MovieChat Forums > Firstborn (1984) Discussion > Was anyone annoyed with Teri Garr's char...

Was anyone annoyed with Teri Garr's character?


It's so frustrating to watch her bring this ne'er-do-well into her home with her two sons. Even as the abuse progresses, she refuses to put her foot down and instead allows the chaos to escalate. I realize she is supposed to be vulnerable and lonely, and her descent into drug use further clouds her judgement--but good grief! Of course, this wouldn't be too dramatic a movie if she didn't hook up with this loser! I've always like Firstborn. The cast is great and the intensity builds nicely toward the end of the movie.

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I agree that her character was annoying. I do think that maybe she wasn't so unrealistic though, as I have experienced similar things on a milder level.

I grew up with a single father in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere. He was lonely as crap and would drink himself to sleep on a regular basis. Not the get drunk and yell kind of sleep but the drink till I'm asleep on the couch and even if shaken and yelled at won't stir kind. Over the years he met several woman and fell in 'love.' It was real this time! These woman included drug addicts, twenty somethings, and in the midst of divorcees amongst others. This one woman was in the process of leaving her husband when he met her. What's the solution? Well, if you're crazy lonely the solution is two weeks after meeting her she moves into your house with your kids. She turned out to be stubborn and always right and mildly crazy. She could never be wrong. She slapped me. Her and Dad constantly argued. I was expected to act as an adult when I was 14. I only realized in retrospect how that in itself was so weird. She also believed in an eye for an eye, so if I didn't do the dishes quickly I was grounded. If I was late by five minutes I was grounded. The list goes on and on. The crappiest part is that Dad always took her side. She was really cheap too as was my Dad. They came up with a rule: because they took six minute showers that's how long I got. After six minutes they would turn off the hot water to the bathroom. By the way, I took a shower at home once a week. ONCE A WEEK. Yet I still only got six minutes.

As could probably be surmised by my description of their relationship they broke up. I moved out first as I turned seventeen and graduated from high school and at that point it was all too much. Within a couple years my Dad was with heavy heart multiple times as he would apologize again and again for putting me through those years. But that's what loneliness will get you. You will put your own children through the hell of violent drug addicts and controlling megalomaniacs because there's nothing worse than being lonely. To this day, twenty years later, I still have never told my Dad how crappy my memories of that time are. I never will. He's older now and a different person. What good would it do?

But here's what I can tell you about what my Dad's loneliness caused for me: I decided never to have kids when I was about 12. I'm 36 today and still feel strongly about this. I can't say if it's because I just don't want them or the more blunt reason: I never want my kids to resent me the way I resent some of my upbringing. Here's another gripe: I have never told a girlfriend I love them. When I was nineteen I met someone I was with for seven years. Never said it. I'm about to close in on nine years with my current girlfriend. She's perfect. Have never said it. I think it's because when you hear your parent tell 9 different crazy people with such passion how much they love someone and then a year later someone moves in it starts to feel phony and fabricated and to some extant like a curse. Is it even worth the piss in a bucket? I guess it's so worthless to me I would just rather never say it. It means garbage. Everyone says it. No one means it.

By the way, I have two siblings and they never want kids either. Maybe when Mom says she needs to go live her life and Dad has crazy girlfriends living with you it's a bit discouraging.

And a final note about being a good parent. Compared to me my girlfriend was spoiled. Had whatever she wanted. Got a car. Parents bought her nice clothes. Didn't get in trouble for staying out late. Didn't get grounded for crap infractions. What was the result? She went to university and graduated in three years. Bought a house with her own money when she was 24. What was I doing at 24? Living out of the back of my truck scrounging cans.

My Dad's crazy know it all girlfriend knew jack about how to raise kids. Raising kids to be healthy and happy means putting yourself second. It means not exposing them to weirdness. Screw all that crap man..... kids ALWAYS deserve the benefit of the doubt.

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I'm sorry to hear about what you went through growing up. Parents really need to realize the impact they have on their kids when they bring unstable, emotionally unhealthy people into their homes. I'm so sick of hearing stories about how someone's mother's boyfriend abused, molested or neglected them. These people need to wise up and as you've stated, to put their children's needs before their own.

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Everyone says it. No one means it.

Just because you had a ssholes for parents does not mean that every "I love you" is bullshyt. You are 36 now and you said that your Father is a different person now so take some advice from a person with experience - GET OVER IT. Life is too short to be pissed off about something that happened when you were a kid. He said he was sorry and believe it or not that is a huge thing for a parent to say to their children once they are older. Quit bitching about the man that he was and start enjoying the man that he is now.





Dr.Hathaway?.... Are you wearing makeup?!

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What an obnoxious, insensitive post. You sound like a jerk. He wrote about his father because that was relevant to the original post, and the discussion of this movie. Why are you taking what he said so personally? Are you a bad father as well?

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Jimmy91, I think the poster who told you to "get over it" was misguided. You need to integrate the bad experiences in your life to move forward, but you can't just "get over it." Don't let your experiences prevent you from having a family of your own, though. Maybe you do need to have a talk with your dad about what happened so you don't one day explode on him about it. And I empathize; my father's current wife knows all about raising kids, too, which is remarkable since she's never had any!

"Norma...please...paint something cool today." - Mrs. Bronson

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Thanks for sharing Jimmy91. I had a similar stepmother. I like what you said about your girfriend getting a good deal and being academically successful as well as financially. That's similar to where I am now. A good start is everything - I want my kids to have all the opportunities and none of the cheapo BS that's sposed to teach you "real life values' - that's something we all get anyway.

;)

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I pitied her a bit, but ultimately I was just disgusted. She was really quite selfish, putting her own happiness ahead of her children's. It's bad enough when people turn a blind eye to their own abuse, but it's unforgivable when they turn a blind eye to the suffering of their children.

Single parents who date have to realize they're looking not just for a good spouse, but a good parent as well. My aunt made a similar mistake in hooking up with a nasty creep who mistreated her kids. I also suffered greatly at the hands of my stepmum. My dad still won't talk about it, and I've lost a lot of respect for him as a result.

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It was frustrating to watch. Great movie and a good cautionary tale for divorced parents to watch out for.










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If this movie wasn't made back in 84 I would swear that this movie is based on my sister. She has two boys and they are always put second to whatever bum she shacks up with no more than 2 weeks after meeting them. If you are a guy that hates to work and you don't have a place of your own she would probably be attracted to you.

Darling, you can't rape a townie......

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Mostly what bugged me about Terri Garr's character is the sad realization there are really mother's out there like her character.

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This is true. I dated several of them. It got to the point where I didn't want to get serious with any of them because the kids were looking for a substitute dad and parenting and love that they weren't getting from anyone else.

Breaking up with the women meant breaking the relationship with the kids and as hard as it was for me, I figured it was even worse for the children. I'm talking about my single years 1980 to 1984 the same period of the movie.

When Jake told the principal "our mother is sick" he was dead on the money. The 1980s created a lot of "sick" parents.

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I didn't find her all that sympathetic once she let that guy move in. In fact, I think she needed a good spanking for exposing her kids to the drug lifestyle.

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I could not stand her character! She stands by and watches as her boyfriend mentally and phyiscally abuses her children. She even gives him money for drugs. She must have gotten one hell of a divorce settlement as she has the house, does not work, and has pleny of money to spend.

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Mostly what bugged me about Terri Garr's character is the sad realization there are really mother's out there like her character.


This.

Some women aren't born with the maternal instinct, or not strong enough.

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She was believable in the role.That's the way a lonely middle aged single mother raising 2 children would probably act.If you remember correctly her friend even told her she was moving too fast after finding out her ex-husband was re-marrying again.She was basically hurting inside and just wanted someone there no matter what the price was.It's kind of the same in a way for a woman who is abused by her husband,but is afraid of being alone,so she stays with the guy anyway.

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The most telling part was when the guy was about to beat the crap out of her kid, and she says to him "leave him alone honey". Honey she calls him! You'd think that her kids would come first. Horrible mother

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There are more women out there then most people realize. I cant stand them.I have 3 kids and I guarentee if I had to be lonely for the rest of my life I would never bring a man into my home unless my kids were as crazy about him as I was. What this stupid women seem to forget is that thier kids were there first, not the loser boyfriends or in some cases girlfriends. Calling the abuser Honey just goes to show the depths of the characters desperation.

Bitch get out of my way!

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But at least she stepped up in the end.

You want to play the game, you'd better know the rules, love.
-Harry Callahan

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