Best Lines Ever


Love the lines when Michael Caine talks about a message he sent a girlfriend...
"Found A Virgin, it's Paradise..Yours, Matthew.." LMAO! Best ever! Still laugh my arse off over it! P.S Nobody plays a drunk better than Mr.Caine

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"When getting undressed I sometimes wish that I could leave the room."
"Just what I needed a one inch god with a two inch penis."
And many, many others. I love this movie.

"When you asked for light, I set myself on fire" - Audioslave

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"They smiled at us. Let's got talk to them."
"They're practically nude."
"Try to picture them with clothes on."

Always love that one.

Pat

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"That's not your life line, that's you love line."

"Tiny little thing, isn't it?"

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"How'd you like to lose two feet off your nose?"

"What is 'kinky'?" "You're about to find out..."

"Lawyers...you'd think I was divorcing them."

"That woman, is my kinda guy."

"Don't worry, they're good girls" "Yeah, less go find some bad ones"

Man, he HAD to write his own lines for the film. They were all to funny.

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"You have milk all over your moustache pussycat"

Cracks me up everytime.

'I love the smell of napalm in the morning'

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Chilly?

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When Matthew says "Oh, that poor daddy. You can't swing a dead cat around here without hitting a poor daddy."

I hurt myself laughing at that line...

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When Matthew says "Oh, that poor daddy. You can't swing a dead cat around here without hitting a poor daddy."

I hurt myself laughing at that line...


Hahahaha yerh that is brilliant.



“It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.” Bill Hicks

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"He doesn't speak, dad, he's a drummer."

"Well, then can he bang 'hello' on the table?"

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[deleted]

I'm no longer a carnivore. I don't eat anything that's ever had parents.

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"You are, how you say, a queer couple?"
"Odd... odd couple"

and

"Close, close you bastard" - to be honest I love that whole scene where Matthew is trying to escape.

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Overall the whole movie was scripted with a great sense of humor and read with a great sense of timing. The character interaction flowed (despite some clumsiness on behalf of Johnson and Moore) and the exchanges were great, "...try to picture them with clothes on." Joseph Bologna is an outstanding leach. "I didn't mean to be a bastard" should be on Hallmark cards.

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"She's dead!" --- One my favorites when he's in the sand.

"Good morning...or not..."

"I can't do any kind of dancing that involves moving my body."

"Her name is Isabelle, which must be portugese for perpetual motion..."

"And you can forget my wife!"

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Call me an old romantic, but I love the "Will you forget me?" "The minute I die." line.

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^^^damn, that was a sweet line.

I agree with Steve that the "close...close you bastard!..." whenCaine's trying to escape is classic.

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"You're the one rock I can cling to. You're a rock."
"Not entirely, Victor. I mean, I'm not ALL rock."

LOL

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Themistocles67 said:
Call me an old romantic, but I love the "Will you forget me?" "The minute I die." line.
______________________________________________________________________________

You're not alone. Gives me the warm fuzzies every time; very poignant. And no, I'm not being sarcastic. Love this movie.

Terence

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Matthew: "Jennifer, you had a very bad dream"
Jennifer: "that we were making love?"
Matthew: "probably...it didn't happen"
Jennifer: "i know, i was there when it didn't"

Demi Moore: "just be yourself dad, she'll get over you"

Victor: "we made a pact.."
Matthew: "what if there's no phone at the beach?"
Victor: "who said anything about a beach?"
Matthew: "in case it happened...haPPENS on the beach"
(as he nervously and vigorously grates carrots)

orixá lady: "you will need these candles..how young is the girl? half your age?"
Matthew: "more than half"
orixá lady: "take the whole box"

Victor: "so uh how old is he, 18? 19?"
Jennifer:"older.."
Victor: "what 22?"
Jennifer: "43"
Victor: "43!! that's obscene!"

The entire script is hilarious...

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I love when Valerie Harper visits Jennifer in the hospital at the end and she starts to worry and says "Am I on any life support systems?" Valerie Harper answers "Believe me, there's not a plug in here worth pulling."

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i thought it was funny when bologna's character was talking to caine and he was lamenting over the fact his wife was trying to take half of everything in the divorce.

"half, that's what she wants, half! wish i had herpes!"

i don't care who you are, that's funny.

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One of my favourites:

Matthew Hollis: It was, quite simply, the worst night of my life, my embarrassment compounded by the fact that Victor had now slept with two out of the three members of my family.

Prostitute: What the *beep* are you doing?
Johnny: I'm gonna kill a bunch of people.

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"Will you forget me?"

"The minute I die."

Academy Awards = the Creme de la Creme of Bull Sh*t

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