Mixed Feelings after seeing at 16 then 40
Make no mistake. This was *The Movie* that cemented one particular passion in my life when I was very young, when I first saw it at 16: I wanted to travel the world as much as possible, and most of all I wanted to see Africa. Desperately. I didn't really understand the romance between Blixen and Finch-Hatton at the time. I knew it was there, but it seemed elusive, mysterious and tense, and I didn't catch the underlying currents. Hell, who could at 16? I only knew her husband (and why she married him in the first place? so confusing to a 16 year old with limited exposure to purchasing titles through marriage) cheated on her, gave her an STD, she became sterile as a result, and so she took up with the handsome dude played by Redford. It was all so romantic for a 16 year old, really.
Most of all, I remembered the breathtaking cinematography and score. Due to many factors and limitations that kept me from seeing it much in the next 20 years, I don't believe I re-watched it more than 2 or 3 times in the ensuing period from 1985 until now.
What a difference time makes. I still love this movie - can't deny it. Nostalgia alone made me grab a tissue or two at the most memorable scenes from when first seeing it - biplane ride anyone? And I enjoyed for the first time the far more subtle interplay between Blixen and those around her: the embarrassment for her when she tried to act as if the native Kikuyu were "hers". The ironic scene of going into the club bar looking for her soon to be husband, and who "dealt" with her. The understanding ache of her going to her own farm's manager: "Give me work". It was impossible to not appreciate her apparent evolution and realization of the colonial mindset she had participated so fully in, and yet how she wanted to give "her" Kikuyu lands to call their own after she had to leave Africa, even prostrated herself for their sake. Very touching, but still a disappointment in feeling "too little, too late".
In short, I was stunned at how little I had picked up from my first viewings even well into my 20's. Finch Hatton's holier-than-thou attitude towards the colonial europeans, while at the same time being either unforgiveably (for his character) naive, and/or purposefully blind to his part in it all, of how hunting for ivory or guiding safaris as uber-valuable commodoties was going to feed the beast he claimed to fear one on one. The line "I have a father & daughter from Belgium next month - they want 3 of each." I'm paraphrasing - but seemingly that his next tour group wanted 3 each of the big 5 animals dead to take home and have stuffed as trophies. He didn't think that just about every wealthy family in Europe (read: too many) would be all over that times the thousands, and therefore contributing to the destruction of his beloved Africa?
I don't believe the filmmakers were oblivious to this hypocrisy - and yet...And Yet. They made *such* a beautiful film that even these many years later, I still desperately have wanted to see Africa, and through no plans of my own have found myself traveling there with family in October. I won't be taking 3 of each. I won't see the Masaii warriors jogging aross the salt flats of some desolate high plains African desert. I don't know if the cultures and wildlife of pre 19th century Africa will survive the colonial, cultural and tourist assaults of the 20th and 21st centuries. It is a curious and uncomfortable feeling - to wonder if I'm yet another Finch Hatton, betraying the spirit of a conscience that I slowly became aware of many years after seeing OOA. I want to see Africa. But I don't want to destroy what's left of it. How to do?