9. The leader of a small band of psychopathic nutjobs barely able to find shelter at daybreak on a regular basis, tape tinfoil to a window, or feed properly without bringing the cops right to their temporary door somehow managed to subsist for more than a century before a single reluctant newbie and his loving family managed to peeve him so badly that he threw all caution to the wind and blew himself and his girl up in a dawning blaze of glory.
10. And over the course of a century of barely making it to shelter before dawn, and despite major advances in reflective materials and fabrics (even in '87), it will not have dawned upon any of the nutjobs to find a better means of sun protection than spray-painting part of a car window, tacking lacking quantities of tinfoil to part of a car window, and wearing blankets.
11. Apparently the novel approach of transfusing blood to cure a vampiric
infection also works when there is no donor from whom to transfuse.
12. Jack-knifing a semi is a sure-fire means of making the whole thing explode like cemtex.
13. After you have just narrowly escaped from a band of psychopathic nutjob vampires who know where you live, when you get home, don't take any precautions to keep an eye on the most vulnerable, least equipped member of the family because she is sure to be juuust fine sleeping alone upstairs at the time the nutjob vampires are most likely to be active.
14. Despite the leverage it might've provided in the attempt to bring Caleb back into the darkened folds, once they have his sister, for reasons beyond me, it will make more sense to not immediately infect her. Instead, wait until the sun is rising (again), blankets are futile (again), and there is no place to camp out for the day in sight (again) to struggle with the tiny girl and get overpowered by that damned flashlight.
15. Apparently slitting the throats of pretty waitress and bleeding her out into a beer glass is common enough in sh!t-kicker territory to barely get a rise out of the patrons and barkeep.
"I like to watch" Chauncey Gardiner, 'Being There'
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Rupert__Pupkin
10 years ago
Fantastic job Vibradiant! Let me add a few more:
16. If you're trapped in a room with a bunch of blood-thirsty vampires and it's the middle of the night, just wait 30 seconds and then open the door. It will then be high noon and the vampires will burn up.
17. If little girls get thirsty in the middle of the night, it's standard procedure for them to walk outside to the nearest vending machine and buy a caffeinated beverage.
18. Sometimes when vampires seem like they want to kill you, really they just want to commit suicide for unknown reasons.
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maxrenn-934-602191
8 years ago
19.When someone tells you to act like your driving a truck, that means bounce up and down constantly.
20.Conversely vampires aren't affected by inertia.
21.Turning undead can be easily reversed via blood transfusion, but a cure for aids is still unknown.
22.Bill Paxton likes them apples.
23.When a homicidal vampire who has tried to kill you numerous times, sneaks up on you and knocks you down, be sure to accept his helping hand.
24.A horse will go nuts when a vampire walks into his pen, but can't tell when a vampire wearing spurs tries to sneak up on him.
25.When a vampire willingly lets you run a truck into him, don't think for a second that it won't kill him.
26.Truck engines are mad entirely out of cables.
27.Truck drivers can teach farm kids how to drive a truck in just 5 mins, but can't count to three.
28.When keeping a gun in a bar for safety, make sure it's locked away and unloaded.
29.Also, don't bother to take shooting lessons or learn how to load a gun.
30.After taking 5 mins to load your one shot weapon, always shoot the least threatening person in the bar first.
31.When letting your pussy vampire boyfriend drink your blood make sure there are two oil pumpjacks in the background.
32.When your vampire girlfriend tells you that you can kill her by drinking too much of her blood, just grin like an idiot.
33.Vampires never know when the sun will come up.
34.Vampires never shower and can't wear watches.
35.The South lost the war.
36.Vampires are safe from sunlight so long as they're wearing a letter jacket.
37.Crosses,garlic and holy water won't hurt vampires, but candy bars and public transport will.
38.In a billion years the light from a star will have reached Mae and she still won't have a personality.
39.When a girl is so desperate to get home before sundown that she's almost breaking down in tears, now is the time to feel her up.
40.Police can track down a band of killer vampires to the motel their staying in within hours, but can't track them down when they escape in a black smoking van with kitchen foil over it's windows.
41.Apparently the name Homer is very easy to mispronounce.
42.The only thing worse than being an old man trapped in a child's body is having to hear about.
43.An old man trapped in a child's body will still act like a child and be suprised when offered a smoke.
44.If you want to be the leader of a small band of vampires fake nails from a costume shop are mandatory.
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techbox14
7 years ago
19 and 38 OMG, lol
Love this movie....but some of these are good.
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PopperTheKungFu-Dragon
7 years ago
Ha ha. I liked the film but these are great points. Its amazing how stupid a hundred year old vampire could be. That's the thing that really brought down the movie, how stupid the vampires were.
Poorly Lived and Poorly Died, Poorly Buried and No One Cried
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