Incredible, completely crazy noir

Despite the problems with this picture, primarily Mailer's inexperienced, over-the-top direction and a plot as convoluted as The Big Sleep, this is a mesmerizing cinematic experience for lovers of offbeat films noir.

What a crazy film! This assuredly deserves to be re-discovered by a new generation of hipsters who might appreciate the detached, satirical irony that informs every frame of this wild movie. Tough Guys Don't Dance was years ahead of its time; the late 1980s was a period of such ludicrous self-absorption that I doubt if people even understood what was being parodied in this picture. They need only look in the mirror to find out.

Ryan O'Neal and Issabella Rossellini are perfect. Loopy, bug-eyed Wings Hauser steals his every scene as the corrupt chief of police who wants to get off at least two nuts a day (and doesn't feel quite right until he pops that second orgasm du jour, or so he says).

And Debra Sandland (as the incredible Patty Lariene) gets off one of the most jaw-dropping lines in modern cinematic history. In a drawling, Georgia-peach accent, as she leers lustily at Ryan O'Neal, the woman bats her eyes and reveals to him:

"Ah used ta have golden-blonde pussy hair until Ah scorched it with tha football team."



Hoo-wee. Damn. Shazam. Tell us about it, Patty.

And who could forget the late, lamented Laurence Tierney's menacing growl..."we gotta deep-six the heads."

Yes, Tough Guys Don't Dance is some sort of insane classic. Check it out.

So sez...

~ The Cinematic Minstrel.