1. There is NO EXCUSE for getting dry-gulched.
2. Carolyn can get from the side or from behind, those are her only options.
3. Dwights kids would belly-ache is the gaw-damn school was right down the
gaw-damn street and they know it.
4. Jack is gonna *beep* and fall back in it.
5. Author never had a Dad. He sprang full-blown from his Mother's imagination.
6. Certain chicks like the old "arch-cooked" special.
7. One of these days all of Dwights meaness is going to snap back and slap him in the face and HE'S SO SCARED HE'S SOO SCARED OHHHHHH!!!
8. It's Dwight's house so he gets the say about the toothpaste.
9. Dwight makes great deals! (trades an old piece of crap gun for a valuable hunting dog)
10. Caroline is the best damn shot in the county!
11. No wife of Dwight's will work for the Kennedy campaign.
12. Never watch the TV before Dwight gets home. Cause he always puts his hand on top of the tv when he gets home to check.
13. If you are going to giggle and put a puzzle together don't do it in the living room because Dwight is trying to listen to his records.
14. WHEN IS IT EVER DWIGHTS TURN????
15. Always make sure the mustard jar is empty (I MEAN REALLY EMPTY) before throwing it in the trash.
16. Dwight doesn't like liars or performers.
17. Never take Dwight's car for a joyride.
18. Dwight doesn't know how to play tenor sax.
19. The air is like wine up at Dwight's place.
20. Caroline will not referee.
21. Never call Arthur Gayle a homo.
22. Never believe Dwight when he says he's keeping your paper route money for when you really need it. Because in all reality he's spending it as you are making it.
23. Toby is a hog who gobbles down everybody's candy.
24. Never play basketball in dress shoes.
25. There is no more uranium in Moab.
26. Caroline has more courage than common sense.
27. F*U is one obscene word.
28. Turkey shoot is just a figure of speech.
29. They don't have second hand scout uniforms in Dwight's size.
30. People can call Dwight anything just as long as they don't call him late for supper.
[deleted]
32. when caught in a lie, reply by repeating *beep*(f---) you several times then carve it on the bathroom wall.
33. dukie is a good nickname for duke.
34. never offer someone a sandwich when they're thirsty.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Hubba Hubba, my name is Bubba.
35. Tobias Wolff, the writer of this not-very-good book, got his start in a successful professorial career and literary career by cheating and defrauding his way into a prep school. If only REAL writers with hard childhoods had that same inclination, eh Toby?
share36. If you put want in one hand, and then put poop in the other, you should observe to see which hand becomes the first to be filled.
37. If the TV is warm, that means that Toby is guilty of watching it.
THE RAP CRITIC:
http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/teamt/rap-critic
38. Dwight's fancy lighter trick was something he learned in the Navy.
39. Marion needs to eat cookies in order to keep her strength up.
40. Caroline doesn't have another "get-up-and-go" left in her.
41. Just the sight of Caroline gives Roy an erection.
42. When you get sent to the principal's office, make sure you don't have nicotine stains on your fingers.
43. If you want to get accepted into an Ivy League school but have poor grades, just persuade one of your friends to falsify them.
44. Arthur has grown particularly fond of Concrete.
45. If Dwight comes home with a pissed off look on his face, don't ask him how the turkey shoot went.
46. Always keep your guard up, you never know when someone might dry gulch you.
47. No one may ever know what a "bourgeois" is.
48. Jack Russell Terriers can talk.
49. Toby hates acting like Dwight.
50. If you go to Utah planning on striking it rich off uranium, you've got more courage than you do common sense.
51. When you're bored, watch Superman with your friends and make obscene comments about it.
52. Don't underestimate a woman.
53. When you're bragging about shooting turkeys to your friends, know this to avoid embarrassment: a .22 rifle would just make a tiny hole in its head.
54. Caroline's not exactly waking up singing every morning.
55. If you're angry about your dad and brother abandoning you, just blame your mom.
56. If you pull that "hot shot stuff" around Dwight, he'll break every bone in your goddamn body.
57. Toby's in for a change, a whole 'nother ball game.
58. If Dwight's around, you're a lucky person.
59. Caroline is a liar and a whore and she knows it.
60. Toby acts like an idiot, but he looks fine.
61. There is such a thing as a bad boy.
62. A rifle is a piece of crap compared to a valuable hunting dog.
63. If you throw out someone's college application forms, you're actually helping them.
64. Dwight always has his nose pressed up against the big shop window.
65. Dwight is so afraid that someone is going to get something he never had.
66. Toby has no chance of getting into "some fancy prep school."
67. You can fool people by going to a "fancy prep school."
68. Leopards can't change their spots.
69. Toby's paper route money is "gone with the wind."
70. Toby had as much chance of passing the test as Dwight had of farting his way through the star spangled banner.
71. Looking for nice churches, come to Concrete. Looking for sin, go to hell.
72. You're considered a "big hunter" if you kill a deer with your car.
73. It's not so much that Dwight has been disappointing. It's that he's been consistently disappointing.
74. You can dream of a moment for years and still somehow miss it when it comes. You've got to reach through the flames and take it, or lose it forever. Toby and Caroline took it and never looked back.
75. Dwight can't stand the fact that Toby exists.
76. If someone's face is killing you, ask them if their face hurts.
77. Norman Bates isn't the only one who wears his mother's clothes.
78. Dwight can stand a nice cup of Java.
79. Toby doesn't like school.
80. You've got to focus on the good stuff.
81. Pearl and Skipper need to shut their pie hole.
82. Pissing and moaning isn't acceptable in Dwight's home.
83. Toby and Pearl have potential to become professional singers.
84. There's too many Republicans in Concrete.
85. Toby's quite the performer.
ianradeke wins this thread....
86. Edsel's a sh*t car.
87. Dwight playing the saxophone very badly along with the TV is "the good stuff" you should focus on.
88. Caroline WILL NOT referee.
89. Toby's not getting any $10 gym shoes.
90. Boys at Hill School talk rough too.
91. What the Hill School interviewer doesn't know would fill a book.
92. President-elect Kennedy gives Caroline something, but it sure aint hope.
93. Dwight doesn't like to see the face.
94. Hey, Leopard.
95. Toby can give water to a crippled dog.
96. Caroline made blueberry muffins for Toby.
97. This is all Caroline gave Dwight for his dinner??!!??
98. If you're going to steal Dwight's car for a nightly joy ride, leave the dog at home.
99. Dwight is SO appealing.
100. The bride's son is going to get his face slapped.
101. Toby thinks of his real Dad as a Duke living in a castle.
102. There's plenty of opportunities in Seattle.
103. Dwight is sick of "Blue Monday... Blue Monday.." he so SICK of that SH!T!!!
104. Toby is a sexual dynamo, at age 12 he can fvck a girl until her nose bleeds.
105. The mustard was NOT empty, you hot-shot prep SCHOOL FCKER!!
106. Those people are pretty lucky to live in a house with a cup of java like that!
Hell yeah!😄
Hahaha!!! This made my day.
Good stuff.
------
Mischief. Mayhem. Soap.
@ ianradeke:
This made me laugh my ass off!😄
---
"Yup...lotta history down that road."
107. Toby is a leopard and those spots that he can't change.
108. Caroline is a liar whore and she knows it.