuMom 18 years ago

Porthos: "It's the twit-of-the-month, come to challenge the mighty Porthos."

Porthos: "Come! D'Artagnan! We're saving the king!"

Porthos: "Whoa ugly!"

Y'know? Come to think of it.....Porthos had all the cool lines. I loved the part where they just meet D'Artagnan when he has duels scheduled with all 3 of them, and they all introduce themselves to each other, and then he says, "Now, we are prepared to resist."

Seeing Oliver Platt in something like Benny and Joon....is so different. I really prefer him in comedies.

~~"What? A swallow carrying a coconut?"~~

[–] nationalazkaban2 18 years ago

Yeah, Porthos was REALLY funny.

Oh, and by the way, "It could grip it by the husk!"

[–] GosuMom 18 years ago

Sorry nationalazkaban2 -- Took me a month to get back around to this board, and I've just now read your witty response to my post.....Oh, and by the way, "It's not a matter of where he GRIPS it!"

How 'bout this one: "Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Now THAT is a quality film.

"It's not in my nature to be mysterious, but I
can't talk about it and I can't talk about why."

[–] nationalazkaban2 18 years ago

Oh, yeah...you know, It's really crazy, actually. Almost practically ever board I go to, someone (besides myself) brings up that movie. Now, that's saying something.

P.S. I really like that..."It's not in my nature to be mysterious, but I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why."

[–] GosuMom 18 years ago

Yeah, I know what you mean. Those French guards just crack me up everytime. Maybe I'm just easily entertained..... ; )

And, as for my signature, I'm a big fan of the Bourne movies, so I really enjoy seeing Matt Damon playing Linus against Pitt's Rusty and Clooney's Danny. He can throw down on evil assassins, or banter with the quickest wits.

P.S.S. - "We can't train a cat that fast...
and.....(all together) not enough people."

"It's not in my nature to be mysterious, but I
can't talk about it and I can't talk about why."

[–] nationalazkaban2 18 years ago

LOL. Oh, no. The French guards are really really funny.

America will always stand, and patriotism will never die.

[–] lroy77 10 years ago

I thought I read somewhere that a lot of it was ad-libbing. If it wasn't for the violence, it'd be a comedy.

[–] GeneralAramis 18 years ago

The whole carriage scene was great. "You're right; something red," "Next time you drive," etc. Also, the part where Louis punched Richelieu after Richelieu gave that superior smirk was classic. My absolute favourite part, though, was when Jussac came to arrest them.

Athos: Only a fool would try and arrest us twice in one day.
Jussac: You're under arrest.
Aramis & Porthos: A fool.

[–] angelkiki37 18 years ago

portos looks so much like my uncle.holy cow! any ways oliver platt has the best lines and i like how he's so hyper and enthusiantic (i didn't spell it right did i?)

[–] nationalazkaban2 18 years ago

The carriage scene was really amusing.

[–] marghee 18 years ago

Cardinals Guard "Do you intend to come peacefully or do you intend to resist?"

Porthos "Aw don't be so stupid, of course we intend to resist, give us a minute allright?"

[–] Arthrikus 18 years ago

Oliver Platt is awsome at giving one liners while playing quirky characters. Watch him in a Time to Kill <---this movie is intense though so just be prepared.

[–] 18 years ago

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[–] nationalazkaban2 18 years ago

Gardenqueen50000, I agree with your last quote about being memorable. Another one is...

Cardinal (to some extent) - Where are the musketeers?

D'artagnan - I can't tell you something I don't know.

Cardinal - And if you did?

D'artagnan - I wouldn't tell you.

[–] 18 years ago

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[–] nationalazkaban2 18 years ago

"Champaign?"
"We're in the middle of a chase, Porthos."
"You're right...something red."

[–] cc19hc 18 years ago

I watched the movie again just tonight. One of my favorite scenes is when Porthos, the "pirate", smiled and sort of waved to that guy after he fell through the ship deck. I agree, he was funny in that movie.:)

I also liked it near the end when the guy (the one whose sister's "honor is at stake") came chasing after D'artagnan, and then freaked out when he saw the musketeers.:)

[–] nationalazkaban2 18 years ago

This movie is just too fun...

America will always stand, and patriotism will never die.

[–] 18 years ago

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[–] 18 years ago

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[–] nationalazkaban2 18 years ago

I'll have to try that.

Patriotism is a feeling of loyalty and allegiance.

[–] 18 years ago

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[–] sherwood17 18 years ago

Porthos: "Ooo, may I have this dance?"

Athos: *Punch*

Great!

[–] s_makosky 17 years ago

I like Porthos' line about Rochefort, "Hmm...Rochefort, Isn't that a smelly kind of Cheese?...

haha, that line gets me everytime...

[–] nationalazkaban2 17 years ago

It is!

One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it.

[–] markity5 17 years ago

This sash was a gift to me from the queen of America.

This ax was a gift to me from the Czarina of Tokyo.

Thank you. You broke my fall perfectly.

Rochefort. Isn't that a smelly kind of a cheese?

____
I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

This ax was a gift to me from the Czarina of Tokyo.

[–] hippie_punk_spike 17 years ago

'oh dont be so stupid, of course we intend to resist, just give as a moment alright?'

'NOW, we are prepared to resist you!'

i also love the face that aramis makes when d'artagnan is reciting his poetry to the girl while theyre drinking and he gets it wrong, its classic!

A lively tune... I'm inspired to dance!

Athos: Only a fool would try and arrest us twice in one day.
Guard: You're under arrest.
Aramis, Porthos: A fool.

Aramis: We must pray for our sins.
[husband busts in and fires]
Aramis: On second thought, God's often busy.

Come D'Artagnan, we're saving the King!

Athos: Where have you been?
Porthos: Dealing with something... ugly!

God, I love my work!

Athos: Richelieu!
Cardinal Richelieu: You're too late, Musketeers! By now the Duke of Buckingham's signature is next to mine! The alliance is complete!
Athos: That would be difficult, considering the treaty never left France!
[pause]
Cardinal Richelieu: A minor problem!

Wow, ugly!

Spike: I had a plan. Yeah, a good plan. Smart. Carefully laid out. But I got bored.

[–] littleoddball 17 years ago

Pothos really does have the best lines. Loved the bit where the Chinease (?) man was showing off with his swords and Porthos just stood there watching him and then waved him sword around going "naaaanaaaaanaa" before flipping a switch

Best line "Aw now don't be so stupid, of course we intend to resist just give us a moment alright!"
ROFL everytime I hear this line

Not all who wander are lost... JRR Tolkein

[–] DreamNWrite7 17 years ago

Porthos does have the best lines, but the best scene of the movie will always be the carriage chase! :)

[–] littleoddball 17 years ago

Too true

Not all who wander are lost... JRR Tolkein

[–] nationalazkaban2 17 years ago

That is a really funny scene!

Sign the online petition at www.savefortpitt.org to save Fort Pitt!

[–] sugar_n_spice 17 years ago

Most memorable quote:

D'ARTAGNAN: Give me back my father's sword, and I'll cut out your heart!

The funniest moments, though, are whenever Girard yells "D'ARTAGNAAAAAANNNNN!" in that high-pitched voice of his!

"You're mad!"
"If I wasn't, this would probably never work!"--At World's End

[–] gwenkinsman 17 years ago

After Porthos rescues D'Artagnan from the sniper and says... "Come D'Artagnan we're saving the king". That is one of the funniest scenes in a movie ever.
This movie is my all time favorite movie as well...

So I pretty much love it all.

[–] b4wesaygoodbye2michael 8 years ago

Love the smile and laugh Athos does after he punches Porthos in the face! Absolute favorite scene!

[–] saxon_princess 17 years ago

I absolutely love this movie and Porthos is my favourite character next to Rochefort.

My favourite quotes (all Porthos):

Porthos: You, boy, are arrogant, hot tempered and entirely too bold. I like that. Reminds me of me.

Porthos: Go home. Find a wench, raise fat babies, live a good long life.

Porthos: Rochefort. Isn't that a smelly kind of cheese?

Porthos: A lively tune... I'm inspired to dance!

(Love the scene where he is drunk and asks Athos for a dance - who in turn, punches him out.)

[This is one of my fav scenes]

Athos: Only a fool would try and arrest us twice in one day.
Guard: You're under arrest.
Aramis, Porthos: A fool.
Guard: Are you coming peacefully or do you intend to resist?
Porthos: Oh don't be so stupid, of course we intend to resist! Just give us a moment, all right?
Porthos: Five of them, three of us. Hardly seems fair.
Aramis: Maybe we should give them a chance to surrender.
D'Artagnan: Excuse me, but there's four of us.
Athos: It's not your fight. You're not a Musketeer.
D'Artagnan: I may not wear the tunic, but I believe I have the heart of a Musketeer.
Porthos: Warrior!
Aramis: Poet!
Athos: You got a name, boy?
D'Artagnan: D'Artagnan.
Athos: Athos, Porthos, Aramis.
Porthos: Pleased to meet you again.
Aramis: Pleasure.
Porthos: Everyone acquainted?
[the four whirl around and unsheathe their swords]
Porthos: NOW, we are prepared to resist you!

D'Artagnan: As morning hues of sunswept...
Aramis: Fire!
D'Artagnan: ...fire caress your... poisoned face.
[Aramis looks pained. D'Artagnan gives up, and sweeps the bar maid into a kiss]
Porthos: I declare, the boy's a natural!

[the three musketeers and D'Artagnan are escaping from the Cardinal's men in his own coach]
Porthos: Champagne?
Athos: We're in the middle of a chase, Porthos.
Porthos: You're right - something red.
[During a chase, in the Cardinal's own coach]
Porthos: For a chase, the Cardinal recommends his excellent '24 Cabernet.
Porthos: [to D'Artagnan] You can't have any, you're too young.
Athos: Take the reins, boy.
Porthos: This sash was a gift to me, from the Queen of America.
D'Artagnan: There's no queen of America!
Porthos: I beg to differ, infant. We're on quite intimate terms, unless you can prove otherwise.
Porthos: The picnic was delicious, the champagne was excellent, remind me to send the Cardinal a note.

Porthos: Ah ha! The Cardinal's sacred snack chamber.

[Just to write out a few]

[–] the_iron_sun 16 years ago

*Girard falls on his butt, points*
"We'll get you D'artagnAAAAAN!"

Or at the end, when Aramis is about to lay the smack-down on the Cardinal:
Aramis: My promise to God!
King: Wait!
Cardinal: *goofiest grin ever committed to celluloid*
King: *WHAM!!*

Aramis: Let's pray for our sins...
*Husband comes in, shooting. Aramis ducks*
Aramis: On second thought, God's often busy!

Athos: Only a fool would try to arrest us twice in one day.
Captain: You're under arrest.
Porthos and Aramis: A FOOL.

[–] goddessecouture 16 years ago

This film has that rare combination of excellent writing and flawless casting. This particular blend of these actors with this script are the reason this film is a modern classic.

[–] 16 years ago

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[–] nationalazkaban2 16 years ago

haha and dartagnan messes it up

[–] Mel-chan 15 years ago

Any scene with Porthos in it...

Too much suger in your coffee this morning?-Kari to Grant on Mythbusters.

[–] kronos251 9 years ago

bump

this thread is too hilarious to be buried in this board

oh and my contribution:

D'Artagnan: "Why's Athos sitting by himself?"
Aramis: "He takes his drinking very seriously. Not to worry; he'll be his usual charming self by morning."

Rommel...you magnificent bastard, I read your book!
-- PATTON