MovieChat Forums > ...E tu vivrai nel terrore! L'aldilà (1983) Discussion > Things I learned from watching The Beyon...

Things I learned from watching The Beyond ( L'Aldila E Tu vivrai nel Ter

posted 11 years ago by sandginner
18 replies | jump to latest

1. If you find somebody who tells you that there is a portal to hell that only he can close ,you kill him . And then you and him both become evil living undead.
2. It takes forever to get an ambulance for a painter who falls while doing his job at a house , however when a plumber dies later at the same house and at the same time an ancient body is discovered , they appear instantaneously at the morgue.
3. You can open a locked door by just touching it with a small axe .
4. A blind woman running away from you can cause instant deja vu.
5. You can find a bathtub full of dirty water in a building that has no running water.
6. When you find a bathtub full of dirty water, in a building where cadavers appear out of nowhere, slowly pull up your sleeves as if doing a striptease, and stick your arm in the water.
7. The undead like to take siestas in bathtubs full of dirty water, and get angry if you pull the plug on them lol
8. When you are being eaten alive by tarantulas , you only scream when they bite your tongue , even after they had already chewed your eyes out.

This movie made me laugh so much I can't believe it is a cult classic, I couldnt find even one redeeming feature.

[–] pusterummet 11 years ago

9. You try to stop the undead by shooting them.. Finally you hit one in the head and it goes down.. You will ignore this and still try to stop them by shooting their arms and bodies etc.

[–] arkay 11 years ago

Yeah, that kinda pissed me off. It even happened a couple of times! The last one he hit like 5 times in the shoulder and stomach before his pistol was empty. Oh boy!

This movie has some of the most idiotic scenes ever put on film. All of Argento's *beep* combined isn't as bad as this movie. I'm not talking about the plot, just about the things happening in it and how people react. It sure is pretty, but very, very dull.

[–] franzkabuki 7 years ago

Not to mention that said pistol is emptied in one scene, but by the next scene, it has magically reloaded itself.

"facts are stupid things" Ronald Reagan

[–] LoydMongo 11 years ago

10. Fake (plastic?) tarantulas are way worse than the real ones who just come along to look at the mutilation.

11. A fairly obvious murder and the discovery of a rotten corpse draw no attention from the authorities. The bodies are just whisked away to the hospital's tiny morgue where unrefrigerated bodies fill the room. Instead of actual police, the pathologist is the only one looking into all the mysteries.

12. And the morgue's door is unlocked (DO NOT ENTRY), allowing Joe the plumbers wife to dress his corpse instead of a mortician. Also they keep a big unsealed flask of acid on a top shelve in case she wants a deep facial cleansing.

13. A blind "ghost" needs a seeing-eye dog, unless she runs away scared. And her shoes make no sound on the wooden floor... Gasp! Cue the flashbacks!

14. If you are a creepy ass lady with a sweaty 'tard of a son, and you come with the deed to the cursed hell house, you have no worries about cleaning the extra-haunted room 36. You just apparently don't know anything about the place you work at.

15. You have no idea why the basement of your old house built in the Louisiana wetlands is flooded...

16. It seems Kevin McCallister is also haunting the hotel judging by the card board cutouts moving past the windows when they leave near the end.

And on 3. yeah, that hatchet thing was really stupid. She could've just pushed the door open if it was that rotten. And 9. is real annoying too, he's blessed with a 6-shot revolver that can fire up to 10 rounds in a row and he wastes most of them. First it was 9 rounds, then 6 (Wow!) and then 10 before tossing it. And of course he reloads by sticking the rounds up the muzzle bullet first.

[–] krish666 11 years ago

Ha ! How I wished to see such a thread on *this* message board !!

17. Dog didn't like his name

18. (like many already said) ... keep on shooting at the chest, stomach etc, you dummy !

19. While running, blind woman can see pretty well..

20. Lead male actor on Climax: "Oh no! I too got that cheap contact lenses ! My close-up shot is spoiled !!"

21. (Elevator scene, 01:19:18 - 01:19:22 or so) Revolvers are loaded from the front

22. DO NOT 'ENTRY'

.... because Ideas are BULLETPROOF !!!

[–] 11 years ago

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[–] 11 years ago

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[–] Son_of_Satan-666 10 years ago

I didn't get a thing except the ending the couple being trapped in hell. I've to watch it again but I don't have guts I guess. Lol

Humans spent their lives trying to convince themselves that their existence is not absurd

[–] LoydMongo 10 years ago

After all the stupid s#!t they pulled, it's the least they deserve. Be blind in hell
for all I care, you inbred genetic mistakes! Yes... suck it up, demon spawn! Go play
with The Tall Man, you pointless scum!

____________________________________________________________________________________
Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.

[–] gideon_7 10 years ago

Brainwaves sound just like heartbeats.

"You mean the movie lied?!"

[–] worldofsnail 9 years ago

If you inherit a hotel and Arthur and Martha come with the property, be a right bitch to them for no real reason.

Martha has some history with plumbers - witness the sexual frisson between her and Joe.

Joe the Plumber likes to flash the ash.

Joe rocks the bib and brace look.

Joe is the sexiest man in the history of cinema and should have got to grips with Liza.

[–] 9 years ago

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[–] MeYouFools (146) 4 years ago

"Martha has some history with plumbers - witness the sexual frisson between her and Joe."

You know, I keep hearing this across the web, and while that first scene with Martha and Joe is undeniably awkward, there is no real evidence that they're carrying on a relationship. When Martha discovers Joe's corpse, her reaction is not one of "Oh my God! My poor Joe! What have they done to you?!" It's "I am not cleaning this up."

[–] Chloe (127) 4 years ago

Fulci liked to indulge in the Sergio Leone-style close-up eye zoom shots during this period. He did it in The House By The Cemetery for seemingly no reason as well between Paolo Malco's father character and Ania Pieroni's babysitter character. I think you're right- it doesn't mean anything.

[–] AlexDuran 9 years ago

OP; It's a cult classic because it is so bad. It literally makes no sense. Hella fun to watch though, I was laughing out loud more than a few times.

[–] msluornu 9 years ago

Hmmm, the one thing I've definitely learned from The Beyond is:

It doesn't matter if you're the leading man, woman, or child, or even an extra who has no speaking lines and barely any screen time. If you're in The Beyond, you will die. 😂

"No more deals child, it is your flesh we want to experience, not your skill at bargaining."

[–] movie_nazi 8 years ago

It doesn't matter if you're the leading man, woman, or child, or even an extra who has no speaking lines and barely any screen time. If you're in The Beyond, you will die. 😂

Not true. The painters didn't die.

My Vote history: http://www.imdb.com/user/ur1914996/ratings