MovieChat Forums > Clean and Sober (1988) Discussion > Hold off on those relationships

Hold off on those relationships


I think that AA recommends newbies don't start romantic relationships for the first year of sobriety. I'm not sure if that's SOP, but watching this, it seems like good advice. Initially he invested a ton of energy into "saving" her as a way to avoid facing up to the mess he was in at work. Then he kept turning to her when he was feeling desperate and she could barely keep her own head above water. It was frustrating and made me kind of mad. I kept thinking, "Go lean on your SPONSOR, not this poor little fragile bird with two broken wings." Too bad she didn't have a sponsor like M. Emmett.

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I've just watched this again for maybe the 4th time. I think it's a great movie. I had close relatives who were clean and sober for over 25 years. I think he still had that idea that he could make her change, he could help her. You're right; he would have better off working on himself. I think that's one of the hardest lessons in life: that you can't change other people - you can only change yourself.

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I like how it showed that Daryl thought he was heaven's gift to women, and that his hustling nature made it all the more believable, drugs or no drugs. But it also showed how he, as the main character, had to overcome all the obstacles to realizing and admitting that he was an addict. As one poster indicated, he thought if he could save Charlie, it would boost his ego. Maybe he also thought that it would compensate for the wrong he had done both at work and with the girl he was with that died. Notice how the story arc with the dead girl did not appear to be fully resolved. He also felt that he could put Lennie in his place when he told her that Lennie would have to deal with him (Daryl) and not her if she moved in with Daryl. Charlie was used to dysfunctional relationships and truly believed she did not deserve any better. Daryl was trying to fill a void of loneliness with both drugs and then Charlie. He had to learn the hard way ultimately, and that would be the true test of his battle to stay clean and sober.

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Good stuff, Studioart81! It is suggested that you don't do anything "major" for a year into new recovery (relationships, relocation, job, etc) as any potential failure could set you up for another drink. While it makes sense, it's not always plausible. The other end is that you're suppose to focus more inward and get to the bottle of why you started in the first place.

It was telling when Daryl tried to find the most attractive person as his sponsor, only to strike out. Charlie practically had to hammer it to forehead that she was interested. Like many addicts (myself included) we miss the big picture being hung up on the details.

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