MovieChat Forums > Damage (1993) Discussion > Incredibly selfish

Incredibly selfish

posted 16 years ago by brown-valerie
12 replies | jump to latest

I've seen the movie several times and just watched a bit of it on IFC. The insights on other posts about Anna's motivations make sense but I don't feel sorry for her. My over-riding emotion about the movie is anger at both her and Jeremy Irons' character. How could two individuals be so incredibly selfish? Oh poor Jeremy, he has to go live in a garret all alone, boo hoo.

After Miranda Richardson's great kitchen scene, he dares to comfort her and says, give all your pain to me. Ugh!

I like Miranda Richardson's line when she wakes up the next morning and says, "what a pity we ever met."

[–] lornamd-1 16 years ago

I agree they are both extremely selfish people. I have sympathy with Anna for her pain over her brother but that isn't Martin or Ingrid's fault so it doesn't excuse what she did to them. The Jeremy Irons character isn't any better, yes he loved Anna but he is still responsible for his own behaviour and what about the love he should feel for his family? I saw Martin's fate as metaphorical of the way they were ruining his life with their own selfishness (or in Anna's case maybe maliciousness).

[–] 16 years ago

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[–] Chelle-the-Belle 15 years ago

You hit the nail on the head! That line was the most powerful for me as well. "I wish we never met" or "I wish you never existed" are probably some of the most devastating statements a person can say to another, married or not.

The other line that will forever be etched in my mind is when Stephen's wife says, "Why didn't you kill yourself?". When someone truly believes everything would just be better without you in the world, that would be the darkest of days.

[–] englisher101 14 years ago

Maybe you haven't been in love so passionately before. I'm a man so I don't know if this can happen to a woman, but I've been in love so deeply that I didn't care at all about consequences: only she mattered. One cannot help but be powerlessly selfish in such circumstances. I would have even given my life for her without a second thought. Rationally, that makes no sense whatsoever to do this and I'm a rational person working in a scientific field, but there can be a love so passionate that one can't think straight anymore and become driven purely by emotion and desire.

Since then I've met many other girls and I have a very lovely girlfriend now. I love my current girlfriend and we're probably going to get married but I've never been in love so passionately since that time. Maybe it's just a different type of love - one that treads a very fine line between obsession and also a rather naive and immature form of love, but it does exist, and it can render even the most responsible, rational-thinking person into a completely irresponsible, obsessive, emotional fool. It's more powerful than any drug I've ever tried, and it can affect people at pretty much any age provided that they meet the right person.

Note that this kind of love isn't necessarily the best kind, I just want to point out that it exists. The obsessive relationship I had before was also my most problematic one. We couldn't stand being apart from each other but we also couldn't stand being with each other, constantly bickering about petty things and also constantly distrusting each other, becoming jealous of each other, etc. only to make up and become deeply in love all over again. We eventually became rational and broke up and I found a much more peaceful relationship later on, but it was still the most passionate relationship I ever had.

[–] 14 years ago

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[–] NeoDeMover 14 years ago

This is MANY MANY months late... but I know exactly what you're talking about.

After two years and about 50 women later - I've yet to have that OMG, passion from a "the one". It was INTOXICATING, seriously - being with her, even months after we first meet. We did go out to clubs and dance, but for the most part - I don't remember talking with my friends there much. Also it was a bit self-destructive too.

After all this time, I can honestly say I love her today as much as the last time I saw her, which was with a kiss. I've tried to see if we could get back, so I've moved on, mostly... and just be open to someone else, hopefully... just as strong.

[–] ShrinkMD 13 years ago

I suppose what Stephen was experiencing was similar to substance abuse: he can't stop, despite knowing that his actions are self-destructive.

I think the book makes it clearer just how obsessed with Anna he was; there are many references to him not feeling truly "alive" until he met her.

[–] marbleann 13 years ago

Sounds like obsession to me. And yes I have experienced it and so has may other people. But the difference is the people are usually very young and naive. This man was way to old to be acting like a fool. He was in lust with this young woman and that is all it was about. I feel every man who has affairs on his wife carry on like it is a obsession. What do people think they just have sex in hotels. They have sex anywhere they can. Like these two.These women know the man is married. And the impact affairs have on families is no different then what happens in the movie. People are making more of this then they should. And trying to romanticize this affair is crazy. Oh and it is obvious the woman here has some serious issues. Why are people over looking this?

[–] mcmgm 13 years ago

Because it's a MOVIE?

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Kristen Dowd
The Future of Independent Film

[–] sj0 13 years ago

i think its bot love and lust... first lust, then love

[–] clarrain 13 years ago

This is a film about obsession ~ for which that is the very definition! When obsession takes over one is blinded to all other considerations. Period. Dismissing them as selfish is like saying people with OCD are overly fastidious. Why see a film in the first place of which that is the central theme [stated in the trailer and on the movie posters] and then complain that you couldn't relate? Lucky you!!!

[–] lornamd-1 13 years ago

No one is disputing that what Stephen felt for Anna was very strong or that the film was about obsession but that doesn't make his/their actions any less selfish or horrible.

Sadly some people use love or "I can't help it" to excuse any action no matter how cruel to others as a copout to avoid taking responsibility. I'm not saying its just that simple but saying obsessive love takes away all free will is a simplification to.

clarrain you are saying that people should only see films where characters do things they agree with I don't know what you are referring to in your last sentence. There is a difference between the OP criticizing the characters in the film and criticizing the film itself.