Have you been reading my diary?

Hello foxystoat!

The way I see it, (which is a view shared by some scholars and biographers) is this:

Joe didn't mean to be cruel - he was more of a self-indulgent hedonist than anything else.
Their sex life had dwindled and died long ago, and they lived together out of a rather dysfunctional need of each other, in their presence rather than for sex.
He said himself that he would never leave Kenneth - he really did love him in his way and recognised the fact that, when it boiled down to it, they needed each other.
Kenneth had his share of lovers as well - neither was "faithful" in the traditional sense of the word, sexually speaking.
It has been recorded that for some reason they physically couldn't have sex - due to problems between the two of them on emotional levels.
When living with someone with severe mental health problems (as I have experienced) you need to find release from the incredible strain you are put under. It does not mean you love them any less, but the pain of seeing someone you love dearly suffer in such an awful way leads you to escape somehow. Joe needed affection which he wasn't getting at home.
For all his patience and love, he was - very understandably - frustrated, troubled and somewhat angry. It is no wonder that this tragically sad relationship ended in the way it did.
Kenneth felt threatened, ultimately - and he finally snapped. Joe probably didn't comprehend the magnitude of Kenneth's problems - but it is impossible to get inside someone's mind completely. The psychology is far too complex - especially inside such a mind as Kenneth's.

I think even Joe's family didn't bear a grudge too much - after the two men died and were cremated, their ashes were mixed together. That really did happen, not just for the film. I also think that they should not be judged too harshly for the way they lived their lives - theirs is a terrible story, with a love that ultimately destroyed both of them.

The diaries are in print - I have had to buy them three times because I read them until they each fall apart!
If you get a copy (it really is well worth it!) then I think you will see what I mean. I think the frustration was the main point at fault; Joe could be self-centred but he was not a cruel man and he didn't mean to hurt Kenneth. It was only really at the end of their lives when Joe began to grasp the vast magnitude of Kenneth's depression. But by then, tragically for them both, it was too late.

Hope this provides some interesting insights for you!

Est x

P.S. If you know London at all, pop up to Angel in Islington. Joe and Kenneth lived close to the Tube station (situated on the Northern Line). The house is still in existence, unchanged since they died there in 1967 and is still being lived in! It is quite easy to find; I went there recently to pay my respects and got some rather nice pictures of the house, with me leaning against the front door. Joe is also commemorated there with an "Historic House" green plaque screwed to the wall, outside the top flat. It was a rather moving experience.

Address is 25 Noel Road, Islington, London, N1.

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(¸.·´ (¸.·´ You have used 3 inches of Sticky Tape. God Bless You!