MovieChat Forums > Terms of Endearment (1983) Discussion > Emma not telling Flap she also cheated

Emma not telling Flap she also cheated

posted 10 years ago by Just_Alex
23 replies | jump to latest

It's interesting, my first reaction in that scene when Flap feels guilty about cheating on Emma, was something like "OK, Debra Winger you also cheated, tell Jeff Daniels that he shouldn't feel THAT bad, because you are also a cheater!"

And then it hit me. This is the first time that they are actually communicating. When we first met them, Emma is dying to get out of her house and put some distance between her and her mother. We can say that she married Flap because he was her ticket out of there.

Then they keep making babies, Emma takes care of them, and Flap continues putting his job first. Then both become so estranged, that both take lovers and their only thing is common are their kids.

So my guess is, in that scene in the hospital they finally opened their hearts and they are finally communicating... if Emma tells Flap that she also cheated, then it all reverts back to status quo, because let's be honest, Flap was all about his career and his reluctance to abandon completely his bachelor lifestyle, I mean, he loves his kids, but he loves his freedom as well, that's why he pretty much put the kids completely in Emma's hands when she was healthy, and that's why he gave his kids so quickly to Shirley MacLaine in the end.

So, Emma kept her infidelity in secret to facilitate true, genuine communication between them. Perhaps at some point she should have told the truth, but in that moment she needed the upper hand to avoid going back to the "you vs. me" relation they always had.

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[–] lunayoshi 10 years ago

I was all geared to start a discussion on the morality of her holding her tongue on the topic, but it appears you did it entirely on your own, lol! I have nothing to add because it all makes good sense to me. I'm sure some people thought she was being selfish or immoral or something, but when you get down to it, it really was not the right time under those circumstances.

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You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't spend the rest of mine with you.

[–] jon5000_66 8 years ago

She doesn't give a sh*t, she's dying. I thought it was one of those moments that rings so "true" in the movie, which make it so special - not flattering to the character, but believable and real-seeming, and really funny. I think it's so funny, because for just a second she thinks about telling him, then says "you're right, let's not do this". She's not lying, she's just right - let's not do this.

"It's as if God created the Devil...and gave him...JAWS"

[–] lisa-xo 9 years ago

Flap does make reference to it at one point, when they're arguing about him cheating. He said something like "don't think I don't know what you do on your afternoon drives". Emma didn't really respond... not even denying it. Flap was aware of what was going on... Flap was a lot of things but stupid wasn't one of them.

[–] Pmdmnym 9 years ago

True, but I am SO glad she didn't tell him.

[–] drjeff21 8 years ago

Although I also think that Flap suspected, that's not what he said He said "I don't know what you do on your afternoon drives."

[–] llocket1 9 years ago

Nah screw him. He was always a philanderer. She can hide her discretion from him...bastard.

[–] milo44 8 years ago

Spot on ! ... BIGTIME .

"A man that wouldn't cheat for a poke don't want one bad enough".

[–] deannadd1985 7 years ago

Here! Here! I'm with you on that! Why she degraded herself to marry him I'll never know...probably the first guy she ever slept with.

[–] ecjones1951 8 years ago

I can't agree that Flap ever put his career first. Chasing women took priority over everything -- most especially his family. The cruelest thing he does is uproot Emma and the children to move to Nebraska -- not because there is any more money in it but because Janice is there. "Head of the department!," he tells Emma but that's incidental. Knowing this as she does, I get why Emma avoids confessing her sins.

I was also sorry to see that Kate Charleson, who played Janice, was a suicide. She died in 1996 at age 43. Lost a sibling that way; the word always makes me jump a little.

[–] MuchToBeGratefulFor 8 years ago

I have to disagree that "chasing women" was Flap's priority. The only woman we know he cheated with was Janice, and that was serious enough that he moved with his family to stay close to her. He wasn't just jumping into the sack with anyone wearing a skirt -- as far as what the movie showed us. He fell in love with another woman when things at home were not good. Not defending his behavior, but it's a far cry from "chasing women".

You must be the change you seek in the world. -- Gandhi

[–] ecjones1951 8 years ago

Yes, we are only shown one woman, and it is a Aurora who makes them plural, and she may or may not be telling the truth. So, I dunno --

[–] rascal67 8 years ago

Flap cheats, Emma cheats. Makes them both jerks by my book and then when she finds out, she leaves him. Not much of a hypocrite huh! Flap, while being an infidel, still had to balance a career with his womanizing, because he still had a family to support. A family that Emma wanted too.

Exorcist: Christ's power compels you. Cast out, unclean spirit.
Destinata:💩

[–] MuchToBeGratefulFor 8 years ago

What are you talking about? Emma never left Flap. They were still together when she died. That's the topic of this thread, that in their last scene together which was not long before she died, he admits cheating and she doesn't.

You must be the change you seek in the world. -- Gandhi

[–] rascal67 8 years ago

If I recall, Emma did leave Flap and went to Auroras. There is also a scene with Flap and Emma having a phone conversation by Nancy's poolside side and doesn't Flap want her to come back? He is cooking a barbecue for the boys. It's been a while since viewed.

Exorcist: Christ's power compels you. Cast out, unclean spirit.
Destinata:💩

[–] MuchToBeGratefulFor 8 years ago

Emma left him to visit her mother with the kids. The phone scene by the pool at Patsy's is when Flap calls to tell her that they are moving in a week to Nebraska, so she had to cut her trip short to get ready for a move she didn't want and hadn't even been consulted about. She had not left him and didn't then, as angry as she was about both the affair and getting moved on such short notice.

Also, the conversation between Emma and Flap, we only saw Emma's side. The phone conversation when Flap is cooking BBQ for the kids, is a different conversation, with Aurora, Emma's mother. I believe that is when Patsy took Emma to NYC when she had cancer.

You must be the change you seek in the world. -- Gandhi

[–] rascal67 8 years ago

Cheers! It must have been Emma's anger that I recollected and was thinking of the scene when Emma visited Aurora with her kids alone and correlated that with her leaving Flap because she was annoyed with him. I think this is the scene when Teddy goes running up to Aurora yelling "grandma", "grandma". I love the look on MacLaine's face.

Exorcist: Christ's power compels you. Cast out, unclean spirit.
Destinata:💩

[–] baran_erik 8 years ago

Yeah, that's why. rme She didn't tell because she was a lying hypocrite.

[–] 8 years ago

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[–] milo44 8 years ago

Ah .. poor baby .

"A man that wouldn't cheat for a poke don't want one bad enough".

[–] 8 years ago

[deleted]

[–] milo44 8 years ago

Professional help .. might help .. no need to reply .

"A man that wouldn't cheat for a poke don't want one bad enough".

[–] 8 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

What Emma did was so innocent compared to Flap. He was a piece of work. Seriously, the worst husband and father ever. He failed to provide for his family and was completely self centered. He was so weak and the end he agrees to give up the kids and you can see it breaks Emma's heart.