Rifftrax Version
Thankfully, Rifftrax has done a commentary for this suckfest. From their website:
"Laser Mission features exactly 0 lasers, and exactly 1 Ernest Borgnine! Nothing says 'action' like Borgnine! (No, really, he says the word 'action' in a funny accent.) Second: if most laser missions were to include a theme song that repeats on a seemingly endless loop, that theme song would probably contain the words 'laser' or 'mission.' Not Laser Mission! No, instead you’ll be treated to 'Mercenary Man,' a little ditty cooked up by David Knopfler (the junior Knopfler of Dire Straits), over and over and over again. And, in the role of the Mercenary Man, none other than Brandon Lee of The Crow fame! It just doesn’t get more laser-ish or mission-esque than this!"