Feminists are deeply concerned about battered women, but they couldn't care less about battered husbands. Nearly half of domestic violence victims are men and men are 41% of spousal murder victims. So where are the movies sympathetic to battered husbands? I suspect that a one-sided treatment of domestic violence indicates that the issue is used as an outlet for people to express existing gender prejudiced ideas.
sharedefense . mental break down . no comparison . sorry , youre wrong .
i think you just have no life experience and speak out of ignorrance . teen ?
men didnt have generations of being told to ''deal'' with it .men can defend themselves better due to body build .
cops did not help back then and i had to watch my sister get beaten by her ex . he would not get any time .
This is in no way a feminist issue but a realistic issue that anyone who has gone through such a situation can tell you dont know at all what you are talking about .
lol this is easy.....because films about battered husbands won't return a damn profit. Battered husbands will look like sissies. Battered wives will be sympathized by the public. And these feelings are rightfully so IN MOST CASES.
I'm sure there are cases where there is spousal abuse on the husband, but as a man, that sounds absurd to me. I don't doubt it, it just sounds absurd.
Farah Fawcett and Le Mat are GREAT in this. Check it out.
What do you think about that? Domestic violence is a huge problem in the gay community, and there was a fatal case in my area a number of years ago involving a lesbian couple. The bigger one would get drunk and beat up the smaller one, and eventually killed her.
shareI'm a 55 year old male who was raised in something similiar to this movie. This lady and her children had it much worse than I. I don't find her quilty of anything. Her mother and her in-laws are about as sorry as her dead husband. If the police were not so inept this lady would not have had to act in self defense.
shareHi, Everyone Spouse abuse is abig problem in the United States. This includes women beating/ killing men and Men Beating/ Killing Women. I suggest that instaed of typing our opinions of waht is worse on the Internet we could by any chance help raise money or something. maybe make people be aware of abuse. I have actually started a club were we collect canned food, money etc etc for battered sposes, children and the shelters that help them. If you woulf like to get involved e-mail me at pdenton@lausannesch ool.com so when i get a website created i can take donations. Thank You for reading my e-mail.
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by - saythiswilldie on Mon Nov 8 2004 12:21:16
"men didnt have generations of being told to ''deal'' with it .men can defend themselves better due to body build . "
Not true. Men are taught from toddler stage that "boys don't hit girls," but girls are not only told to fight back but are expected to. The image of a woman slapping a man or even kicking him in the groin it always an expected laugh-getter and is praised as a brave act, no matter what the man did to cause it. It is assumed that the man deserved it -- and it is even funnier if he didn't. What is the cliche image of marital strife? That of a woman standing at the door with a rolling pin or a frying pan, just waiting to hit her husband on the head for coming home too late. Can you imagine anyone finding the idea of a man waiting to ambush his wife with violence as being in anyway funny? Where the woman is abused, the man is merely hen-pecked and therefore the object of ridicule.
And in real life, it is now the law in some jurisdictions that even if a man calls the police to report domestic violence by his wife or girlfriend, all the woman has to do is voice a counter claim and the man is automatically assumed to be the aggressor and arrested. He has to prove his innnocence, even if he is the accuser.
People don't believe in the reality of anti-male violence because it has long been treated as joke. And if that isn't the case, in the feminist era it is to be assumed that women are victims and men are the aggressors. No matter what feminists preach, we live in a society that values female lives and security over those of men.
Can you imagine anyone finding the idea of a man waiting to ambush his wife with violence as being in anyway funny?
Well, I have plenty of life experience. I am a man, and a domestic violence survivor. You somehow assume that a woman can't dominate and repeatedly attack a strong, healthy man. I mean, I'm from the John Wayne generation, where a man's supposed to be able to handle a woman, dammit!
Well, many of us come from an upbringing that teaches that a man simply doesn't hit a woman. Ever. On top of that, there are traumas, including emotional ones… death of a beloved first wife, for example… that can leave a man quite incapable of self-protection in his own home, even the most extreme of circumstances.
Today, part of my volunteer work is with two programs assisting men and women who are domestic violence survivors. There are plenty of them… us. And many more, from both sexes, who will not report the abuse, because of attitudes like yours. As long as people tell victims that they can't possibly be victims, or they should grow up and handle it themselves, there will continue to be an appalling number who just shut up and take it.
Some will suffer the rest of their lives. Some will resort to suicide. Some will lose themselves in drugs and alcohol. And some will escape. Comments like yours, and those of other people I have seen here on this board, just make it hard to become one of the survivors.
Yeah Mate, 1 day let me please be assaulted or shown any kind of violence by a woman !! The evil I will inflict upon would be told from generation to generation: Before I'm finished with her, I'll make sure that she'll suffer like no one else in history of mankind !!
shareGreat bluster, but complete *beep*
But if you were stupid enough to even attempt that sort of evil, you would find it massively counterproductive. If you simply responded to severe physical domestic violence by killing your abuser when an opportunity presented itself, you could believably claim self-defense.
If you carry out a long, premeditated, severe program of cruelty, you have stepped far away from self-defense, and become the far worse abuser. No one will take your side, especially domestic violence victims. Those of us who have actually been there know that there is often some level of mutual combat in domestic violence, but one of the people involved eventually dominates, becoming and increasing threat.
In the scenario you pretend to, you would be the one emerging from the domestic violence as the greater abuser. All who are lucky enough to be DV survivors would stand shoulder to shoulder with her after either she was arrested for killing you, or you were arrested and tried for your wanton violence.
You wouldn't be spoken of for long, in spite of your hopes. But I have no doubt that some would briefly speak with amusement of your sniveling and crying as you were dragged off to prison. You would have become aware by then that men who abuse women are not highly thought of in prison, and there are plenty of others there who would make sure you were aware of that fact.
And then you would, quite rightly, be forgotten.
/Bruce/ [aka Slasher]
DPC, USN (ret.)
I'm pretty sure he was blowing smoke. But whatever.
I honestly don't know how any man could let themselves be "battered" or abused by a woman.
I don't condone violence against women and I've never and will never hit my wife (married happily 11 years), but if she were to try to get physical with me it just wouldn't work out for her. For one, she's 5 ft nothing, 115 lbs and I'm 6 ft 4, 235 lbs.
Even if our height/weight difference were negligible, men are usually bigger & stronger than women. You don't have to hit/hurt them to overcome them and subdue them.
I'm sorry for being insensitive or whatever, but I just don't see a scenario where this could legitimately happen to a man. I'm all ears, though!
Actually, Judith Light was in some TV movie years ago about a wife who beat on her husband. It was pretty good, and you could somewhat sympathize with the guy. He wasn't portrayed as a wimp, exactly, but more like a guy who just wouldn't hit a woman, regardless of what she did to him.
Fact - The average human swallows tweleve spiders a year while they sleep.
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Very true. I think most people who are bullies, per se, don't hit because they are bigger and their target is smaller, but because they are just violent, plain and simple.
I've known a lot of guys with "Little Man syndrome" who think when they're drunk that they're now 7 feet tall and 300 pounds with a left like Tyson's.
And it's not just violence involved, that's just the face it wears. It's a lack of respect, in it's basest form.
I am a mother of two girls, and I would cut off my hand before I would ever hit either of them. I'm not talking about a swat on the diaper when they're toddling towards a pot of boiling water, I mean a slap out of anger. And I would never do that because I respect my daughters as people who have as much right to be here as I do. Who the hell am I to raise my hand and attack them for some slight?
People just don't have tolerance. They think they're somehow better than others and can prove this by busting down on them.
Violence should be a item that can be removed from a person, like an appendix.
"Yours is the cloth, mine is the hand that sews tight"
-Led Zeppelin
For all of the folks who doubt that female on male spousal abuse exists, it's time to wake up from that denial. I've known at least ten victims in my own personal experiences, and it's a much bigger problem than many people are willing to admit, yet men have almost no shelters or support groups availible to them when they have been through such abuse.
Another huge factor is the socialization of males by a society that tells them that since they are male, they have to "be tough" and "walk it off" instead of seeking help. It's one of the biggest crimes that our society has perpetrated against the male psyche, the notion that somehow, if they try to get help, report their spouse, or leave an abusive relationship, they are "wimps" somehow. That's never the case.
Even if a man is made of muscle, and physically imposing enough to beat most male attackers to a pulp, when your attacker is somebody you love, even if it is a female who is much smaller than you are, it isn't always easy to fight back. Don't forget, after being abused for long enough, you begin to BELIEVE what your abuser tells you, that you really are worthless, that you aren't worthy of love or respect. It's hard to fight back against abuse that takes place on both physical and emotional fronts, and spousal abuse is not always purely physical in nature.
Domestic violence is very real for many women, and many men. Trust me, I'm not denying or shrugging off the abuse that females go through, but let's remember that things aren't always as the media tells us, and abuse is much more widespread than we may assume. The trouble is, men are too ashamed to come forward, so you won't often hear their stories.
You could not be more correct. But I learned from domestic violence experts, literature, and my own experience that most people have a limited view of domestic violence, batterers, and victims.
First of all, domestic violence is not limited to the physical. In nearly every jurisdiction in the United States, domestic violence includes physical, sexual, and psychological attacks, as well as reproductive and economic coercion. In the latter three instances, the domestic abuse scores deep, deep scars. But there's no blood to show off, so one will likely run into people in public, law enforcement, legal, and private encounters who don't believe that the abuse is real.
That person who started this thread made some boasts about how he'd thump any woman who tried violence against him. This is incredibly stupid, from a purely practical standpoint. If police respond to what appears to be a mutual combat situation, they will arrest both parties. Most police departments across the U.S. today give field officers very limited discretion when both parties exhibit with physical injuries. The District Attorney's office will sort it out. Or a jury will.
What he said is also emblematic of a stultifying societal attitude. One that keeps men who are domestic violence victims from seeking help, or even leaving the situation. The attitude has been referred to as John Wayne syndrome: "A man's supposed to be able to handle a woman, dammit!" Guys who stay in those circumstances will suffer along until they become homicidal, suicidal, or alcoholic.
In a great many reported domestic violence incidents, the victim is a woman. In most of the remainder, the victim is a man. Frequent, also, is domestic violence in a same sex marriage or relationship. And let us not forget that in a fair number of cases, both parties are abusers. It is a much tougher tangle than anyone with a simplistic "take a hickory stick to her" attitude could ever comprehend.
/Bruce/ [aka Slasher]
DPC, USN (ret.)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107553/ That is it...it's called Men Don't Tell.
Sometimes being a B***** is all a woman has to hang on to. ~ Dolores Claiborne
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Not all women are that way. I am not.
Sometimes being a B***** is all a woman has to hang on to. ~ Dolores Claiborne
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I remember the Judith Light film that an earlier poster referred to. Its called "Men Don't Tell."
I thought it to be a well put-together film, demonstrated a subject that is not often talked about in our society. It also had a twist:
(Spoilers below)
The husband who was the victim of the abuse had witnessed his own father drunkenly beating his mother. This taught him that you never ever hit a woman, under any circumstances.
I agree that spousal abuse is a horrible thing, for both sexes. Both male and female offenders shoud face the same punishment by the law.
At the same time, I do see the point that men do usually have a considerable physical advantage over women, and could fight back or escape much more easily than women most likely could.
I did know a man once who was beaten by his wife. He was a mentally-challenged man who married (she was not mentally challenged). She beat him terribly. I felt so bad listening to his story.
(I never met that wife:he was eventually divorced thank God). Later on he met a wonderful woman who loved him deeply and married her.
Again, its a horrible crime that is not condonable for either sexes!
Another well put together film on domestic violence is "The Tracy Thurman Story."
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I have always told my sons to never hit a lady but a lady will never hit them.My DIL is well aware that if she EVER hits my son,she has me to deal with.He won't hit her and I am not a violent person but I will fight to the deaht to defend my sons when they are trying to stand up and be a man.
Anyone who watches "Pulp Fiction" should get a phone call in which someone says"seven days"!!
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No type abuse should be tolerated - no matter what! It's just plain wrong. Men who are abused are not sissies or wimps - they simply know that it's not right to hit a woman, so that's why they don't fight back. And also, they are
manipulated, degraded and controlled by their partner, as with any other abusive relationship. They feel trapped.
Penalties should be exactly the same for this crime.
The closest I ever came to hitting my ex wife was after she threw a temper tantrum and slapped me during some ridiculous argument. She slapped me and I told her "I don't want to hit you, but you're putting yourself in the place of a man when you hit me and if you try that again, I'm hitting back this time." Maybe I had the right kind of menace in my voice or for whatever reason she just turned around and went into the bedroom and slammed the door behind her. I never did hit her because I just don't think it's right for a man to hit a woman, but I think I probably would have if she had slapped me again during that argument. She's gone through two more husbands since then and now I honestly think she has psychiatric problems. But, at any rate I'm glad to be rid of her. I never considered myself to be battered or abused when she'd yell and scream and the few times she slapped me because I could have decked her one time and she'd have ended up in the hospital.
shareI have known males that have been "battered" by their wives. I think that people need to understand that battering isn't just hitting. I think that there are scores of men that suffer mental and emotional cruelty at the hands of their wives/girlfriends. I was abused during a 6 year marriage and it is hard for me to watch this movie becuase I see so much of my ex in it. Words and actions leave scars that cannot be seen by the outside world. People - men or women who are subjected to hurtful and hateful remarks and put downs day after day are marked and there is something that the abusers kill in them over time. The problem with scociety today is that men are convinced that they are supposed to be able to take care of their problems and as a result of that they suffer in silence. Look at the messed up statistics of male rape victims and you'll see what I mean.
I think that the reason it wouldn't fly for a man to kill his abusing wife is for the simple reason that since there is probably not an established pattern of her abusing him and him reporting it, it would be near to impossible for most people to even entertain the idea that a woman can do that to a man and him take it.
My brother-in-law was the victim of domestic abuse. None of us knew about it (although we had our suspicions) because he denied strongly that there was a problem. He would make corny excuses for why he had scratches and bruises. It was truly a shame that he only opened up about it after his horrid wife left him for someone else. Which was probably just as well; as his sister, sister-in- laws, and I would have loved to tear into the B*&$#! But he has handled things wisely , is getting counseling, and is currently in a relationship with a lovely woman. You go, Man!!!
No TV and no beer make Homer something--something!!
Go Crazy?
Don't mind if I do!!!
Why are you trying so desperately to set up a straw man argument? "Feminists," which you are clearly tryng to establish as some sort of slam, are against ANYONE attacking their domestic partner. I know this because I am a feminist and anyone, gay or straight, male or female, who batters their domestic partner needs to be stopped. Stop trying to tear down feminism and direct your efforts toward the real enemy--domestic vilence.
(Oh, and the "nearly half"--that's BS. Most victims of domestic violence are women in heterosexual relationships. Nice try, though.)
I think people feel less sympathy toward battered men because men are ususally physically stronger than women. They think "Well, come on, he's twice her size! He could just hit her back!"
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majikstl,Buddy-Rey,and toking 65000 especially,great posts all!A classmate of mine was recently murdered and domestic violence is a problem we all need to stop!
As for me-to paraphrase Mr.White in Reservoir Dogs,male or female,you hit me in a dream,you'd better wake up and apologize.
You are WAY off on your statistics there. I'm taking a sociology course on family violence and women are the victims of domestic violence between 85-90% of the time. And the times when women do beat their lovers, it's usually self defense. Yes, there are men who are victims but the percentage is VERY low.
My teacher made a really good point one day in class...People always ask why a woman stays, but they never ask why a man beats. Just some food for thought...
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also, statistically and biologically speaking, men have more muscle mass than women. and--if you look at HISTORY--men have dominated over women. it's not a feminist or bias thing--it's just a fact. historically, biologically... more women are physically harmed by men in domestic disputes, and cannot physically defend themselves.
of course a lot of men are abused too, and probably cannot defend themselves--but, unfortunately, in our society that would not produce enough revenue in the movie industry, and also might contribute to the (untrue) stigma of such men as being "weak"...
so yeah. it goes beyond "not caring" because people do care.
~*~
One day I'ma be captain of The Flying Dutchman & ferry souls into the next world. *nods nods*
At this very moment, I'm in my Criminal Justice class, and this movie as well as Women-beating-men have been brought up. The reason that women are able to offset the man's supposed superior strength is the use of "weapons." Women in these cases have been known to use fire pokers, boiling water, etc etc. If anything, I got a good laugh out of the men on this board saying the equivalent of "Me big man! Woman no beat man, man too strong! *thumps chest*"
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