MovieChat Forums > King Ralph (1991) Discussion > What would you do if you were King/Queen...

What would you do if you were King/Queen of England?


I might auction off one to the five big castles the monarch gets to travel to, give 75% to charities, and the rest buy a sizeable but securable summer house in Scotland. I don't need five castles. Would you have a bowling alley? Buy all the James Bond movies?

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Abdicate. Hordes of bodyguards and British press following me everywhere, writing nasty s**t about me every day? That's okay...keep your mold-infested palaces...

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What would I do? Say Henry and Cranmer, and Liz, were dead wrong, and return England to Catholicism, hoping that the Vatican might follow. Become the true Defender of the Faith. And, as well, make sure British Naval commanders could command, and that British Royal Navy officers and sailors could defend themselves against a couple of speedboats. Perhaps, that's just me.

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Two words...masssiivee party!

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Firstly, its King of Great Britain, not England, and secondly, you cant sell the castles, they're inherited, and not personal property.

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Come to think of it, I might auction off all but two of my castles, 100% of each intake going to various humanitarian causes. If I had a party, I might put in a disco ball somewhere, have some hacky-sacker DJ, MASTER DIZ-ZEE or something, lay down some old school tunes from the 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s. I would definately all the pink ice cream out of the Neopolitan ice cream. Would definately catch-up on my reading. I would have slinky races down some of those big steps. Cricket? Send that little baby out of the park, run in slow motion around the imaginary bases, humming the theme song from The National.

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Smile and wave? xD

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My first King's speech would be taken directly from The Mark Thomas Comedy Product: -

"Scotland and Wales: *beep* off
Northern Ireland: keep the b*stard
the rest of us: gettin' pissed, invading France tomorrow!"

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I would re-establish absolute monarchy, and while the U.S is militarily busy overseas,reclaim the colonies,i believe we left them with 13 ? so 50 colonies is a great interest payment for all our trouble (Mel Gibson Movies etc) lol

"I'm as mad as hell and i'm not gonna take this anymore" !!

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Make England, Scotland, and Wales the 51st and 52nd US states. Wales gets merged into England. Northern Ireland goes back to the Republic.

Commonwealth nations? You're on your own.

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The Commonwealth is only good for sports anyway.

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Hmmm... I've actually thought about this over the years.

I don't have that many selfish desires:

I'd have an entire new wardrobe.

I'd have all the "Road to Avonlea" DVDs.

I'd have nice yarn for charity knitting, as well as my own projects.

Less selfish plans:

I'd make sure that those on the Civil List get paid only for work they do, not just for being Royal (myself included).

I'd see to it that the Firm seriously cut down on their holidays. Two weeks of September at Balmoral. One weekend in Klosters in February. Weekends off would be staycations or on their own dime. No weeks in the Caribbean, etc. – let’s face it, English people look silly with tans.

I'd turn Sandringham into a hotel year-round. Anyone wanting to stay there would have to pay an-arm-and-a-leg. Profits would go into a scholarship fund for poor children.

I'd see that the younger Royals toed the line:

"Gap" years would be spent working (at least 40 hours/week) in charity – physical labor in poor areas, battered women's shelters, soup kitchens, etc.

If they want to travel, they go to poor areas and work – places like Pine Ridge Reservation, teaching children in Appalachia, cleaning up hurricane-stricken areas like Myanmar or tsunami-ravaged areas in Indonesia, etc.

I'd keep them out of bars and parties – they can socialize at the Palace with charity knit-ins, Red Cross, useful things, etc.

College majors would be chosen with an eye to a non-Royal career - Business, Education, Science, Computer Programming, Medicine, Law, Nursing, etc. None of this Art History stuff unless you're actually going to work as a curator in a museum. And they would have to maintain at least a B average, or I wouldn't pay for it.

They would be allowed to enter the military, if they like, but would spend four years enlisted on active duty before being allowed to go for training in Sandhurst, etc.

In other words, public liberalism and personal conservatism. “Duty” no longer being a dirty word. Great Britain needs to return to the values that made it great – common sense, logic, preparation and follow-through. Going from the heart is fine in certain circumstances, but not all the time. Solomon said that the heart was treacherous. It can get you in trouble. The Royal Family must lead the British people back in that direction.

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I'd be the first real 'King of England' (AKA not the descendant of a pirate that killed the elected king of England) since Edgar Atheling (who died around 1126)!

"Nothings gonna change my world!"

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