ZOMG, This is the GREATEST movie EVER!!!

To get drunk to.

Let me sit you guys down and give you a little story.

It was about 2 AM. I needed a pack of smokes. Only place that was open was a 24 hour pharmacy, which will remain nameless (Wal-greens). Now when I go to Wal.. the pharmacy, I like to browse. Something about the cheap toys, compleltly out of order magazine rack, and the smell of ben-gay, just gives me the nervous gitters (in a good way)

Well, as luck would have it, the ben-gay was strong that night, so I was ready to rock. TOYS, couple of GI joe knock offs. MAGAZINES, ahh completley out of order, except strangley for RedBook, this is an omen. I thought, "Gee Whilerkers, nothing is catching my fancy tonight." That is... until I saw it... I could barely make it out... the fumes of ben-gay made the air hazey. I'd have almost missed it if not for that brown glow of the greatest movie ever (to get drunk to).

So, I walk over. $3.99 for a movie, can't pass a deal like that. I shuffle through searching for that brown glow that caught me eye. I thought, "there it is, Fred Williamson in a non-blacksplotation film. IT's got to be good."

So I grab it, and buy it, along with my smokes. Well, I get home and set it on the table. I sit at a chair, staring at it. Voices permiate my brain, they tell me, no no, i can't do that voices... Yes, I have to punish my friends.

I pick up the phone.. Oh yeah it's party time. They come in, and I lock my door, grab a knife, raise it high, and slash the celophane of the DVD case. I pull out some beers and hand it to them, and they happily accept.

Well we start watching, 2 of my friends had to be rushed to the hospital for extreme hernias from laughing so hard when the kid says, "Hey, why you come here like only to play?" Needless to say, I had 2 less friends over for christmas this year.

Then comes the ass rape scene. That's priceless. Especially when you realize that it IS an as rape scene.

Lastly, let me say, I'm sure the third act is what completley redeems this movie but unfortunately for me, my copy of the DVD has some wierd error that causes it to fast forward and jump around.

For instance: When scorpion is chasing the gay dude, we see him speeding up, getting closer, then suddenly a spike is rammed up the bad guys car, then it explodes into a wall, then I see Nadir blowing someguys head off. Now, your saying, that not how I remember the sequence of events, it's because the end is totally jumbled for me.

Any way, this movie is perfect for friend to get drunk to, and I hope you enjoyed my story.