Captain's Log 3: The Prequel Continued
Since someone at IMDB apparently thought Nexus71's thread had gotten too long and stopped allowing replies on it, I did this. The post count from the old thread just hit 600. 650, here we come! If you think of it, please place a number on your reply so we can keep an accurate count.
Before Riker became captain Wesley farted vast amounts of Klingon fragrances and stuff. Worf, however, was intrigued by Counselor Troi's ample bosom and wondered,"Boy,I´d like Feel those shoulder Paddings¨.
Picard decided upon Chicken a-la-king, eating it with his fingers, and thought about Aldebaran Whisky dripping down glorious fountains. His combadge alerted him that Kamala was near and Lwaxana senses confusion while slurping her chicken-a-la-king with noodles.
Just then Q appeared wearing lederhosen singing Bavarian folk songs while drinking a goblet full of crisp, clean Altair water. His intentions were not as clear as usual As Jean Luc noticed Q and offered Q assistance which amused Q.
Meanwhile Geordi, barely recognizable was Riker's anbo-jyutsu partner at which Geordie was quite skilled after a couple of Guinness beers and training. Fireworks exploded causing massive national pride among the mindless drones deployed by the Borg who were attempting to regain some much needed shore leave using butt plugs in view of other sentient species.
Data noticed the Pakleds were trying to create tachyon fields by vomiting omicron particles into the plasma manifold which caused a Time-warp that transported them back to 1536,to witness King Henry VIII behead Anne Boleyn and marry Jane Seymour,who was not destined to be a Section 31 agent.
Simultaneously Beverly And Pulaski gnashed horns over a disputed claim in which two patients on morphine got together to recreate a new human centipede.
When suddenly Data appears, eating some crisps while Geordi said, "Can I have some?"
Data answered, "Sure Geordi, but first you must kick Q".
But Q used his powers to gradually turn into a non-corporeal life-form which caused Geordi to almost choke on a Pizza roll.Data intervened by cleverly disguising as Amanda Rogers by using holographic projectors and perfume Q was so turned-on he completely and utterly forgot about his lederhosen and Geordi just couldn't believe his ocular implants that Q had such pants and asked Q where he got those?
Worf funnily replied from behind the dustbin,to exclaim loudly "the Salvation-Army".Q turned and replied "Kill Me before I go away and save hundreds of people listening to Worf's bad jokes".
Annoyed by incessant heckling Wesley decided immediately to pack his own lunchbox and decided on crepes suzette with salad on the side "Mmmm this tastes like chicken.All Q wanted was the opportunity to eat a chicken curry souffle with an ale.
In Ten-forward Guinan was acting quite strange as she was being watched while bathing ,when suddenly giant snowflakes fell from the wormhole that appeared above the port nacelle that wreaked havoc with the WRS (water reclamation system) causing Guinan to jump Geordi, who was flabbergasted beyond resistance by Guinan's bad breath and love-handles.Suddenly, Barclay stepped out on Geordi's Birthday party from The Guardian Of Forever.
Meanwhile on the hangar deck Ensign Ro was surprised to smell fresh hasperat in Riker's quarters and was inspired to make her famous Partha La Uta and some Romulan Ale to wash her lingerie with and bathe Riker.
Suddenly Troi asked if it was invitation only or free admission for Starfleet personnel with curves and skin-tight hair extensions and mullets.Ro replied;"Do we need all of these rules for multi-partner procreation?".Troi replied; "Of course not you Maquis-loving Bajoran it only applies to series regulars."
Just then,Lwaxana walked straight into the Captain's quarters right into Vash and Tasha's ghost who were very aroused by a naked Data who was watching "Terminator" and lubricating his phallus and servo-motors while planning the shifts of androids assisting him. Data said,"I need Four shifts to get one android ".
Gul Madred offered Picard four bars of chocolate but Picard refused to take less than five,and finally,Gul Madred was able to see that Picard was bluffing when all his inhibitions went out of the torpedo tube and was seen orbiting the planet Labia Majora.Picard however ordered a volley of photon-torpedo´s aimed at the Cardassian craft.The Cardassian anticipated that maneuver and deployed a tachyon-pulse generator(or tachyon pulse-generator)to neutralise future-Picard's meddling.
When Worf,fresh from eating Gagh entered the coordinates for the rendez-vous inside the Nebula, when Dr Pulaski noticed a horta in in heat with silicon.Worf's pocket was filled with a pained howl to the show's director what he resented and took it up with captain Picard but he dismissed his own prejudices and agreed to admit to round up those usual suspects.
While this is happening a fleet of untrained Borg cubes assembled to assimilate a mirror at a nearby starbase,captain Jellico ordered a T-bone steak with a bottle of Blood Wine confiscated from shady Ferengi ballet dancers with spandex and the Kremlin called out "Heere, Out, heeere, boy..." there far far away in space.
Q heard a faint giggle from Guinan who then put a sleeping pill in his morning tea and crumpets.After which no one saw him ever again until one angry Vulcan named Spork purchased a mind melting device that inexplicably somehow worked on Picard's Robin-Hood-tights.
Miles O'Brien was astounded by the technical wizardry of the Vulcan Association and tried unsuccessfully to obtain some unobtanium and advanced technology ,so that he could complete his secret plan which would enable him to discover the Fountain Of Youth.
When Pulaski missed her dinner date with Kyle Riker who promised his famous chipotle dish,she unflinchingly ate without checking her temperature or glucose levels.
Meanwhile some ancient astronaut theorists were ridiculed and discredited by sarek from beyond the ancient Vulcan netherland of Vulcanvania hoever the end came and Sarek unaware of temporal displacements and recent developments wanted to perform Fal-Tor-Pan but his son Spock wanted to prevent this in order to stop his mother's turning into A Dauphin-like bug-eyed sloth.
When suddenly Barclay intervened "Lt. Commander, may I suggest you put the isolinear-chips back in the slot",where the engineer took them out and replaced them with new ones".Geordi then erased all of Riker's personal logs containing a very embarrassing amount of sad stories about Alaskan bikini girls getting their rocks off without using their hands and resorting to appliances.
when all the Cylons came storming out of the bathroom,Dr.Bashir who took up the mantle of CMO and ordered a set of hypo-sprays to establish a perimeter of defense so they can protect the Nanites quickly realised they were being tricked into doing the Macarena.Picard heard voices saying; "Kill them!" .
Worf asked what was all the noise about,Geordi replied that he was clueless where it came from and investigated 7 of 9's panties for ladders to climb into 7 of 9's cockpit and surprise her with his torpedo
causing laughter among nanites and 7 of 9 because she'd seen bigger torpedos in Riker's porn collection. Unfortunately, he deleted most of the offending files which have been part artform, part documentary about reproduction and abstinence from interspecies rituals. At that exact time, Tasha Yar appeared on the scene and told Worf that she wants his expert opinion regarding those porn videos. Worf replied, "They're lightweights compared to the brothels on Kronos."
Yar replied, "I'd like to point
a phaser
share