The only unlikely part of the story in this mostly realistic film is how Ann goes to see Cynthia in the bar and has seemingly forgiven her. Excuse meeeee, but Cyn lied to her just as badly as the husband, slept with her husband for God's sake, and wouldn't that hurt even worse (than betrayal by a spouse) when coming from a close relative or family member?
Would *you* forgive a sibling if he or she did that to you ???
You've had an effect on my life.
It would be a lot easier to forgive your sibling if you had been miserable in your marriage and were only happy once you had gotten out of the marriage, fallen in love - and finally had an orgasm. Sure, it doesn't make what Cynthia did right. But it would put Ann in a much better frame of mind for forgiving her.
I think Ann did not even realize how unhappy she was in her marriage until she met Graham and saw that there was more to life than the "security" of living with a law partner, being patronized and belittled by him on a routine basis and always having to wonder whether she was nuts for suspecting him of something that turned out to be true.
So, yeah Cynthia's betrayal was horrible but I can totally understand why Ann would forgive her once she was out of the marriage and feeling a whole lot happier with her life.
Hi dancingjinn,
I like your analysis but I am more interested in what you would do if you were in the situation. Thoughts? :)
You've had an effect on my life.
OK, for me personally...If I were married and I found out my sister was having an affair with my husband, I would of course feel horribly betrayed. The level of betrayal I felt by each person would depend on my relationship with that person. If I truly loved my husband and trusted him, I would feel much more betrayed than if I was only marginally happy with him and constantly worried that he might be cheating on me (like in the movie). Likewise, if I were very close with my sister and trusted her to always have my best inerest at heart, I would feel a lot more betrayed than if we had a fairly close but conflicted relationship where I pretty much expected her to do things I disapproved of(like in the movie). I think I would feel more betrayed by my sister than by my husband but it's a little hard to know for sure, since I do have a sister but have never had a husband (so I'm having to base this on my imagination and extrapolation from somewhat similar situations in my own life).
As time went on, my ability to get over my sense of betrayal toward my sister would depend partly on how much damage I felt her betrayal had actually caused in my life. (This I can be more sure of based on personal experience with getting betrayed). If my life after the betrayal actually turned out to be much better than my life before, it would not wipe out the sense of betrayal but it would make it much easier to forgive. Which is what I think happened to Ann.
That might not be exactly rational since Cynthia (for example) did not make her decisions based on the amount of ultimate damage it would cause to Ann. The fact that the betrayal led Ann to go to Graham, have a an intense sexual and emotional connection with him, and enter some type of (in my mind) fulfilling relationship with him that was lightyears better than anything she ever could have had with John was not anything that Cynthia foresaw or based her betraying decisions on. But for ME, if I were in that situation, it would be way easier to say to myself - yeah, I'm mad she betrayed me but look how much happier I am now so let's move on.
The other thing that would make it easier for me to forgive my sister is if she seemed truly sorry and tried to reach out to me to rebuild our relationship. I got the impression that Cynthia was making efforts in that direction in her own little way. I could be making a leap there but that's how I always pictured it.
So yeah, if I were in that situation, I feel I would be able to forgive my sister and have a positive relationship with her again. I might not completely trust her for a very long time, but the sister/sister relationship is too deep to throw away, even over a major betrayal like Cynthia did.
Wow, you made a great effort to give me a well thought out answer. Thank you !!
I've had marginal to very poor relationships with three sisters and I can tell you, I'd never forgive any one of them if they did to me what Cynthia did to Ann, even if the husband and I split up. There's no context in which that would be deemed forgiveable actions, in my opinion, even if I wound up happier afterwards because I wound up with the GORGEOUS Graham. Let's not forget that Cynthia also masturbated in front of Graham... and he winds up being the love of Ann's life. Hard to forget that also (even if you know that's the kind of thing Cynthia would do...) So much of Cynthia's behaviour was maybe not originally calculated to annoy or aggravate Ann, but she rushed to inform Ann of it afterwards so that Ann would be shocked or annoyed. Overall, Cynthia's generally anti-sister behaviour, added to her sleeping with John and masturbating in front of Graham, would lead me to not ever want to forgive her. Or at the very least, never trust her again.
Where's everybody else on this board ? It's like a ghost town here...
You've had an effect on my life.
Thanks, sexy. Yep, I just thought it was cool that you seemed to be really looking for other people's points of view so I gave it my full thought.
I can definitely see where you're coming from. I think you hit one thing on the head - Graham is GORGEOUS. I think ending up with him would seriously sway my whole ability to forgive anyone who inadvertently pushed me into his arms :)
And yeah, it's disappointing that this board has so little activity.
I too was a little suprised by what was a bit more than forgiveness on Ann's part. She acted more as if Cynthia had never done anything wrong to begin with. This makes sense if we see Ann and John's marriage as essentially fake and non-existent. If there was never anything real to betray, then the betrayal is in appearance only.
The film is about the power of openess and honesty. I noticed that after Cynthia did her interview she seemed like a much more real person. The extrovertedness or loudness that Ann accuses her of can be interpreted as a lack of honesty in the way she presents herself. By the end of the film her tone of voice, facial expressions and behaviours have changed to ones that are more natural and open.
Ann undergoes a similar transition from dishonest to honest state, only hers is a more personal sort of honesty, honest acceptance of her sexuality.
Before these transitions take place the sisterly relationship is one of hostility and mutual disapproval. After the charachters have changed they can begin to have an honest familial relationship, Ann is no longer disapproving of Cynthia's sexuality because she accepts her own... and Cynthia can admit that she actually wants a sisterly relationship 'can I call you?' rather than complete independence.
By the end of the film, the two charachters have changed so radically that its almost as if the betrayal had effect an entirely different set of sisters. The slate is wiped clean and they can both have the sister that they really wanted.