NEW LIST: Things I learned from watching American Ninja
1. There is MASSIVE corruption in the US Army station in the Fillippines.
2. When three men are shooting Uzis at you, do not run for cover. Simply somersault towards the nearest truck's utility box and find a screwdriver to use as a weapon. You will not be shot by any of the three men.
3. Philippino mercenaries will climb over railings after being shot to make their deaths look more dramatic.
4. US Army protocol for storming drug lord compounds is to send a fleet of tanks and APCs, with the biggest, blackest soldier sitting in open cover on the top of the lead tank. Next to him, have his right-hand man (who, to that point, did nothing but chauffer the Colonel and his daughter around), also sitting in open cover, taking single shots from a Colt 45 as militiamen shoot machine guns all around him.
5. Steve James, God rest his soul, couldn't get through one action sequence without taking his shirt off.
6. Men who teach martial arts in the military for many years apparently don't know how to do much more than grab, stick their arms out, and yell "hey!" when in a 1 on 1 fighting exhibition.
7. When swords are used to slash ninjas to death, they are rarely stained with blood. As well, ninja uniforms that are slashed stay in one piece always.
8. When a protagonist ninja faces off against multiple bad guy ninjas, a red fabric will conveniently appear around his waist to differentiate him from his opponents.
9. Catching and breaking a ninja's arrow will severely piss him off to the point where he orders others to kill you.
10. If Military Police officers attempt to arrest you, run through the nearest plate-glass window. It will easily break and allow you to bust through it. As well, you will not be injured. You won't even bleed.
11. Ninja masters have nothing on a guy who was taught how to slice mellons with a sword and climb trees when he was a child for a couple of years.
12. Japanese men who are fluent in English don't know any American names other than "Joe."
13. There is no one guarding parked APCs and tanks on military bases, but the sounds of people fighting atop them will summon a Military Police jeep to come check it out.
14. Patricia Hitchcock gives HORRIBLE advice ("You gotta trust someone sometime!"). Don't listen to her!
15. If you are hanging by the rail of a helicopter holding the bad guy you are trying to kill, even if he comes out so that he's only 2 feet away from you, he will miss every shot he fires from his handgun.
16. After clearly and obviously jumping on the rail of a helicopter and dodging bullets from the badguy inside, if you open the door to the helicopter 2 seconds later, the hostage inside will yelp in surprise as if she had no idea you had been there the whole time.
17. One wanted man holding a handgun (that's not even pointed at his hostage) who is about to make his escape via helicopter, will not be shot at by a hundred American troops standing right in front of him.
18. Deaf and mute Japanese men who work as decorators for drug barons keep arsenals of ninja weaponry in their on-work-location homes.
19. It's possible an Army sargeant won't even know your name, even if you have a large patch that says "ARMSTRONG" on your shirt at all times.
20. It's not important to make the writing on a note visible when you're making a movie where one has to be shown to the camera.
21. When French drug barons shoot their business partners in the back, their guns don't visibly discharge any flash. Neither do their former business partners suffer any visible wounds. They do fall down, though.
22. Leave it to Curtis Jackson to find a loaded rocket launcher just when he needs to blow up a helicopter in flight.
23. A woman whose father has just been gunned down in front of her eyes will quietly allow her lover, now dressed as a Japanese assassin, to carry her across a rooftop and drop you into the arms of a waiting, sweaty, half-naked, musclehead. It's protocol.
24. After killing many people, watching your father-figure get killed, ripping a man's torso in half, and narrowly miss being blown up in a helicopter in the sky, it's normal to take your mask off and smile at the sky.
25. When morale is low, hit the showers.
26. During a hijacking gone awry, after safely getting a fellow soldier into the safety of a truck and watching him drive away, run between two trucks and jump onto your belly with your arms outstretched, landing hard on the pavement. No reason necessary.
27. After chasing a truck by foot, hanging off its back and dragging, making your way to the roof, and causing it to topple over on its side, it will explode for no reason.
28. When a ninja master breaks into a military prison to kill someone inside, he will use a smoke bomb to conceal his entry into the cell...even though no one is watching.
29. Ladders are left around military prisons in case a new escapee flees a ninja assassin and needs to make it over the surrounding fence.
30. On the day of a big drug deal, if a rogue ninja shoots an arrow at you, don't instruct your mercenary soldiers to shoot automatic fire at said ninja (standing in plain view before everyone on the roof of a truck). They'll all miss.
31. After you've managed to get him to come out and face you because you have a hostage, allow your ninja army to fight him one by one rather than simply shooting him.
32. Black Star Ninja is able to throw daggers at invisible men and accurately hit them and kill them, yet his swordfighting skills go down the toilet when he faces a guy who used to chop melons with swords and climb trees back when he was a kid.
33. Joe and Patricia are celibate, and that's fine with them.
34. If you're making a cheesy 80s action film, name the black sidekick "Jackson."
35. Secret ninja assassins are meant to be paraded around for beautiful women and fellow drug dealers to see.
36. If a ninja assassin attempts to kill an American soldier locked up in military prison and fails, having to chase him into a parking lot for tanks and APCs, he will not kill him when he finally gets the chance. he will sneak up behind him and attempt to choke him through the window of an APC.
37. A military police officer on a jeep, firing wildly with an M16 will not be able to hit a ninja master standing in one spot. The ninja master will instead succeed in procuring a throwing star and whipping it into the officer's head as he fires his automatic machine gun.
38. When you find strange American pre-pubescent boys lying around the jungle with amnesia, teach them Ninjutsu.
39. Explosions can separate boys from their surrogate fathers, but only the boys will be able to be found by the construction crews (represented simply as arms pushing a dynamite stick down).
40. When ninjas lay an ambush for an American soldier, one will hide inside a barrel. He won't come out; he'll just sit inside quietly. The American soldier will then miraculously stab the barrel with a sword. THEN the ninja will pop out (literally handing his sword to the soldier- maybe a sign of respect?).
That's off the top of my head. I LOVE this movie.