Is there a better movie to play "100 Things I Learned?"
100. Never, ever leave a hat on the bed.
99. Don't forget about the "transom."
98. Send the drugs ahead so you can rendezvous with them on the road...
Tag, you're it.
93. Bob was once a shameless, full-time dope fiend.
share92. Beware of somebody having a violent convulsive seizure in public. It may just be a diversionary tactic.
share92. Ben Hogan's are the junky golf club of choice!
share90. Dope fiends like Bob don't seem to want Demerol.
share89. Hiding the body of a dead teenage girl in the attic of the apartment you're living in is almost never a good idea.
share88. Bob can't tell you the things that can put a hex on his future, because even mentioning that thing is a hex in itself. Like dogs, for example. (whoops, sorry Bob, I guess I shouldn't have said that...)
share87. When junkies like Bob go sober and try to straighten out their lives, the only job they can possibly get is drilling holes in sheet metal all day every day.
share86. You can buck the system, but you can't buck the dark forces that lie hidden beneath the surface -- the ones some people call "superstitions": howling banshees, black cats, hats on beds, dogs and the evil eye.
sharebetween drugs and sex with a beautiful woman...drugs will win out every time...
share84. A junkie nurse maybe be stepping on my medication.
share83. Tying your shoes is one of the pressures of everyday life.
82. Don't swing your golf club in the house.
81. Shovels can be used to bury drugs as well as Heather Graham.
80. Cops instinctively know who a dog's owner is, especially if said dog belongs to drug addicts.
79. Heather Graham knows her multiplication tables.
78. If you get shot, ambulance drivers take their time getting you to the hospital.
77. Some addicts take their dogs with them when robbing pharmacies.
76. It's a good idea to stash drugs over other people's hotel rooms, but dead bodies are okay to leave right by the attic panel.
75. A medical pharmacist has no idea what to do if you have a seizure.
74. If you're a man with a head wound in a hospital, go take care of it in the women's restroom.
73. Don't lock your apartment so as to let cops and drug addicts inside whenever they please.
72. Looking at the back of a mirror is bad because you are looking at yourself backwards and um.... no you're looking at your inner self and you haven't um... it's like looking at... it's just bad okay, don't do it.
71. If you are an elderly, former priest, junky then it will take you a long time to say the word "International".
70. Mother's hide their drugs underneath the armoire.
69. Playing the song "Put a Little Love in Your Heart" will make Kelly Lynch open her shirt to reveal her bra.
68. Kelly Lynch has small breasts.
Those are funny.
medical pharmacist
But, what is a medical pharmacist?
E pluribus unum
67. Sometimes bad luck can be good luck.
share66. Booze, glue, gasoline, and gunshot wounds to the head can relieve the everyday pressure of having to tie your shoes.
65. If your record shows a steady climb from juvenile offender to small-time thief, you'll do just fine in life.
64. Faking an epileptic seizure isn't considered work.
63. Nadine can't shoot no goddamn blue.
62. Robbing pharmacies is a game You Can't Win.
61. Pharmacies in Portland don't carry wintergreen gum.
60. Don't bring your rat-faced granny along to a drug deal to hold your hand.
59. Robbing pharmacies is like a crap game.
58. Morphine sulphate gets your eyes so far out of focus you can't read a stop sign.
57. Ten times nine is seventy-five.
56. Actually it's ninety, Bob.
55. You can trade "crystal methedrine" for a foxy female.
54. If you bury the drugs in the backyard, the cops will never find them.
53. Hospitals are all holding bottles of pills for Bob Hughes.
52. Public golf courses are for pussies.
51. Opiate addicts enjoy playing golf.
50. Don't hide the drugs in the Frosted Flakes.
49. If there were no cops, the competition would be so heavy there'd be nothing left to steal.
48. You cannot run and play all your life, Diane.
47. Josephine is a better name for an apartment complex than Dale.
46. Always carry a calendar so you know when the hex ends.
45. Death is preferable to a 15-year hex.
44. $8,400 worth of powdered Dilaudid will last three addicts a week.
43. There's just no talking to Nadine sometimes.
42. Bob is like a rabbit, in and out and no nonsense.
41. Drugs are made in a drugstore.
40. If you stick your arm between the bars of a jail cell, they will shoot you up with a shot of morphine.
39. Things can sure get screwed around, can't they?
38. All you gotta do is look for the signs.
37. There's a big difference between "walking casually" and "window shopping".
36. The key to blending in with the locals is directly linked to your choice in vehicles.
35. The majority of pharmaceuticals are for "squares".
34. What you think is bag of drugs may, if fact, just be a guys lunch.
33. You can't say anything bad about someone when they're dead.
32. Arriving home inconspicuously is best achieved by "looking like you just got back from church".
31. Crossroading is a viable way to outrun a hex.
30. The ants in the grass are just doing their thing.
29. 100 16Ths of Dilaudid should earn you an indulgence.
28. When you drive violently in front of a hospital in the Pacific Northwest, every single employee of the hospital comes out to watch.
27. Sherrif conventions were more common than Tupperware or undertaker conventions during the early 1970s.
26. If you're staring into a stranger's house during the night, be prepared to be shot in the balls.
25. Having a roommate who is sick with the mumps isn't enough of a reason to give you an extra day's stay in a roadside motel.
24. Mentioning dogs somehow makes every channel on the TV show dog-related programs.
23. Shooting drugs will make you see little cows float by right before your eyes.
share66. Booze, glue, gasoline, and gunshot wounds to the head can relieve the everyday pressure of having to tie your shoes.
47. Josephine is a better name for an apartment complex than Dale.
46. Always carry a calendar so you know when the hex ends.
Poorly Lived and Poorly Died, Poorly Buried and No One Criedshare
~cops get their one-liners and tough talk from reading Mickey Spillane.
~if you are in a pickup truck, no matter what you look like, people will think you're a couple of farm boys and prostitute out on a joyride
if kelly lynch has black hair you dont have to see patrick swayzees naked butt to oogle her
share17. Ball breaking cops like Gentry love Chinese food.
share16. Always carry a large garment bag in case you need to move a dead body without calling attention to yourself, especially in a parking lot full of cops.
15. Always share drugs with your elders
14. If your old man decides to go straight immediately glom on to his greasy haired protege
13. If your girlfriend OD' s wait for your mentor to go straight so you can glom on to his old lady
12. Crossroading removes hexes.
11. Security at hospitals like to watch crimes happen not do anything about it.
10. Orderlies naturally push hard on a door to open it.
-Nam
I am on the road less traveled...
9. Drugs travel by string from rooftops 8. Old woman can't sleep with sex maniacs around 7. Drugstores in the 70's left windows open at night. 6. People like Bob kick alone in a holding tank if he can't score. 5. When you quit stealing and using, exes will just bring it to you.
share4. When "your own woman beat you out of your cut on a score" and then OD's, "she got what she deserves".
3. When one OD's they turn blue.