1. Barbie Dolls make for great weapons when killing demonic friends.
2. Shotguns don't work so well on monsters, but 80's cassette boomboxes do.
3. Throwing a Bible into a demonic hole (gate) in your garden is only a temporary solution to the problem.
4. Moths come back.
5. It doesn't have to be a person...it can be an animal.
6. Al is hot.
"Wait...what?"
7. Toy rockets can kill gargantuan demons.
8. Don't buy an album from a heavy metal band whose musicians are all dead.
9. According to Terry, finding a chrystal rock from Hell will only get you "a hundred bucks!"
10. The Lee sisters are hotter than Al.
11. In a time before the Earth, before the Sun, before the light of the stars...when all was darkness and chaos, the old Gods, the forgotten Gods ruled the darkness.
12. Demon Dads turn mushy if you squeeze them.
13. Stephen Dorff wasn't an angry #$&% when he was 12.
"Wait...what?"
14. If you fall to the floor in tears in front of a large, multi-armed demon, he will grab you by the hand, pat you on the head, and place an eye in the hand he held you by.
15. If you fall into the hole where demon lives, do not continue to read bible verses -- it only pisses them off.
16. After a rough night of fighting off demons, it is perfectly okay to go clean yourself up and catch a flick on television because, hey, you've earned it.
17. While watching said flick on television, if the body of a man you thought up crashes through the wall, feel free to go ahead and examine it.
18. Tiny killer demons from hell are kind of cute...
21. Hugging who you think is your Mom, only to discover it's a dead dog, is hilarious.
22. If you arrive to your house on your bike in bright daylight, walk through your house for 5 minutes, then go to your backyard and discover it's night outside...it must be a nightmare.
23. Being confined to your house, grounded by your Dad, can inadvertantly kick ass.
24. When your sister and best friend are human sacrifices sent to hell...they will come back.
25. Insulting demons is OK so long as you are trying to get rid of them.
26. Levitation probably isn't a very good idea and it'll make a little kid cry in front of his sister's cool friends.
27. Moths are tougher than they appear...they can shatter windows.
28. When you're in your room and suddenly a rotting, un-dead corpse appears, you don't scream but instead just give a few groans and try to maintain your cool as it takes your friend.
29. Demons are about the size of a lawn gnomes.
30. You can learn how to summon demons from hell and banish them all with the help of an album by a band called "Sacrifyx".
31. If you make an album about summoning and banishing demons you will probably die in a plane crash.
Ciao,
Peace & Love,
Jen
The brain doesn't need blood. It just needs to be kept wet.
32) Demon arms that pop out from under the bed like to rip the socks off the feet of pretty blonde teenage girls.
"We're all part Shatner/And part James Dean/Part Warren Oates/And Steven McQueen"
33. The Lee sisters are worse than demons.
34. Laughing too much can make your head fall off.
35. If you suck Stephen Dorff's nose hard enough, his head might cave in.
36. Killer Dwarfs is the best rockband name EVER!
37. When all hell is breaking loose in your backyard it, apparently, doesn't bother the surrounding neighborhood.
38. Terry just made it up.
"Hey, Earl...here's some swiss cheese and some bullets!" - Walter (Tremors)
39. The movie gives "hand/ eye" coordination a whole new meaning.
40. Forced perspective and stop-motion effects are better than CGI.
"What do ya think of that, Dr. Sexy?"
41. Thick-rimmed glasses are so Metal!
42. Calling someone a "fag" is mean. But if a young Stephen Dorff says it, it's twice as mean.
43. Old crystal rocks from hell can be broken into easily with a hammer and good ol' fashioned elbow grease.
44. Dont answer red telephones because they burst into flames and melt.
45. If your father grabs you by the head and tells you "you've been bad" its
more than likely to NOT be your father.
46. When your father grabs you by the head and tells you "you've been bad" your mom will think it's piss funny.
47. Barbie dolls make good stabbing weapons.
48. Terry barfed on Steve Slavitt after the 12 minute run.
"Monkey power! Straight from the jungle!"
49. Deacon Frost's name as a mortal was Glen, and during this period in his life, he fought Lovecraftian Demons as a kid.
50. Apparently, Deacon forgot all about the Lovecraftian Demons when he was turned into a Vampire.
51. Glen is now rotting in Hell after dying as an incomplete avatar for La Magra, a Lovecraftian Blood God, at the hands of Blade.
Welcome to my Nightmare- Freddy Krueger
Gigantic Demons may be dangerous, but dang, they make for some pretty fireworks when you kill them!
"Utah...Get me two."
53. When you throw the Bible down a hole it causes an explosion.
54. Pulling a striped blanket over your head gives you a satanic edge!
55. Like Terry, if you come home to a house with a kitchen that's a total mess, then chances are your responsibility-neglecting, alcoholic father is probably out getting wasted.
Shia LeBeouf = Thank God...the beef!
56. If a portal to Hell happens to appear in your backyard, you can cover it over with ratty old pallets and other scrap wood to prevent the demons from emerging.
share57. Back in the 80's, Metal bands had HUGE budgets for album artwork.
58. Little kids should not watch Quest for Fire on TV in the basement..
59. Stephen Dorff has a solid future.
60. 15 & 3/4 year old sisters make awesome babysitters!!
61. Glen has an awesome collection of vintage Iron Maiden posters..
62. Now we know where the Somthing About Mary hairstyle came from..
66. We should just give our troops bibles to throw at the enemy instead of wasting money on expensive weapons when clearly, bibles are very.....explosive.
The Universe is a yawning chasm, filled with emptiness and the puerile meanderings of sentience.
68. Boy this is one movie that cannot possibly have a sequel.... oh *beep*
69. Playing "light as a feather stiff as a board" is hazardous to the lighting fixtures
70. When playing with demons eyeballs will start popping up all over your body
71. The best weapon against said demons is your "love rocket"
72. Cameron Diaz stole her "There's Something About Mary" hairstyle from Lori Lee.
73. They'll find something. They went to Sunday School.
74. I want a hellmouth in MY backyard. This movie was COOL!
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
75. Around the mid to late '80's the best word to describe a newly discovered cavelike hole in a backyard was, in fact, - "Wicked"!
76. For Al & the Lee sisters, a slumber party apparently consisted of streaking their hair then crashing out around 9:00 p.m.
77. It takes the fierce strength of a hammer to break open 1 geode, but for another it only takes a gentle freefall to the soft ground 3 feet from the bottom roots of a tree.
78. Demons aren't Fallen Angels. They're rather Lovecraftian monsters.
Welcome to my Nightmare- Freddy Krueger
79. You can get $100 bucks for a big one.
80. We have to call Terry before they fill it in.
If it weren't for law enforcement and physics I'd be unstoppable.
[deleted]
87. If you've burnt a hole in the roof, you can't launch any more rockets without supervision. Don't worry though. Terry said he'd supervise, so...game the fvck on!!!
88. Terry is NOT a nerd, dammit! He listens to Sacrifyx!
89. It's okay to ruin your favorite heavy metal album by playing it backwards in the service of mankind.
90. Al is still hot.
"Ouch...my hair!" - Grandpa (The Lost Boys)
91. An 8 ounce Frisbee is an acceptable excuse for a broken window.
92. Teenage parties in Canada are a multi-cultural affair.
93. Don't recite "Aka Kuto Ala Eta;" it might influence them even more - but they can't get through.
97. Giant demon lords will choose inefficient, pint sized minions to do their bidding.
98. If you cut off a minions arm, it will fall, shatter and turn into semen that scurries away.
99. Don't worry if demonic hands from under the bed try to get you, they'll be gone the next time you return to the same exact spot.
100. *Wahoo!* Glen (Stephen Dorff) couldn't handle the pressure, so Terry (Louis Tripp) had to tackle the demons in "The Gate II: Trespassers".
So much for this one from sipplesusedcars:
68. Boy this is one movie that cannot possibly have a sequel.... oh *beep*