The Wit and Wisdom of Mike Church

How to read teabags to an amnesiac:
"You were born in Idaho. Your father was a potato farmer. You tell jokes real well. You're a great cook and you never get seasick except maybe that one time on your honeymoon (So I'm married?) Yeah, to Jim Tenenbaum, the Potato Prince. (The Potato Prince?) Yeah (So then I'm rich?) No, you're poor but you have each other so it doesn't matter. Your favorite color's red, your favorite flowers are roses... (So how'd I lose my memory?)Well, uh, Once a month, you take six homeless women bungee jumping off the roof of the CalFed Building off of Miracle Mile and uh bumped your head and ended up in the Wilshire district until you finally ended up at St. Audreys (Bungee jumping??!!!)Yeah, you're a thrill seeker, you know."

How to get anquainted with a mute amnesiac:
"Well, if you see something you recognize, holler. I mean, I know you can't holler per se but maybe you know uh, give a wave or something, uh, um, hmm,.... you know, its sure is nice to be with somebody you don't feel you have to yak to all the time, you know......"

How to keep neightbors quiet:
"TRUDY, WILL YOU SHUT UP!!!!!!!"

How to comfort an amnesiac:
"I'm thinking there's a certain kind of freedom in living in the present tense. At least, you don't have to spend every day trying to forget your past."

How to get an *beep* out of your house:
"Here's the water. There's the door. Sorry about the stairs."

If I keep writing I will be here all day; so here is my official shrine to the hero of "Dead Again" who should have had his own film series!!! We are talking about the working man's Jack Bauer here!!!!!