MovieChat Forums > The Roller Blade Seven (1991) Discussion > Where are Mike and the bots....

Where are Mike and the bots....


When you need them?

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Have you actually seen this film?

This is without a doubt the single worst piece of filmaking ever produced. Worse than Batman and Robin, worse than Plan Nine from Outer Space, worse than sticking your face in a fan (after the sh*t's hit it).

But no-one else apart from me and my flatmates have seen this film. I think there should be a cult around this film.

Although I think it might be a bit like satanism.

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It's like a glimpse into an extremely boring and badly executed hell.

I'd like to join your cult but I'm afraid if I had to watch any parts of this film again, I would have to kill you (over and over again, but using a different filter or sound effect each time until you think your brains are going to pop out your ears from boredom)

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I've never seen such an unwatchable film! The slow-motion half naked women, etc.

Sickening.

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I maintain it was conceived using a revolutionary and experiemental film-making technique: everybody involved picks a random word from the dictionary and writes it on a scrap of paper. These are then drawn out of a hat and compiled to make the premise of the film.

In this case, I believe the words were probably:

Skates
Banjo
Nun
Samurai
Clown
Sparrow
Desert
Karen Black

I think the same process was used to create Star Wars, fortunately with better results.

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Hey Tom going into the wheel zone that'll be the day.

This film I agree is stupendously bad, but long may live the utility ninja. And Sparrows incredibly bad knife catch in the gob and slices the neck of what looks like the Gyro captain from Mad Max 2. I know of a Giro captain but, that’s another story.

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Dear biscuit,

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I TOO HAVE SEEN THIS *beep*

I WANT THOSE 90 MINUTES OF MY LIFE BACK!

We are a small group of film fans, lovers of art and b-movies alike. In fact we are known to our friends for a sizeable collextion of apalling films, including such marvels of production as "Carnival of Blood", "Graveyard Disturbance", "Rats Night of Terror" and the awesome "Clash of Warlords".
HOWEVER...
The Rollerblade Seven has pinnacled (and plummeted through) our collextion with a shocking level of crapness. How did it get made? Who are these insane freaks? Why do each of the rubbishy looking shots, all repeated needlessly and with an impoverishment of style unimaginable to even the most cynical critic, WHY do they loop themselves endlessly around my poor, tarnished mind as I lie there at night, lonely and moaning... bereft of the vestiges of my waning sanity? Why? Why haven't I burnt the tape? And the box? And tracked down Frank Stallone and the Masters of Light and KILLED THEM ALL?

I think it may be because I'm lazy.

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At last I have found other poor souls who have seen this film.

I don't know about a cult but I think a support group is more in order, I'll go first,

'Hello, my name's Sid and....................... I've seen The Roller Blade Seven!'

Ahh, that's better.

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Hello, my name's Pete, and I've seen the roller blade 7. Not only that, but I've made forced two of my friends to see it, just to witness how rubbish it is. I also donated my copy to one of them, so he can use it in his media studies lectures (or whatever it is he teaches) as an example of how not to make a film

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Has anybody tried watching this with a group of people and a lot of beer?

I think that is the only suitable way to watch this film...

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Ha, I subjected this tape to all the people who attented my house-warming a few months back.

Now I have no friends.


"Have you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation!?"
"I don't listen to hip-hop..."

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Yes, we've tried it, but really there is no suitable way to watch this film. It is truly the worst film in existance.

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One of the few films I have watched on fast forward. I only stopped to look at the naked breasts a few time.

I suppose if I was pissed and stoned it would all make sense.

Hopefully

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I know for a fact that Scott Shaw now lives in Kamakura, just outside Tokyo. I was in Tokyo last autumn and I wish I had known that then so I could have tracked him down and beaten him to death with our copy of this hellish tape.

P.S Clash of the Warlords is a genius film. What's even better is when you put the film on double speed and you and your friends drunken dub over it.

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