John Swartzwelder is Alan Spencer

And so the grim truth is revealed. This >14-year-old web of lies and deceit must end. Alan Spencer, the creator of the pro-violent, anti-Republican, animal-rights-abuse-fest Sledge Hammer!, was a confirmed Hollywood subversive. He recognized that dilution of his subversion through multiple personae was the only way to avoid the American gulag--that is, forced relocation to Ames, Iowa and confinement within the borders of said state--hence the creation of "The Simpsons" writer John Swartzwelder.

By creating a proxy to receive future credits of subversion, Alan Spencer has avoided attainment of the lifetime limit of such credits that triggers clandestine governmental intervention. That is, until now.

Michael 'Slappy' Reiss has furthered the conspiracy on his college tour--an otherwise innocuous lecture series on "alternative" personal grooming methods--by regaling audiences with credible tales of his interaction with Swartzwelder. "Swartzwelder had a long career in advertising that makes the Gabbo teaser seem to work on so many…" Nice try, Slappy.

The Kaufka-esque charade was aided and embedded by the "partner" of Michael 'Slappy' Reiss, Alfred 'Pappy' Jean, who has at times attempted to pass himself off as the fictional Swartzwelder. Nice try, Pappy.

Let the governmental screws begin to turn.

spowell,
intrepid investigative chemist