100. It may take a couple of tries, but the bus driver can fulfill your desire for children.
99. Winifred hates it when a little girl calls her ugly but when a teenage dude calls her ugly she'll only hate the "chick" part
98. No parent in Salem watches their kids in the case they somehow climb out of bed and walk outside in their costumes
96. The snobby elite of Salem hold Halloween parties where everyone is required to wear 18th century costumes.
95. If you're killed by Winnie, your soul goes to heaven after she dies - unless you boinked her sister Sarah in which case you get to continue your dirt nap in a shallow grave in an abandoned cemetery for eternity..
94. The Sanderson sisters can put together a killer choreographed stage act on the fly.
93. Old Hoover upright vacuum cleaners still have working headlights even when unplugged.
92. Witches apparently have no sense of style when it comes to the 17th century; they wear whatever they want and to hell with fashion history.
91. Salt can keep witches away, but it can't protect people who refuse to stay put.
90. Never call Winifred ugly, or you'll push her berserk button.
89. Don't bother to ask for help from the cops in Salem; most are just idiots in costumes that aren't really cops.
88. Don't open that magic book, or it will either tempt you into reading parts of it, or set off a beacon of orange light you're apparently too blind to notice unless you use magic.
87. It seems that despite all the changes in houses, time, erosion, and vandalism, a witches' cottage doesn't change at all, save for when it's turned into a museum that only keeps the locals entertained for a few decades before they get bored.
86. Apparently the modern town of Salem is treated the same as Salem village, the actual location of where the trials took place.
85. Schools are prisons for children.
84. Witches can apparently be scared off by tiny dogs dressed up as devils, and little girls dressed as angels.
83. The concept of wearing masks on Halloween really can protect you from evil (such as witches wanting to eat you or steal your life away).....for a while.
82. Evidently a stupid nickname for breasts back then was "yavos."
81. All bullies are stupid, have bad breath, terrible taste in clothes, wear leather jackets, and steal innocent people's shoes.
80. Never ask your big brother to act as a bodyguard unless you know for a fact he hasn't already been the victim of the same bullies who are now picking on you.
79. Never judge a zombie's character based on what he looks like.
78. One of Winifred's weaknesses is not being able to make powerful potions without her magic book there to use as a reference.
77. Be careful what you say around cats. You never know if they might suddenly start talking one day.
76. If you can't find a pointy hat, do your hair like Mary.
75. Always wear a cloak when flying on a broomstick, they're allegedly supposed to keep you warm, despite the wind blowing them back off your body in flight.
76. Sarah apparently sees all other beautiful blond girls as rivals.
73. “It sucked” is too vulgar an expression for the Dennison household.
72. A good reaction to your brother refusing to take you trick-or-treating is to scream at the top of your lungs.
71. People are very health-conscious in Los Angeles.
70. His name ain’t Ernie no more...it’s Ice!
69. Max loves Alison’s yabos.
68. Rich people will make you drink cider and bob for apples.
67. The black flame candle is made from the fat of a hangman.
66. Witches have a keen sense of smell, allowing them to discern between a child and an adult.
65. Only ugly chicks stay out late.
64. Telling witches that they’re cute won’t save you.
63. Eating too much candy can give kids the paranoid delusion that witches are after them.
62. Satan apparently looks a lot like Gary Marshall.
61. Modern kitchens look like torture chambers.
60. Don’t leave brooms unattended or trick-or-treaters will steal them.
59. 17th century witches don’t know about paved roads or buses but they DO know about learners permits.
58. A circle of salt protects against witches, zombies, and old boyfriends.
57. Winnie is just lucky that she was cursed with such idiot sisters.
56. Sarah really wants to play with teenage boys.
55. Thackeray Binx had to wait three hundred years for a virgin to light a candle.
54. A kids movie with several adult themes.
53. Zombies can retain their flesh and even eyeballs after hundreds if years dead.
52. Any cleaning device can he used for flight.