Wow. Wow. I mean....wow.

This has to be the strangest movie i've ever seen. At first the strangeness comes from the first half, which is basically a typical cheesy 80's flick with bad acting and bad music placed badly, making the whole thing feel awkward. That's just the general strangeness of 80's flicks. But then, in the second half of the movie, things started happening that progressively made me laugh in incredulity and amusement. It all began with Culkin's character talking about the worms at his grandma's funeral that will be burrowing through her flesh within months, no doubt. This, along with the taunting of Spacey's character, obviously traumatizes young Culkin. Understandable, but grandpa is still alive, and he can still make the best of the time he has left.

But then it gets weird and disturbing. Flash forward to the group of kids coming up to grandpa's room because Culkin has magically gained psychotic...I mean psychic (but we'll see how psychotic he is later) powers and knows something is wrong with grandpa. They find gramps unconscious on the bed and decide to test for death by first placing a set of headphones on his head and turning some music up to full blast. When he doesn't wake up they get a glass of water and throw it on his face. When that doesn't work they get a stick and shove it up grampa's anus. Finally they feel his pulse, and when there is no pulse they decide he's dead. Great. So now, being the normal, well-adjusted, conscious kids they are, they should do something normal like run to tell an adult or cry or something. What really happens is one kid says "poor grandpa" and another says "no worms", whereafter they concoct a plan to transport grandpa's dead body out of the house, put it on a boat, and light it on fire with a flame arrow after it's out to sea. They even manage to trick an adult who almost came in to discover gramps dead leave and go back downstairs.

By this time if you're not wondering what psycho ward these kids came from, you're probably sitting in a psycho ward yourself. They wrap up grampses dead body in something, cart it down the stairs, bump his head against all the walls, and put him in a van they steal from Niles Crane. A 10-year-old kid drives this van to the ocean, all the while the rest of the little freaks are in the back sitting around grandpas dead body and chanting "no worms" over and over and over. They pass by a police officer who is eating on the side of the road, but the officer seems to see nothing wrong with a van driven by a small child passing in front of him, as long as it's doing under the speed limit. Later the adults, on their way to stop their psycho kids, speed by the cop, and of course he then gives chase. Anyway, the kids get the body to the boat, put it on, and cast it off. The same kid who had magically gained the ability to drive not five minutes prior has now become a master archer, and hits the boat at 300 paces in three shots with his fire arrow. The boat goes up in a blaze and takes at least six hours to burn down while the parents go from frantically trying to stop their psycho kids to resigning and sitting down beside thier mad children to watch grampy burn. The kids don't get punished or told that messing with dead bodies, especially the dead bodies of relatives, isn't a smart thing to do. That cheesy music just plays one last time and the credits roll. The moral of this story? If you're going to steal your dead grandpa, put him in a boat, and light him on fire from afar, make sure you're quick enough to pull it off before your parents can stop you.

So to recap, the first half was expected, but the second half just got strangely weirdly disturbing.