My Top 10 funniest quotes from the film (note that it wasn't entirely easy because there were SO MANY quotes to choose from, which just goes to show how talented and humorous the writers are! ):
1. Grandma (as her and her granddaughter Susan are leaving the room and speaking of the sex action on the television): One of those men reminded me of your Grandpa. God bless him!
2. Nathan (responding to his wife Susan's question -"Are you accusing me of of making that hole in the diaphragm?"):No, a woodpecker came in here, went into the bathroom, opened the drawer with his little wing and pecked a couple of holes in your diaphragm!
3. Todd (after Mrs. Buckman was surprised to find out from Todd that her son Garry is FINALLY happy, since he is usually moody and secretive): He even smiled! I never even knew he had teeth!
4. Nathan (responding to his wife's request that their daughter has to learn how to relate to others, by pointing out a kid WHOSE HEAD IS STUCK ON THE LAWN CHAIR): Do you want her to relate to HIM?
5. Helen (after finding Garry's bag full of porno tapes):l assume you're watching these because you're curious about sex... you know. Or filmmaking.
6. Gil Buckman (to the police, after the bullet from his son's gun hits Gil's loudspeaker): Nice shot, son. It's important to show support.
7. Helen (banging on her daughter's door): Open this door! God damn it to hell! I would just like a little respect! Not a lot! Just a little!
8. Helen (AFTER she JUST TOLD her daughter that if she leaves the house, then she can't come back, and her daughter leaves anyway): Julie! Julie! Julie! Honey. Honey, I'm always here if you need me. Sweetheart. Honey, be careful. If you want anything, just call me! Julie! Bye.
9. Frank (crankily responding to his son Larry's question if that woman was Grandma): Yeah, she's still alive.
10. Helen (after finding out her daughter got married to Todd a few weeks ago, she goes from hitting Todd to hitting Julie with a newspaper roll): ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?
Every line that Helen says in the conversation with Julie about those photos, is hysterical.
"It was just for fun, Mom." "Well, I'm glad to know it's not a job!"
"Is that what bothers you? That I did these things, or that I did them with Tod?" "Gee whiz Julie, there's just so many things that bother me about this, I can't separate them out. Ooh, here's one for my wallet!"
Julie says she better leave before they say things that they'll regret. Helen: "you were going to say something worse than the battery remark?"
You must be the change you seek in the world. -- Gandhi
Young Gil: You don't even exist. You're just an amalgam. Usher: A what? Young Gil: (makes Steve Martin face, explains what an amalgam is) Usher: Great. You've got a beautiful wife and kids, and I'm a g.d. amalgam.
Grandma tells her roller coaster story. Then leaves for the car. The wife talks about how sweet grandma is. Gil is all angry. The wife says grandma is brilliant then Gil says "If she is brilliant how come she is sitting in the neighbors car!"
This cracks me up. I picture a sweet old lady calmly sitting in a car. The owners of the car fresking out wondering who is in their car.
Yeah, it showed that it looked like she was brilliant, but she wasn't completely. I'm sure the neighbors would've done something eventually, they just didn't show that part.