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I'm surprised we haven't started debating the subject matter of this film.

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[deleted]

Okay, I'll take it on. However, I doubt that mine will be a popular view! My main problem with the tale isn't so much the fact that Leo foolishly allows Molly to touch his penis when she curiously & innocently asks permission (he was naive here...must never have heard of child abuse cases or vindictive ex-husbands...but intended no harm) or that Anna & Leo are having sex in the same bed with Molly sleeping (totally inappropriate of course, but then this unmarried pair shouldn't be having sex anyway). I warned you I wouldn't be popular!

My main problem is with the overall 'Me first' philosophy that pervades society today. Heaven forbid that Anna should ever contemplate making sacrifices in her personal life for the sake of her daughter. Her newfound sexual discovery with Leo is entitled to be of equal importance as her child. Sorry, I disagree. Also, child abuse with step fathers and live in lovers is all too common. Leo is very kind to Molly and fortunately, nothing at all amiss really happens, but Anna is a little too trusting of her new lover too quickly. I didn't get the impression that Anna has known Leo all that long before he is left alone in her home with Molly. If more mothers were a little less trusting of their new boyfriends AND PUT THEIR CHILD'S INTERESTS FIRST (before their sex life), then there might be considerably less child abuse going on.

So I hate to say it and it's heart wrenching when Anna loses custody of Molly, but I don't really think in some respects she is a 'good mother'. Of course this is the opposite message the film's producers are trying to convey. They want you to see her & her misunderstood lover as the tragic victims of injustice. Don't hate me too bad, but I can't help it...it's what I think.

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You are correct roghache. This movie is one that i regret watching.

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Glad you agree. It's all so sexually liberated and modern, I was afraid I might be the only middle aged, old fashioned, uptight individual with these archaic views. I really like Liam Neeson, and am a tremendous Spock fan, but wondered after watching this if Leonard Nimoy might better have been content to remain on the Enterprise bridge in Star Trek.

Parents and other adults should always err on the side of protecting the safety of children, who unfortunately have little ability to defend themselves from predators, especially 'live in' ones.

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I just watched this for the first time. Although I'm a fan of the all the actors and Nimoy as well, I'd never seen it before.

I didn't have the feeling that the film was "sexually liberated" at all though. I think it kind of raised questions about everyone's actions and no one came across to me as all right or all wrong.some examples; I think Leo was incredibly naive to let Molly touch him. I think Anna was overwhelmed after a lifetime of suppression when she discovered her sexuality through being with Leo-- and lost perspective. I believe prior to that she was indeed the prototype of the good mother in the way she put aside a career to make her daughter the main focus in her life. I believe as portrayed in the film she was sincere but naive and made some serious mistakes. I think her intentions were sincere, I think this opening for her seemed so right that she saw the beauty in being so alive and open-- but went too far. I think to that Dunlop is also an imperfect character in that he never addressed his growing concerns with Anna when he saw the remnants of a man staying there. And then the fact that they seemed to have a good relationship, he should have talked with Anna first before confronting her with the court case. I'm not trying to paint him as bad. Had I been him, I'd have been incensed.

But I don't think Nimoy meant us to hate one side or the other. I think he took a brave stance in leaving things a bit ambiguous and allowing the audience to make their own decisions as you rightly have Roghache and as everyone else does. I think the reaction here of the small group that has written in was indeed to stir thoughts and discussion about a very difficult and often taboo subject. No easy task, not a popular one, but a worthwhile effort.

Although quite divergent in pov, I think most of the posts here (except where people are nasty or try to label others) are quite valid even if as you say we don't agree with one another. .

As for your last comment, I couldn't agree more. Adults should always err on the side of protecting their children.

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[deleted]

Child abuse has probably occurred for millennia and there is evidence that in the 20th century, it occurred at a particularly high rate in 1970’s decade. As those victims found their voices in later years, and as the true degree of the damage inflicted was collectively realized, the collective consciousness developed a “vaccine” in the form of fear, paranoia, suspicion, guilt, and self-isolation, and it is this monster vaccine that this story tackles.

I have seen fear and paranoia take a firmer and firmer grip on society in my lifetime and I find it truly distressing that coaches, teachers, and scout leaders have to be afraid to give a child a hug. I believe children need healthy well-intentioned hugs and strokes, and to deprive them of that denotes child abuse just as certainly as abusive touches.

A healthy childhood involves taking risks and being on one’s own at times. The cost is that some children will be hurt and killed. To protect ALL children from ANY harm EVER would be to destroy childhood. Not worth it.

I think Anna would have defined her relationship with Leo as much more substantial than “great sex” - - it seemed to cause a holistic personal revolution for her. She came alive on so many levels, and yes maybe she was a little giddy with the discovery and maybe her judgment was a little clouded, but I think you’re being awfully hard on her. Regardless of appearances and risks taken, SHE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG. NEITHER DID LEO.

Roghache you seem to think that when a mother takes care of herself and her needs she is necessarily sacrificing her child. But aren’t they BOTH benefiting when the mother grows and comes alive? In order for a child to be happy, sane, and well adjusted, shouldn’t they have a happy sane well adjusted mommy?

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I knew I'd take some flak over this, but hope we can all disagree without being disagreeable! I don't mean to judge readers, so please don't anyone consider it personal criticism. It's fine if a mother has a loving relationship and fulfillment beyond her children. However, though I may be too harsh, I believe that Anna (though sympathetic) did indeed do something wrong by putting her blossoming new relationship with Leo ahead of her daughter, rather than making a conscious effort to avoid doing so. New love can be all consuming and it's easy to be emotionally *somewhere else*, at least during the early dewy eyed stages!

Unfortunately, modern society disparages self sacrifice, frequently the road to genuine happiness, and extols instead self gratification (self fulfillment, it's called), often the path to ultimate regret. Of course it might sound reasonable that children will be happier if their mother is herself happy, but this is simply an argument Anna might use to justify self serving behaviour that is definitely NOT in her child's interests.

Admittedly, Anna's relationship seems more than just great sex - she truly seems to care for Leo and vice versa. However, much is made in the movie, or so I recall (it's been awhile), of her glorious sexual awakening, sex with her husband having apparently been unfulfilling. So, the screenwriters themselves are going out of their way to focus on the great sex.

Anna and Leo DID do something wrong, or at best ill advised, in having sex while Molly was in the same bed with them. Leo is a sympathetic character, not malicious and intending no harm. He was simply foolish in allowing Molly to touch his penis, as she requested from curiosity. We all make mistakes, and his unfortunately proved costly for himself, Anna, and Molly.

I am dead right about child abuse from live in lovers or stepfathers being not uncommon. Of course there are wonderful, loving step people who contribute very positively to children's lives, and it's a tragedy when suspicion is placed upon the innocent (like Leo) because others have been guilty. But mothers, beware, there is legitimate reason for caution. Child molestation is admittedly nothing new, but this particular problem is definitely more prevelant today because in bygone years, step parenting and living in were much less common.

However, I do agree with you that our society has become totally paranoid and sometimes instills unnecessary fear into children. Indeed, you can't protect them from everything; there are risks out there. I personally think it's horrendous to tell a child never to SPEAK to strangers. What purpose is served by that? You're also right about affectionate, supportive, and beneficial hugs from teachers, coaches, and scout leaders. I've heard a local clergyman remark that he feels compelled never to be alone with a child, lest suspicion arise or accusations be made. How very sad. What on earth have we come to?

I suppose something can be said for Leonard Nimoy's movie if it promotes good faith debate about these various issues. [And I love your name, jandybanandy]

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Me too, it's cute.

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Did anyone notice when she is talking withRalph Bellamy Diane uncrosses her legs in her skirt. We get a good upskirt we see her Panties but i think it is a hot scene

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[deleted]

I completely disagree with your assessment. You sound like a Republican. Yes, she made a bad choice in continuing to make love with her boyfriend when Molly came in the room. She probably shouldn't have even let her sleep in the bed with both of them. She should have asked him to go to the couch if her daughter had to sleep with her at that point. But the beauty of films is that you can actually see the full situation and the humanity of a person that a witness in a jury box can never see. It doesn't surprise me that she lost custody of the child (even though there was no jury...just the judge in a hearing). But I don't think she was a bad mother. Her boyfriend did make a VERY unusual choice in letting her touch his penis, and I would have stopped seeing him if I were in Diane Keaton's shoes. But she found out too late, of course. I think once she did find out, she did basically stop seeing him, and was extremely conflicted. I don't think she put her needs before her child's in any way, shape or form. Her conversation with the psychologist, and his assessment on the witness stand as an expert witness, validated that. He said that by removing the child from this one very stable, powerful, loving relationship, that of her and her mother, would be detrimental to her. But the judge ruled in favor of the father anyway.

I loved this film, and thought it was beautiful. The world is almost never black and white, but a lot of people see it that way, as does the OP.

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The film is a curates egg and did badly in the box office. The subject matter put people off and the Keaton character came across as naive and lacking in concern about her daughter.


Its that man again!!

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Excellent choice of words. As absurd as it seems that a woman would keep a man who lets her child touch his penis, whatever the excuse, much worse happens every day, up to and including women who stand by their man even after he kills her child. I wonder if it was so unpopular because the woman was supposedly an educated person who would ideally know better.

________________________________________Isn't it pretty to think so?

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Any grown man that lets a child touch his penis is way out of the box no matter what the reason. he was the adult and she wa the child, and he should have explained to her that touching him was inappropriate under any conditions I don't blame the father i would have done it too.

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First let me say i have not seen this movie. I came to the site having read an interview with Nimoy, who will be 80 soon, being asked what work did he wish had more recognition by critics or the public. He said The Good Mother, so I came to see what the movie was about. I always try to read the comments as well.
I have been a psych nurse for a long time, and I think some of the questions addressed here need to be looked at from a slightly different angle. First off, the sex in the same bed as the child is not a great idea. That being said, children being in the same room as parents having sex has been the norm for much of humanity when we lived in 1 room huts all the way up to 1 room log cabins here in the US, or in the rest of the world now, such as yurts in Mongolia etc. Sex in context in a culture is not harmful. The same goes for nudity, and depends more on cultural expectations than anything else. I've never heard that naturists have a higher incidence of sexual problems or abuse of any sort than clothed folks. Again, in some families casual in house nudity is no big deal, in some it is.
Those two things being said I agree with lamont-harden- The guy should have known better. Yes, 5 year olds are curious, and no, seeing his penis will not cause her undue harm-again in context- but no touching. It would not have been a good thing even if she was his natural daughter, unless mom was right there to supervise. And he should have been more careful about being seen, as she is not his daughter. You answer questions as best can be understood by the child at the time about sex, sex organs, etc. No need to go into great detail, but tailor your answers to fit the child's understanding. People go into fits if they find their 5 year olds "playing doctor" i.e. expressing sexual curiosity. If that is all it is, then don't get excited. Again, use judgement and common sense.
THE BIG 800 pound Gorilla in the room is that sexual abuse is just as likely if not more likely to be perpetrated by the child's own father or other male relative as by a step parent or boyfriend.
The movie sounds like it addresses some very important issues, and maybe sometime I will get to see it.
People should not fear their governments.Governments should fear their people.

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I haven't seen the whole film,it is on now.

It is also insulting that an Irish person wouldn't know better in 1988 that grown men don't let children touch their penis.

Did they make the character foreign to somewhat remove the "child molester" stigma?

Like dumb foreigners don't know any better?

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I agree I wouldn't let my children touch a body part and I breast fed all of my kids so I am not a prude. My husband would never let our kids touch his penis, so what would make a man who is not the father do that. The bath scene bothered me too, I felt that was inappropriate. My husband and I have had sex when the kids had fallen asleep in the bed but they were really young. I too felt that this relationship went way too fast, and she was more concerned with being told that she was wrong.

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She did seem very defensive when she felt people were judging her, even when, as with the attorney and the psychologist, their questioning was very open-ended. I suspect she was judging herself also, and knew that she had made mistakes. It appears she was so desperate for a man after her divorce that she would compromise her standards – which were already influenced by her aunt and probably her parents, who are curious by their absence here.

The scenes in the bathroom and bedroom made me cringe, but that's the point of this film. Seemingly innocent gestures can be misinterpreted, especially when child custody is an issue.

This movie is quite unpleasant, but it's also very important and undeserving of its obscurity and low rating here, in my opinion. 8/10 stars.

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I think Anna could have avoided a lot of problems by only having date nights with Leo when Molly was with her dad; perhaps she also could have left the child with a trusted baby-sitter once in a while. Of course as a divorced woman she still has a right to a love life, and it would have been hard to resist a man like Leo. Yet having her in bed with them and around when Leo was showering just opened the door for trouble--though I truly believe that no one in the situation meant any harm.
Feminism is the "radical belief" that women are people, and should be paid and treated equally.

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Very good point about Anna sending Molly to her father during date nights. It also probably wasn't the best idea for Molly to be alone in the apartment with a man her mother barely knows. Of course, hindsight is 20/20 in a case like this.

Certainly the intentions of all the adults here were honorable – though I think Leo exercised very poor judgement. The fact that Anna was sharing custody of Molly with her ex-husband meant that she had to be on guard a lot more than a typical divorced woman. Appearances matter greatly when the child is shuttling between parents.

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Yes I definitely agree--both Leo and Anna should have put more thought into the situation and shown more caution.

Feminism is the "radical belief" that women are people, and should be paid and treated equally.

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