For me, it's the one about the chocolate cake for breakfast, when he's talking about his wife having the conniption and her face falls apart. Too much fun.
Really close second would be the trip to the dentist. "Smoke, smoke, smoke. I don't understand. FIRE!!!" LOL
I love the last twenty minutes or so. The story about the kids around the house (showers, the yardstick, grandparents, money, clean rooms, etc.) The chocolate cake is also a riot as mentioned above.
My favorite part is him talking about smoking pot and how your body rejects it and you start choking and coughing to hold it in! I love that part... and the part with the beatings and chocolate cake... Dad is Great... He give us chocolate cake... DAD MADE US EAT THE CAKE! I laugh everytime... and my husband absolutely loves this movie. Thanks Bill Cosby for your words...
(^~^:.*~*Baby Jayne*~*.:^~^)
The Rednekz : Southern Rebels By The Grace Of God!
Haha, oh God, so many funny stories in this movie. Hard to choose just one. I guess the funniest is when he talks about how when he was a kid he thought his name was "Jesus Christ" and his brother thought his name was "Dammit". Or the "Sick and tired" bit with his mother giving him the worst beating of his life. Oh man, the whole movie's a riot. I'd call this the funniest work of comedy ever (IMO of course).
shareMOM: "Day and night, night and day, work my fingers to the bone, FOR WHAT?!"
BILL: "I don't-"
MOM: "SHUT UP. When I ASK you a question, YOU KEEP YOUR TRAP SHUT. You think I'm talking to HEAR MYSELF TALK? ANSWER ME!!"
And my wife sent me to my room! Which is where I wanted to go in the first place
shareIt would have to be a tie between the story of the birth of his first child (Push...Push)and serving chocolate cake to the kids for breakfast (Dad is great, we got the chocolate cake!).
shareI must agree, the chocolate cake for breakfast story is the best. My wife was working at the office the other day and they were all talking about getting a cake for a co-worker. The co-worker walked in and was asked what kind of cake and the answer was, of course, chocolate cake. Without missing a beat one of the other co-workers started singing "Dad is Great! He gives us chocolate cake!" in the same manner Bill Cosby does. Everyone started chuckling and nobody had to have it explained. How many film segments are so universal that they are instantly recognizable by most people?
shareYeah, I know. This is my favorite movie of all time. Bill Cosby is extremely hilarious in here. I thought they were all funny, but, the funniest were from his parents.
BILL: My mother was expert in pigsties.
MOM: Will you look at this filth?
BILL: Now, I've been in the room five hours and she wants me to look at it.
MOM: I SAID LOOK AT IT!!
The look on his face is the look all kids make when they're mad about looking at the room again.
BILL: My father and I established our relationship when I was 9 years old.
DAD: You know I brought in this world and I'll take you out and it don't matter to me, because I'll make another one look just like you.
And of course the line: "Dammit will you get in here!" "But, Dad, I'm Jesus Christ!" is the funniest and don't forget the favorites like: "Did he have on clean underwear?" "Yes, we found it in the glove department." and "I asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic, he told me how he killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook." Hilarious stuff and truthful stuff.
"I am the ultimate badass, you do not wanna screw wit' me!" Hudson in Aliens.
Bill: Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful?
Other Guy: Well, it intensifies your personality.
Bill: Yes, but what if you're an *beep*
ROTFLMAO! That's the best moment! In fact, that's about as vulgar as Bill Cosby gets, which is great!
I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person!
I love that part about cocaine too. However my favorite story of his is when he is talking about going to the dentist.
Bill: "Rinse? but I have no bottom lip"
"...and then we pay him for this"
-"But at the end of the day we can endure much more than we think we can."
-Frida
LOL this is one of the funniest shows I've ever seen! I first saw it around when it came out (I was born in '78), but I don't remember seeing it that young, I really got into it more and more as years went by.
Can't believe no one mentioned "Jeffrey," and " I'm fowh yeas owd." "Ahh wus three, but now I'm fowh yeas owd."
My favorite one has to be about Burger King LMAO!!!!
"I went over to the......Wooooooooooooooooooooo! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! No wait a minute! I went over to the Burger King, and a guy took a piece of meat, and threw it on the grill, I said ohhhhhh wowwwww! And then he turned it over, and it was all brown, I said far out! Then he took and put it between two pieces of bread, I said ohhhhhhhh noooooooooooooo! And the guy ate it!" LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then the part when his wife tells him to go upstairs and kill his son, lol, at the end he says "so I go back downstairs. My wife says "Did you kill 'em?" "I said no, she said why, I said I DON KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!"
And of course the chocolate cake part is perfect, and the dentist, and being drunk and "having a good time."
The dentist goes outside to laugh at you
sharegotta love....
bc "isnt that the head@!!??"
dr. "yup"
bc "well go get it!!"
dr. "its stuck"
bc. "WELL USE THE SALAD SPOONS MAN!!!"
obviously you're not a golfer
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I actually thought Cosby used "salad spoons" in that routine as a joke, but my sister-in-law (an RN) confirmed that is what they call forceps in the delievery room!
share"Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair, and the first thing they grab is an iron hook."
"You are about to put your face in a place that was never built for your face."
The part where he says his father told him he can make his baby girl into a boy by blowing in her mouth while holding her nose..
"There comes a time when you will give the ridiculous a try. Needless to say she is still a girl... I had trouble putting her eyes back in..."
It's good to be the King!
"Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair, and the first thing they grab is an iron hook." - I actually use that line on the dental hygienist every time I go to the dentist! It never fails to crack her up!
share" ... and Johnny Bench is still sitting there ... "
shareIm surprized that no one mentioned the toilet bowl. "Thank you Mr. Toilet Bowl..thank you for being cool on the side...you're the only one that understands me."...lol
shareThe whole toilet bowl thing was brilliant..."I love you toilet bowl for being warm and cool on the side." "And that's called having a good time."
shareI have so many favourites that in the end I have none. I just like, at the moment, the part where he is talking about when his mother used to send him to his room many times...
'When your father gets home he's going to shoot you in the face with a bazooka and I am NOT going to try and stop him this time! You know he's always wanted to kill you! The day you were born he said "kill it!" I stopped him from killing you for 11 years...(sobs) and this is the thanks I get for saving your life?'
On that same note,
"When your father comes home, he's going to shoot you in the face, with a bazooka! And I am not going to stop him this time, either!"
Edit: Oops. Sorry, didn't see the previous posting of that same line.
For years after seeing it, my favorite bits was Bill going to the dentist feeling like his bottom lip was on the floor, the kids getting a beat down by Camille after acting up and Camille's reaction afterwards, Bill's dad going "Dammit, will you get in here!?!" and Bill going "but Dad, I'm Jesus Christ!" LOL And Bill's dad blaming his flatulence on invisible animals: "((((FART))) You see that elephant under there? And my brother was dumb enough to look for it. Now here's my mother. "Alright, din... OH GOD WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE!?!" "Mom, there was an elephant under Dad's chair." "Did you see it?" "No but it lifted Dad up by 2 ft." And saying his dad's favorite game was "come here and pull my finger". LOL! All of the sketches are funny though. Bill's the man!!!! I forgot to mention the drugs part and "having a good time" getting drunk. My all-time favorite sketches on the movie. I especially loved it when Bill imitated a stoner who laughs at any little thing: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! NO WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! NO WAIT A MINUTE!!!!! I WENT OVER TO THE... WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! NO WAIT A MINUTE!!!!! I WENT OVER TO THE BURGER KING!!!!! AND THE GUY TOOK A PIECE OF MEAT!!!!!!!! AND THREW IT ON THE GRILL!!!!! I SAY OH WOW!!!! AND THEN HE TURNED IT OVER, IT WAS ALL BROWN!!!! I SAID FAR OUT!!!!!!!! AND HE PUT IN BETWEEN TWO PIECES OF BREAD! I SAID OH NOOOOO! AND THE GUY ATE IT!!!!" LMAO!!!! And his drinking bit after drinking so much they had go to the bathroom and the drinker talks to the toilet bowl before throwing up. LOL "You would NOT be surprised if you saw your shoes come out your mouth, you say "YEEEEEEEEES!" LOL Then he thanks the toilet bowl "for being so cool on the side". LOL
shareI think one of my favorites was "Little Jeffrey..."
"Jeffrey was '4 years old'. I know this because he kept walking around the plane...just anybody...'I'm 4 years old. I'm um, I'm 4 years old. I was, I was 3, but now I'm all 4 years old.' I remember his name, not because he said to me, 'I'm 4 years old,' but because Jeffrey's mother said his name, all 2,500 miles of the trip!"
"Jeffrey, Jeffrey, don't do that, Jeffrey....and Jeffrey would run around, with chocolate on his hands, he'd put it on your trousers, 'I'm 4 years old!'....and, higher and higher, she'd lift him and hold him, and let him drop...BOOM!"
"Jeffrey's father, little red-and-white checkered golf pants on...short sleeved shirt. Jeffrey's mother handed Jeffrey to the father, and punched him dead in the face! We don't know why. Jeffrey's such a lovely child!"
(I know I left a lot out, and probably messed some lines up, but that story was great!)
And, of course, the grandparents stories...
"Well, let's see if Granddad has any money for these wonderful children! Well, five children came from everywhere...SHOOM!"
"This is not the same woman I grew up with! You are looking at an old person, who's trying to get into heaven now!"
Bob
Some of my favorite lines...
From Chocolate Cake For Breakfast:
My wife said "Go downstairs and cook breakfast for the children." I said, but dear, it's six o'clock. She said, "Exactly. The children need to eat." I said, yes, but to eat at six o'clock...isn't that BAD for your stomach???...I mean, they just ate 12 hours ago...
From The Dentist:
"Smo-boke!"..."I beg your pardon?"..."Smo-boke, smo-boke, smo-boke! There's some smo-boke in my mou-both!"..."I don't understand..."..."FI-BRE!!! DO YOU UNDER-STABAND FI-BRE??? There's a fi-bre in my mou-both and the smo-boke is coming out!!!"..."Fire?"..."Ye-bes!"..."Where?"......"Ne-ber mind, ne-ber mind!!!"
I listened to the record album for this movie long before I ever saw the film. The soundtrack had all the funniest stories, except for the cocaine thing and the getting drunk at the party. Watching the movie after having heard the record was like icing on the cake.
For me i love all the stuff about him talking about his family! Like the kids getting ready for bed and taking a shower and then the beatings will begin! And the end when his dad would have gas and he would blame it on invisible animals! Mom and elephant went under dad's chair.Did you see it? No but it lifted him up about 2 feet! LOL! TOO FUNNY!
shareThe getting ready for bed part is my absolute favorite. "Thank you, you dear, sweet man, for having such a good attituuuuuude about this. But you don't understand, see, that we cannot sleep through the night without a good beating!" The first time I heard that part I was laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face!
share[deleted]
"I'll beat you till you can't grow anymore!"
HAHA!
"From the age of 7, my father established our relationship. Looked at me, he said, 'You know, I brought you into this world, I'll take you out! And, it don't make no difference to me, 'cause I'll make another one that looks just like you!'"
"Your father comes home, he's going to shoot you in the face, with a bazooka! And, I am not going to stop him this time, either!"
And, the opening of "Dentist," which I use every time I go to the real dentist...
"Dentists...tell you not to pick your teeth...with any sharp, metal object. Then, you sit in their chair! And, the first thing they grab is an iron hook! And, they start to pick in an area that you came to get fixed!"
So true!