MovieChat Forums > A Cry for Help: The Tracey Thurman Story (1989) Discussion > Watch this movie BEFORE getting married!...

Watch this movie BEFORE getting married!!!

posted 12 years ago by [email protected]
4 replies | jump to latest

Whether you watched this movie or not, ask yourself these two questions: do you really WANT to get married, and WHY? If you want to marry someone, there's the risk that they may have hidden true colors, and right after you say "I do" at your wedding, you may be releasing those "colors." Think about it! Getting married can, and most likely will, change your life either for the best or the worst. If he hits you before or after you get married to him, that is the very first red flag. Because if he hits you now, I can guarantee he's going to hit you again - later! Tracey should have thought of this LONG before she married that bastard. Just why the hell would you want to be married to someone like that?!?!????? If you want my advice, stay with someone on a relationship level and not on a marriage level. Because boyfriend/girlfriend and husband/wife are WORLDS apart from each other. If he's abusive, you can simply leave him and not have to go through all the messy process and hassles of divorce.
If your relationship is going well, you can still be together and not be married. Unless you just like wearing a diamond ring on your finger.

[–] emncaity 11 years ago

Great subject heading, not so good with the message.

Maybe you're not so aware of people who feel the "ownership" thing just as much without the ring as with it, or who have committed horrific acts of domestic violence without the benefit of marriage.

I would say the real warning from this film is to be as careful as you can be to know everything you can for as long as you can before getting committed, whether in or out of a marriage. Mainly, don't ignore the warning signs. If you don't know what they are, check with people who do know (or post me back and I'll point you in the right direction). There's a reason why security experts like Gavin deBecker will tell you that worrying about stranger violence is mostly wasted time -- that if you're a woman, you're far more likely to be hurt, sexually assaulted, and/or killed by a boyfriend or husband.

Also it doesn't go just one way, gender-wise, despite popular impression. Many university studies have confirmed the fact that DV incidents are initiated at least as often by women as by men (some studies say _more_ often), although the damage inflicted by men is greater on the average. But there are plenty of incidents of "partner" assault and murder with women as perpetrators.

[–] KaileyLady 11 years ago

I think it's good that this film shows people there are laws that can ruin one's life simply because they got married. Marriage is far too much of an obsession for most people. A lot of people who hear me say how bad marriage is tend to think I just "don't believe in relationships" or "love" or any of that. Actually, it's because I have personal experience with this sort of thing and it's absolutely frightening what people can get away with just because the law is so focused on making sure children have two parents -- even if one is a danger. Yes, a judge actually told my mom that. The idea of getting married, to me, is not scary because I can't commit, but because most people who get married are never told what they are giving away, legally, by "tying the knot." Most people think that the emotional part of marriage actually means something to the law, but guess what? It doesn't. Marriage is not emotional; the relationship is emotional. Marriage is legal and that's it, folks!

[–] emncaity 11 years ago

Lots of wisdom in what you're saying.

I mean, it depends on the motivation. People get married for all kinds of different reasons. Some actually do marry to make a public declaration of the private commitment that comes from real love. Some do it because of money or children. Some do it to have a permament and reliable source of sex (or they think so, anyway). Some do it because they want to put a claim on somebody (for one or more of these reasons) and consider it ownership. And any reason that doesn't have to do with committed love can masquerade as committed love, because although people think they can read the motivations of others and tell when they're lying, research shows consistently that by and large, they can't.

It's also true that people get married too often because it's the thing to do, it's time, there are unconscious or unrealized pressures (time, family, whatever), and really have no idea what they've just stepped in.

So yeah...it's a pretty dense minefield out there. The question isn't why more marriages don't "make it" or result in real happiness, but why any ever make it at all. I suspect a lot of that is because too many people marry -- or really, get into a relationship at all -- because they "need" something, because they see somebody else as filling in the gaps or making up for their shortcomings. (Listen to how the talk goes sometimes: "Gosh, I can't balance a checkbook to save my life. Thank God I have ______.") Too many people think of marriage as something that delivers happiness and completeness, as if marriage itself could be the cause of it rather than (at its best) a legal recognition of happiness and completeness.

[–] eliz7212-1 8 years ago

I agree with you. I only have one more suggestion. Before a woman is even considering living, or marrying a man, make sure you know how he behaves when he is ANGRY, MAD, LIVID.

That will tell you all you need to know. If he is mad at your, takes a swing and then looks you in the eye and says 'See what you made me do?" Get out.

If he is mad at your for some stupid thing, slaps you and says 'I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to do that". LEAVE, because he has no control over his behavior.

In short. They don't get a second chance. Because if you give them one, you won't have a life worth living.

There is a John Ritter movie (based on fact) about a man who severely beat his wife, got divorced, met another woman, beat the crap out of her, and the only condition he had to meet was attend an anger management program where he joined a bunch of guys who beat up on their women. This man got so good at controlling his anger, he became a counselor and then ran some kind of pastoral counseling program. The stupid ex wife, seeing at how he changed, re-married him.

That I WOULD NEVER DO. But she did. Can't remember the name of this move. Everyone should watch this movie. The late John Ritter gave a great performance.