Revive MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATRE with this...
Alrighty then, this has got to be the absolute worst movie that I have ever seen. Then again, it is absolute comedy gold worthy of resurrecting MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATRE. I just had to share the ludicrous details of the plot with you all:
The Judas Project
Not only filmed in 1990, but also set there in, this is a hilariously over the top retelling of the story of Jesus Christ. “Jesse” shows up on the scene, hangin around on the beach, preaching the word and healing people. Please keep in mind that 95% of his dialogue is straight quotes from the Bible. He and his disciples, one big old bearded guy named Pete (Ray Holtman) being among them, live together in a barn like structure located on the ocean front in Savannah, Georgia. Jude, an unbelieving type of fellow who is also rather hunky, is taken in and shown the truth…so we think. He has had a troubled life with no love, so naturally he finds it hard to accept this savior.
Anyhow, Jesse (John O'Banion) takes Pete and two other disciples up on top of a mountain and reveals himself in spectacular Richard Edlund (think Industrial Light & Magic) effects that are exactly like that seen in Raiders Of The Lost Ark and Poltergeist. Yep, big water color clouds, animated cool lightning, and Jesse transforming into a white robed and bearded Jesus Christ. Swirling lights become Moses and Elijah for a moment. God speaks and is pleased with his son, in a expected booming voice. I couldn’t believe my eyes! One of the disciples feint in an attempt at comedy relief!
Jesse goes on to perform more miracles. He feeds crowds on the beach with a loaf of bread and a lump of cheese. He tells a hooker that this isn’t the life for her. He has fireside chats with his disciples and tells them that he won’t be with them forever.
The evil evangelical corporation led by a Jerry Falwell look-alike named Cunningham (Richard Herd), doubling for the role of Pontius Pilate, are out to either indoctrinate Jesse into their plans for world domination, or destroy him. Ponerous (Jeff Corey) is the true villain here though, snarling and fearing Jesse better than any Pharisee ever could. He was the best, hamming it up at every turn! I am telling you, with the big huge screen, board meeting room with long table and chairs, and world religious leaders present, I was expecting Ernst Blofeld to walk out with his white cat! Kill 007, and Jesse too!
Anyhow, they temp Jesse and he tells them off, leading to assassination attempts on Jesse. Of course, Jesse uses his powers to thwart these attacks and make the assassin hate himself. Eventually, they pay Jude thirty pieces of silver to betray Jesse (yep, in the world of 1990), even though they already knew who Jesse was and where he stayed on the beach. Grey jacket evangelical goons with Uzi weaponry surround Jesse and take him away. They capture the four disciples too, including Pete, who denies Jesse three times.
Jesse has his shirt torn and is beaten. Jerry Falwell washes his hands of the situation, and evil hammy Ponerous decides to nail him up in the barn where he stayed. First he places a crown of thorns on his head. They hoist Jesse up twenty feet into the rafters and nail his palms. There are also two others from out of nowhere to hang up with Jesse just for the heck of it. Of course, one asks forgiveness (for what?) and is granted eternal wonders.
Now, the good part…a huge Close Encounters Of The Third Kind storm approaches, casting an ominous shadow over the situation. Big animated lightning bolts start to fly from the God cloud ala Indiana Jones. God zaps the Uzi guys and also uses lightning to free the other disciples from their bonds. They get the hell out of dodge! Ponerous gets scared and makes a run for it, with God zapping his footsteps every minute. God chases Ponerous in all of his Raiders Of The Lost Ark fury into an old cemetery, and then into a roofless but really big matte painting of a mausoleum. God exclaims that He never knew Ponerous, then all the crypts lids blow off. Ala Poltergeist, spirits fly up into the lit up center of the God storm, including an up close special effect of a confederate general. I was impressed. Then fire shoots down and consumes evil Ponderous, leading to a really awesome shot of the matte painting of the mausoleum with a column of fire pouring into it! You didn’t know God chased down people and killed them???? Neither did I!!!!!!
Anyhow, a surviving Uzi guy climbs a latter and sticks a spear in Jesse’s side, then promptly gets struck down by a fantastic lightning bolt! Jesse then dies, and his ghost leaves his body in a swirling gray pattern, again, much like Poltergeist. Jude arrives after having flung his brief case of silver coins back over the fence of the huge evil evangelical empire’s headquarters. He embraces Jesse and has flashbacks of how good he really was. Poor Jude, he has learned the truth and emerges as a tragic hero.
The film descends into a string of music videos to really bad Christian music and singing that tries its darndest to make you cry…snicker! We are then treated to a bumbling Pete trying to run up to the horse and buggy funeral procession with Jerry Falwell watching from the balcony of the evangelical headquarters. An officer of the law clubs poor Pete for daring to touch Jesse’s coffin, but his fellow disciples reunite with him. The awful series of horrendous songs continue.
Many flashbacks abound about how good Jesse was. Yawn. Finally, in what seems an eternity of emotionally crappy singing, we are left with Pete standing over Jesse’s grave at the beach. He asks forgiveness. Jesse appears to him and they embrace. All is well. The end.
This aired on TBN last weekend (rather late, I might add) and was followed by an interview with the actors who played Jesse and Jude. They were very proud of their work, being devout Christians. What baffles me is that they chose to cluelessly mangle and distort the Word Of God into a special effects fiasco while portraying Judas as a heroic sort who learned a lesson. The man who played Jesse (John O’Banion) expressed several times that he thought this film would get him somewhere in his career. Also, they were proud of their new portrayal of Judas as somebody with a good conscience that shines through.
Wow! I truly am flabbergasted by this film and the distorted version of the story of Jesus it presented. I am not, however, surprised that this idiocy was trumpeted on TBN, the well known Christian in name only channel owned by Paul and Jan Crouch. This proves that the idiots on this channel of golden thrones doesn’t have a clue…at all…in any way what-so-ever! Naturally, they even included a message about those who may decide to follow Christ after viewing the film. Good grief, who wouldn’t? I mean, a god cloud will come shooting lightning bolts at you if you make the wrong choice!!!!!
I must have the DVD if one exists (and it does, available on Amazon.com), because I love those old ILM style effects and it was just so cool watching a guy get chased down and zapped ala Zeus! I encourage everyone to seek a copy of this flick and buy it, for it is guaranteed entertainment if you are feeling down! Christian or atheist, buy this film now!
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?