Funny quotes

Karl: "You look a little bit like Elvis Presley. Not when he was fat and on drugs, but before that."

Karl: "Knobby - is that like in Star Wars?"
Knobby: "No, idiot, it's Knobby" (knock knock knock knock)
Karl: "Oh, is that like a nickname?"
Knobby: "Yeah, I think maybe it's something like that."

Karl: "I don't have to go! This- this is a free country and I- and I pay taxes! AAAAIIIIIEEEEE!"


Oh, this movie is full of perfect quotes. I love the one in the end, when Karl is hitting bad guys head with a garbage-bin cover :)

Perfect ending :)


Bernie: "Look, I got a Smith and Wesson..under the counter, man.....pointin' at you and if you don't hurry up I'm gonna shoot you right in the dick."

Shoplifter: " can't do that...."

Bernie: "Are you kidding? Of course I can do that. In this neighborhood? I could shoot a customer a week and get away with it."

"True wisdom comes from knowing that you know nothing. That's US, Dude!"


I think this scene is funny right here

Bernie: Take your hands off me Ray, don't forget I was the state prison boxing champ, your gonna get hurt!
Ray: Ohhhh boxing champ, as I recall that was a woman's prison, I'm gonna slap the sh*t out of you!
(Bernie throws Ray at a bookshelf busting his nose)
Ray: Oh god, oh god, damn. you bitch, you lousy bitch. (starts chasing Bernie out the back door)
Ray: Thats it, thats it! I'm reopening the case, your gonna be the state prison boxing champ again, you hear me?
Bernie: Give me a break Ray, a week, I'll get you two fur coats.


you can't forget when Whoopi is putting drunk Bob into the taxi and as he drives off the taxi driver askes. Where to? Bob responds, "Uhhm My house(in that loud and nervous sounding tone he uses)'s got like a mail box" that had me laughing my ass off.


My favorite quote from this, and actually from any movie:

(cleaver slammed on the counter by Graybow)

BERNIE: "Oh! No! I don't wanna upset you! You know, I had a friend one time who was into cleavers...and I told him I said you know you shouldn't be bangin' sh*t like that!"



I loved the part where they were questioning Karl at the police station. He kept pushing his face against the 2-way mirror. "I can see people in there. It's like a people aquarium."


I love the interrogation scene!

"You got any mousse?!"

No canned cheese or g-strings? How am I supposed to celebrate New Years?


"I'm gonna DIE in here...I'm gonna choke on my underwear!"


If you can't take a joke; don't look in the mirror...


The entire interrogation scene with Karl is hilarious.



There were funny lines in this movie?


Every line Bobcat says is priceless.