Women: would you forgive him?

[deleted]

My father had a friend that cheated on his wife, once on a business trip. They were having trouble in their marriage and he got drunk and fell into bed with a woman for a few days. He confessed to my dad about a month later and asked him if he thought he should confess. My dad told him he thought he should. The man confessed to his wife. They had been married ten years; I was about two-years-old. The woman decided to forgive him and take him back. This guy died last year, he'd been ill for some time. My dad went to see him about two weeks before he died and they talked about that incident for the first time since it happened. He thanked my dad for urging him to confess. He never cheated again, and they remained married until his death (an additional 45 years). So, your conclusion that "once a cheat, always a cheat" is wrong. Some people make a mistake and never make that mistake again. I will concede though, that most of the time, you are right. Most of the time, if a guy cheats once, he'll cheat again, but not always.

I have a friend right now that has been married for about three years. Her husband has been sexting with two different women. He's been doing it for some time, maybe the entire time they've been married. She forgot her phone and was using his to text a friend and saw some of the texts. She's asked me if I think she should stay, and if I think he's done more. I was really in a spot, because I feel he will definitely do it again and will probably end up doing more, but I told her that I was uncomfortable speculating, because that's all I'd be doing, speculating. He isn't really repentant and tries to blame it on her for various reasons. If a guy begins cheating after only being married a year or so, it seems to me the prognosis is pretty dim, particularly when he refuses to take any responsibility for his actions. He has no record of fidelity to show he can be faithful. This friend of my dad's had been married ten years before he cheated, and then it was only a weekend thing that he immediately ended and confessed. It seems wiser to take it on a case-by-case basis, because one guy may continue cheating, while another guy may never do that again. I think if the guy is honest and repentant and willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild trust, or if it's the other way around... if it's the woman that cheats and she is honest and repentant and willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild trust, then the marriage deserves another chance. Of course, it's up to the aggrieved party to decide, but I've seen marriages where people did forgive and stayed married that went on have a healthy, lasting marriage.


"...nothing is left of me, each time I see her..." - Catullus

How exactly was Claire "innocent"? She willingly and knowingly had an affair with a married man. She willingly and knowingly helped to breakup a family and never really showed any guilt or remorse for it. Yes she was innocent in the crime part of the story but in the romance part she was very much complicit. Claire was a homewrecker plain and simple, it was Ellie who was innocent. She did nothing to deserve what happened, she and Michael were shown to have a good and loving marriage before Claire entered the picture and started trying to change Michael and he fell for it. Ellie (and Tommy) was innocent not Claire.