MovieChat Forums > Sleeping with the Enemy (1991) Discussion > Why did it take so long for Ben to liste...

Why did it take so long for Ben to listen when Laura told him no?

posted 9 years ago by Life_is_good5
13 replies | jump to latest

This part always bugged me as it seems to me that he is a nice guy.
So, they are kissing on the stairs and then she starts getting uncomfortable as his head goes into her chest. Then she says: "No" and presses against him a little bit. He still keeps kissing her. She then pushes a little harder and says: "Ben, STOP! It's not right" He keeps going. Then she goes: "Ben please, I can't." (He says something that I couldn't understand). It isn't until she yells: "BEN, STOP! STOP IT!!!" and pushes even harder for him to get off.... that he does.... but reluctantly!!! Then SHE apologizes!

Why did he not listen the five to six times she told him to stop? He didn't rape her... that's not what I'm saying. However, it took him WAY too long to even come close to listening to her...

Thoughts?

[–] umiryuzaki26 9 years ago

I think she just catched him off guard; one moment they are going at it so passionately they almost ended up doing it on the stairs, and then she's suddenly yelling for him to stop because "it's not right".

Maybe he didn't even heard her the first two or three times (I saw the spanish dub, and she was whispering.) She shouldn't have apologized, but that's just the way she's wired thanks to her past experience with Martin.

It was a weird scene, no doubt. I get they needed to show Laura's issues with intimacy, but they casted shadow over their shiny love interest for no reason at all.

[–] fiatlux-1 9 years ago

I think Ben at first just got caught up in the moment, but after she pushed him off he had NO right to ask "God, what did he do to you?" as if an abuser could be the ONLY reason she doesn't want to have sex!
I wanted to smack her too, for apologizing. Why the hell didn't BEN apologize?!!!

I thought Laura refusing this way made perfect sense. She would have serious (and SHOULD in a way) have trust issues when it comes to men.
Not only because Martin hurt her, but because Laura herself realizes that she herself trusted Martin & was completely wrong about him.
So she does not trust her own judgment.

I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus.
Didn't he discover America?
Penfold, shush.

[–] unapologetic_mocker 9 years ago

This definitely bugged me, alot. Not just this sequence alone but how pushy he was throughout. He definitely painted himself as the victim a number of times.

I can't tell whether this is deliberate on the writer/director's part, because that is a legitimate situation which sadly continues, or if they are actually that insensitive and hamfisted and that we were supposed to sympathise with him.

[–] adouthit-1 9 years ago

He obviously knew something bad had happened to her and most likely from an ex or something like that. There were clues and I think he already put it together. And I think when he said what did he do to you, he was genuinely concerned.

[–] januaryjoy_83 8 years ago

I agree with your assessment. I don't know he meant it in a bad way.

[–] Catnip86 9 years ago

Because he is a creep. The sequel probably would have shown him being worse than Martin, just in different ways.

[–] Carson_Wells 8 years ago

Sometimes no means yes, and it gets a bit confusing at times. I've had this happen several times.

[–] dosgatosazules 8 years ago

No only ever means one thing.

NO.

Unless you're playing with established safewords, which somehow I doubt.

[–] C_Dubya 8 years ago

He was caught up in the moment. Plus she was kind of whispering, probably because she wasn't used to saying no to a man and was scared to. Doesn't make him a bad guy. He shouldn't have tried to guilt trip her though.

[–] Helenlaurence 8 years ago

Caught up in the moment is no excuse. No means no. It was a vinous she stopped enjoying it and felt uncomfortable!
I think they purposefully made him ambiguous, maybe to mirror Laura's own unsureness about men?
He wasn't perfect. But I don't think he was an abuser.

[–] juli18807 (71) 4 years ago

Because it was 1990, when discussions surrounding rape/consent/female sexual agency/etc were still either non-existent or very primitive.

[–] lemonhead1 (410) 2 years ago

Uh, because he was horny?

[–] Patman111196 (1232) 2 years ago

Yeah, he wouldn't take no for an answer for a bit of time. It makes you wonder if he is secretly like Martin deep inside. That would be very terrifying.