WHY did she want to kill herself?

I think it was all about getting control. So much that happened to her in her life, she felt she had no control over. I liked the analogy she used when she compared her life to riding on a bus, and deciding when she wanted to get off. She wanted a chance to call the shots. One place this was obvious was she left a list of things for her brother to do, gifts to give their mother for Christmas etc. She basically felt she could get him to do what she wanted him to do because it was her dying wish. She was trying to get some of the control through and after her death that she did not feel she had in life.

She was done. There was nothing for her to look forward to, and things were only going to get worse. She got off the bus.

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"Love means never having to say you're ugly." - the Abominable Dr. Phibes

I totally understand why she did it. Life isn't easy and none of us choose to be here in the first place. We are all seeds of parents agenda but we are the ones who have to carry on. It's very unfair. Having children is the most selfish act.