Arthur's best quotes in Part 2

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I already posted this somewhere else on here, but it was so funny it deserves an encore!

Arthur: “Where’s Mrs. Bach? Is she…”
Fairchild: “Madam awoke early. She had some phone calls to make.”
Arthur: “Ah. Ah, well in that case, put on one of her nightgowns and come in here, would you?”
Fairchild: “Sir?”
Arthur: “Oh, come on, Fairchild. I know you want it. I’ve seen the way you look at me.”
(Fairchild heads toward closet.)
Arthur: “Hey! Fairchild, I’m kidding! I’m kidding. God, it’s the truth. Don’t they ever kid each other on your planet?”

Just reading this one isn't anywhere near as funny as actually watching the scene. I find it quite hilarious that he can be so drunk that not even losing his $750 million fortune can take the fun out of Arthur!

(Arthur has just gotten back from talking with Burt Johnson, where he was informed he had lost all of his $750 million unless he divorces Linda and marries Susan.)
Arthur: "Hello. Hi, honey. We're poor! We're white trash, Linda! Linda, we're bankrupt! Linda, there's a bleak fiscal outlook. Linda? Linda! Oh, Greta. Greta, have you seen my wife… destitute woman about this tall."



"Is Susan Johnson in? I've come to marry the bitch." ~Dudley Moore as Arthur Bach

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Arthur-"Why are you doing this"?
Burt Johnson-"Because you did't marry Susan"!
Arthur-"Lots of people didn't marry her, <Arthur looking at one of Burt's crew members> that guy didn't even take her out...Lets take him down an beat the sh*t outta him"!


Here's to those who wish me well...

Hobson (to a drunken Arthur): If projectile vomiting ever became an Olympic event; you'd do your country proud.

Arthur(after the landlord of their new,run down apartment reveals that the special feature IOL he's been raving about is Instant On Lighting..meaning the lights turn on when you hit the switch) ): "IOL! (hits the light switch up and down a few times). He's not kidding...Look,there's virtually no delay!"

and (in deference to the same apartment: "Some paint, a few curtains..and this place could be a real s**thole."



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"A man does not refer to Pat Boone as a misunderstood genius if everything is okay."

Arthur's reaction to Linda telling him she can't have kids -

"Well, at least we don't have to have sex anymore"