Nixonitis (The Difficulty of Urinating Publicly)

When I urinate in a public restroom and have a shy bladder (which is 95% of the time) and I know every other fellow in the restroom is judging me and also timing my progress... I get nervous so to break the ice... (literally is some bars where they put ice in the urinal... wow I love the power of that!) I turn to the fellow next to me and say
"Did you play football, Harris?" and if he doesn't get that Dennis Miller-esque reference , I do Cheech Marin's line in Up In Smoke when he complains to Sergeant Stedenko that he can't piss only thinks he has to piss.