Suggested cast and treatment for Alec Berg remake

OK I guess its no secret that Warner Bros is paying Alec Berg and crew to write a remake. I just want to add my 2 cents. Here's the suggested remake cast members:

* Kal Penn - Austin Millbarge
* Michael Richards - Emmett Fitz-Hume

Kal makes the perfect intellectual quasi-Muslim (I know he's Indian) comedian and Michael makes the perfect straight-laced but quirky white guy. Kal is still in the biz looking for work even while REALLY working for the US Govt. Mike needs work BADLY as his last gig Cat Tails is just about it. He's funny and has the right amount of oddball-ness to play Chevy Chase's old roll. They both are tall too. I can just hear him telling Kal "giddy-up!" (Kosmo Kramer catch phrase).

Ok here's the mini-treatment: Raw recruits Austin Millbarge and Emmett Fitz-Hume both applied and were tentatively accepted to CIA's Sherman Kent School for intelligence analysts. They are caught cheating on their entrance exams by none other than Chevy Chase and Danny Akroyd (cameo appearance) themselves.

Austin is an NSA employee in basement of the Fort Mead MD HQ. All he does is listen to Echelon, ELINT, and SIGINT intercepts all day long and is getting bored. He is quoted as smugly saying: "If you come across a static filled, triple scrambled, microwave transmission between two soldiers talking in Iranian Farsi and the Iranians are only using a simple, polyphonetically grouped twenty square digit key, transposed from booster verdonic form, with multiple nulls, then it can be broken using a Drogen’s decoder wheel, which can be found sporadically in boxes of Lucky Charms." (from the original movie only Austin said Mandarin Chinese).

Emmett is a bit of a con-man but not a very good one. He has no particular basic tradecraft skills and it is quite evident by his silly antics. He was recruited from the US State Department as he was a diplomatic courier. He was known to help CIA (and other) guys smuggle illegal stuff into foreign countries via the diplomatic pouch (i.e. Cuban cigars, guns, gadgets, etc.).

Actor's from the movie Spy Game (2001) (with Robert Redford & Brad Pitt) play the CIA executive staff affectionately known as "The 7th Floor" at Langley Va. The DCIA (director), played by Larry Bryggman, meets with his executive staff. He announces to them that there was an "incident" in Iran. It appears that 3 Israeli Mossad agents tried to enter Iran via Uzbekistan and were arrested by Iranian military at Mashad (Iran).

A US Senator from Connecticut on the Senate Intelligence Committee and staunch member of AIPAC (also a top-secret Mossad agent since 1980's) wants the DCIA to send in a secret rescue mission to save them. But he doesn't want it "on the books" therefore it will be a "black op". The DCIA has strong AIPAC sentiments too. Of course the DCIA will send in the super-secret 'non-existent' "Navy Seal Team 9" with 2 of his best CIA field officers Jeff Daniels and Liev Schreiber.

Of course now they have to find two of the "dumbest" patsies to serve as a distraction for the REAL rescue team which is being infiltrated into Iran posing as a US Army LRRP in northern Afghanistan near Herat (Afghanistan). But they need to drop off (by HALO - high altitude low opening parachute jump at night) the 2 patsies a long way way so that their movements will be totally monitored by the Iranian intelligence (i.e. VEVAK) all along their journey to Iran. Someone from CIA HQ leaks the info to a known Iranian Vevak agent in Washington DC. So they are dropped in Tajikistan just outside the city of Dushanbe 800 miles east from their target (and across two ex-Soviet bloc nations Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan).

They will need at least one of them to LOOK Muslim (Kel Penn or Austin) and speak the native languages of the area. Of course Austin lied on his CIA application and can only speak English like an American. He knows some Arabic, Pasthu, Farsi, and Urdu curse words he got from his NSA work and buddies back home that got him to join up. However, the Michael Richards character, Emmett, speaks fluent Arabic as his mom is of Iraqi ancestry and supposedly related to Saddam Hussein's mother Subha Tulfah al-Mussallat. They both look very Bedouin with their desert Shemaghs pulled around their head and faces. Emmett doesn't tell Austin right away that he can speak Arabic as he is ashamed of it. He even denies it when asked. Richards does look a little like Saddam too. He reveals
both in very hilarious ways throughout the movie.

The DCIA is given two names from one of his executives at the table. He puts 2 dossier folders marked NOT-SECRET (vs. Top Secret) in front of DCIA and says: "Sir, here are two overt recruits from the Kent school. They are really a piece of work sir. They lied on their initial applications and cheated on their analyst entry exams. And not very well I may add." The DCIA responds "Perfect gentlemen!" then song fades up: Paul McCartney's Spies Like Us...

Fade to black and fade up to sub captioned screen of an old Navy basic training base that says "THE FARM" JUST OUTSIDE WILLIAMSBURG VIRGINA. Of course here is where you add the comedy of CIA basic training from the original movie. Michael Richards can do all of his prat-falls and hilarious facial gestures from Seinfeld. Kel can do his Harold & Kumar shtick too. Anything for a laugh!

When its time for their HALO into Tajikistan, they are NOT told about what is really involved with a HALO jump at night. And certainly not told that it is a night-time jump. Neither is HALO rated but they where taught the basic paratrooper technique at THE FARM. When they realize that their being pushed out the back of the C-130 Hercules plane out of Bagram Air base Afghanistan it is a hilarious screaming scene all the way down to the ground.

They both land in a Tajik village next to a gas station - actually right on target. A Tajik villager with two camels says in perfect English: "Mr. Millbarge and Fitz-Hume I presume?" Fade to next scene of the 3 of them on there way to Dushanbe to meet another CIA contact to take them 800 miles across two countries. The background music playing is "Soul Finger" by the Bar-Kays. The Tajik mountain panorama is breath taking. Austin is visibly uncomfortable and squirming on his camel (camel growls a lot). Emmett seems like a natural for some reason. The Tajik villager (CIA asset) walks alongside. He has a Russian made AK-47 slung over his back.

Fade to CIA HQ scene in Op Center with NRO satellite imagery on big screen. DCIA is looking on. "So where are our boys now?" "On the road to Dushanbe sir... Keyhole imagery coming up now sir." The live initially static-filled image zooms down to to 2 man on camel-back trekking along just south of the Dushanbe Airport. The DCIA says: "Send in a armed Predator to keep an eye on them. I don't want them killed this early in the op". Fade to black.

When they arrive to Dushanbe they are met by the CIA field operative played by Alexander Siddig (Bashir from Star Trek Deep Space 9?). He welcomes the 2 men with open arms: "Welcome! My comrades in arms Mr. Millbarge and Fitz-Hume. We were expecting you sooner. Where you delayed?" Fitz-Hume is suspicious and initially doesn't trust him. He thinks that he is either Iranian, Tajik, or Russian FSB (KGB), NOT CIA. Of course with Alexander's character one never knows!

The CIA contact details what their cover will be Doctors Without Borders treating an outbreak of Tuberculosis in the Steppe Region of Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan. They will be using Land Rover caravan verses camels. All along the route they run into one comedy after another. They run into drug traffickers, corrupt military soldiers, IMU terrorists, common criminals, occasional Afghan Bedouins, and plenty of really sick people. The whole time they are being followed by a group of very stealthy Iranian Vevak agents led by the very scary actor Amr Waked (Syrianna (2005)).

In many occasions in the steppe people mistake Emmett for the late Saddam Hussein. He slips up and says somethings in Arabic like: "No you are mistaken" and "Go away you silly woman!". Austin says things like: "Dude! I didn't know you could speak the lingo here!" He replies: "I don't..."

Of course Austin is VERY intrigued with the illegal drug trafficking as the character Kumar would be. Alexander and Emmett have to keep his mind focused off of drugs and more on the operation.

Well someone else needs to finish this... Feel free to add to the story line. Maybe Alec may use some of it or not... (his lose)...