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1,001 Things I Learned From 'The Magic Voyage'

posted 14 years ago by billgh4
5 replies | jump to latest

This film can be pretty despised in some circles, so I'm not sure this list will really ever get off the ground. But even if it doesn't, I thought this would be fun for at least a little while. Feel free to pick up on it!

1. No one knew the Earth was round in 1492 - that was just some bug's idea.
2. Christopher Columbus' ship crew consisted of three or four men - that's how he found the New World.
3. America would never have been discovered without the aid of bugs, birds, & beavers.
4. Early native Americans worshiped a gold-plated object.
5. You can travel from Italy to Spain in only a few minutes via horse carriage.
6. People who invented useless objects in 1492 would often congest King Ferdinand's castle waiting to be heard.
7. Christopher Columbus was, in fact, allergic to rope.
8. In describing the discovery of the Americas, history books routinely omit the critical insect romance.
9. Columbus had to sleep with Isabella before getting a greenlight for his voyage.
10. The famed Columbus voyage did, in fact, suffer opposition from a lesser known antagonist, who just so happened to be a sentient swarm of termites.
11. Christopher Columbus was not the first man to sail around the world with three talking rats - someone else tried that first, and died.
12. Sharks in the Atlantic roar like mountain lions.
13. Typical sea gulls possess a tail feather that serves as a 'stabilizer.'
14. After stealing a magical fairy princess from a magical moon paradise, the evil Swarm Lord carried his captive to the most logical place he could think of - Spain.
15. Queen Isabella was a committed alcoholic.
16. Christopher Columbus neglected his pet fish.
17. A pivotal moment in America's history was when Columbus ran across the jungles in his underwear.
18. Beavers build dams on beaches, and use them as houses.
19. King Ferdinand sent Columbus on a wild goose chase across the globe, only in hopes that Columbus would 'bring back gold.'
20. Gyms and airlines were familiar ideas in 1492.

[–] angrybeavers13 13 years ago

Columbus had dreams where he pulled telescopes out of his crotch.

"Andy! You goonie!"

[–] GurningChimpII 13 years ago

22. Columbus was a mind reader
23. 1492 was full of noise, noise, NOISE!

Who can take you higher than a twin peak mountain blue?

[–] yarmen12 11 years ago

21. If you're among a group of rats chasing a witty scarecrow-looking-thing, never let the gullible rat be in the lead cause he'll believe the scarecrow if it says there's a piece of cheese back there, do a U turn and knock all y'all down.

20. The rat believed there was a piece of cheese back there, despite the fact that they had already gone past that part atleast once.

[–] r_freeman 10 years ago

24. Irene Cara committed career suicide with this.

[–] IndianaMcClane 10 years ago

25. Geniuses are generally ugly.
26. The best way to stave off a mutiny at sea is to start singing and dancing.
27. Hangings make for good family entertainment.
28. Christopher Columbus was a mind reader.
29. Chandeliers can effectively work as funhouses for bugs...
30. ...as well as prisons for fairies.
31. Mr. Cherrywood of Care Bears fame moonlights as an animated film narrator.
32. Dancing on the railing of a ship is perfectly safe.
33. Christopher Columbus was a talented sock puppet ventriloquist.
34. The terms "square" and "cube" are interchangeable.
35. By just taking the corners off of a cube you make it a round shape.
36. New York City was constructed in the Caribbean.
37. Columbus managed to foresee the traffic circle that would be named after himself centuries before it was ever an idea or possibility in anyone's mind.
38. Titanic: The Legend Goes On could be considered reasonable after all.
39. Normal fish are able to consume the heads of seagulls.
40. Pico used to be a book worm. One that sat up on the shelf.
41. He used to read about exotic lands. Ones that he wanted to see himself.
42. Eating libraries makes woodworms smarter, to the point that they know information not even contained within them.
43. Christopher Columbus could wear seagulls as hats, and they were okay with this apparently.
44. Columbus had the smarts, but the royals had the money!
45. Columbus owned a boat shaped rickshaw carriage thing.
46. He gives the horse that pulls it orders in nautical terms.
47. Once everyday life was dreary, but now it is bright and cheery because het met a fella like Pico...after spending minutes together.