MovieChat Forums > The Time Guardian (1987) Discussion > Aargh...

Aargh...

posted 19 years ago by Killraven
11 replies | jump to latest

Earlier today, when I was down at the local Civic Video, I was truly stunned to discover that The Time Guardian was on DVD.

I hadn't seen it - but I remember when it was released way back in 1987, and I especially remember it dying a very quick death. From memory, it was dismissed by Aussie critics and the public alike as an obvious Star Wars cash-in - and one that was several years too late, at that. As well, being Australian made it look even more embarrassing.

Therefore, I was surprised to see that someone had taken the trouble to release it on DVD.

Intrigued, I rented it along with a few other weeklies...and now, I'm even more surprised that Umbrella Entertainment had taken the trouble to release it on DVD, because The Time Guardian is a colossal turd.

I couldn't even finish watching it. There was too much in it that was too crappy to even enjoy on a "good bad movie" level:
* atrocious acting (especially from The Man From Snowy River himself, Tom Burlinson)
* atrocious dialogue
* lame action scenes
* hilariously-awful production values (it seemed like The Time Guardian was ripping off those Italian turkeys like Star Crash that ripped off Star Wars)
* a muddled premise that swiped from several sources (and badly)
* last but certainly not least, that cringe-inducing Australian self-consciousness that has blighted many other films made in this country, where Australians try to look and sound too bloody Aw-STRAY-lian and instead look and sound like bad impersonations of Australians

Aargh...

About the only good things in The Time Guardian were:
* the bleached-blonde '80s cuteness of female lead Nikki Coghill
* Carrie Fisher, who was the only one doing any real acting
* the skintight silver top that Carrie wore in a couple of scenes, that at first I thought had been painted on (seriously); quite frankly, her tits looked great in it

[–] peewee_zz 17 years ago

Obviously you rented this movie becase you'd seen everything in the adult section.

Yeah obviously there are boob scenes, but I'm not quite sure your opinion matters when you're so fixated on it. For you I recommend Monsters Ball or Thighs(eyes) Wide Shut.

---
Babies:
Fun to make
Even more fun to eat

[–] john-1952 16 years ago

Many yeasr ago I used to share an odd drink or two with Tom Burlinson but sorry Tom, I'm afraid that in this one you were either poorly directed or else it was a wise move to leave acting for Frank Sinatra singing, which you are very good at.

Certainly Nikki Coghill is yummy but even thats not enough to save this movie, which is currently getting a run on Foxtel cable in Sydney. Bluntly, this is a movie to be avoided for anything but a bit of a laugh.

[–] spike06 15 years ago

One quick note, the film may absolutely suck, but the trailer looks half way decent. I was almost tempted to buy this until reading the turkey alarms here. Seriously, check it out on YouTube!

[–] unkleduke 15 years ago

I loved this movie as a kid and recently saw it again on video - two decades after I first watched and agree it's almost unwatchable.

For years the National Film and Sound Archive in Canberra had one of the original life-sized Jen-Diki (the bad guys) in the foyer. Unlike the film, it was very very cool (and quite scary too!).

I am the Night Rider......i'm a fuel injected suicide machine

[–] manonpipes 14 years ago

I caught that this films is to be broadcast late today on a new additional digital channel that shows only old films & TV shows. I appreciate reading the 'turkey warning' here -- because I love bad film. I'll have to see if this is worse than Hard Rock Zombies -- so far, in my book of bad films I've viewed, that one takes the moldy cake. I'm looking forward to it!
(/chuckles heartily @ self)

[–] mateczl 14 years ago

Battlestar Galactica rather than on Star Wars. Come on humans create robots. Robots make war on humans and the end result is Cyborgs which were the true villians of this film.

[–] whipthedog 12 years ago

One thing that is obvious when watching things from the 80's, is that the Australian accent has mellowed enormously. 50 years of predominately American TV and movies had to have some effect on our dialect.
I watch Australian films without expecting to see them as American films on a tight budget. If I want to see American production and effects, I will watch an American film.
The Time Guardian is probably not near the top of my favourite aussie films, but it is still good fun to watch.

Just realised that not only are we overwhelmed by American movies,TV and music, but the bloody spell check insists that I write American English as well.

[–] WarpedRecord 11 years ago

You are very right about the Australian accent mellowing over the decades, and this film is proof of that.

I can't say I loved this movie, but it was a pleasant enough time-killer nonetheless. I'll give it 5/10 for now and reserve the right to upgrade if I watch it again.

[–] Lunchbox-3 9 years ago

Given the year of release I would assume the most recent movie they were ripping off was not Star Wars or Battlestar Galactica but The Terminator.

[–] Woodyanders 11 years ago

I thought this film was a whole lot of goofy fun.

I'm a totally bitchin' bio writer from Mars!

[–] rateater (9236) 2 years ago

fisher looked nice in that outfit